


Path of Honor

by IdrilsSecret



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:01:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 79,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2094897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrilsSecret/pseuds/IdrilsSecret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*COMPLETE*  Rumil has always known he would be a soldier. Even with strict army rules, he made the choice long ago to sacrifice certain aspects of his personal life in order to fulfill his duties to his family, his people, and his realm. Threatened with exposure, he'll do what he must to save his family name and his lover's reputation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Our father used to like to brag about my brothers and me, that we were born with a bow in our hands. Since close to birth, it seems, we have been trained as warriors. Each one of us started out with a child’s bow, a toy really, and arrows with blunt tips. Our targets consisted of anything from tree trunks, to clay bowls lined upon a wall, to the nanny’s cat. Well, that had been my choice of target, since she had a cat when I was an elfling. I believe she had one when Haldir, my oldest brother, was young, but decided against any more pets while helping my father raise three rambunctious boys who liked to shoot at moving targets. I’m not sure why she decided to adopt another feline when I came into the family. I was just like my brothers, and the new cat was thoroughly tortured by blunt arrows. I asked her about it once, when I was older. She said she always saw a gentle quality to my personality, and that I behaved as I did because I was only following my two older brothers’ examples. That always stuck in my head for some reason. I never saw myself as gentle nor as a follower. I was as rough and strong as Haldir and Orophin.

My brothers and I looked very much alike. We were Silvan elves, born in Lothlórien not but a handful of years between each of us. Our parents wanted to grow our family quickly. We all had long golden hair, straight and fine. We had the classic high cheekbones and sharp jaw. And we loved competition, especially with each other. I can remember each of us trying to outdo the other. It was good for our training. It shaped us, made us better soldiers. And our father could not have been more proud of his three sons. The Lórien brothers, they called us. Haldir was the bold one. Orophin was the clever one. And I, Rúmil, was considered the gentleman. But when it came to battle, make no mistake; we were a deadly combination.

As I said, we started our training early. Father would see it no other way. No son of his was going to be left behind. It was expected of us, since he was a high ranking officer in Lothlórien’s military. He was a Commander, and he controlled all of the troops for the Northern Border of our realm. When someone told us that we’d grow to be just like our father, we would laugh and say it would take the three of us combined to match his notoriety. But deep down, Orophin and I always knew that one day it would be Haldir who would fill our father’s boots. He was the oldest, and he had a kind of fire that sparked his soul. Haldir would make it first, and Orophin and I, if we were lucky, would benefit from his glory.

Haldir was the only one of us to study different languages, and he excelled at it. Though our primary language was Sindarin, he also spoke Quenya, as well as some of the ancient elvish languages long forgotten. He could speak Westron—the common tongue of Men—fluently, and could even speak Khuzdul, the secret language of the Dwarves. Haldir knew the Black Speech, too, but never used it. That was more for understanding the enemy, not to use as a way of communication. As for Orophin and I, we had no interest in other languages, for we never left our golden home of Lothlórien, and rarely did anyone from outside the borders come here.

You might wonder why I haven’t spoken of our mother yet. That’s because she sailed very early on, when I was only five. You see, we should have been the brother’s four of Lórien, but a most unfortunate thing happened. Our fourth brother was stillborn. It was a rare occurrence amongst elves, but it happened from time to time, nonetheless. The death of her child proved to be too much for Mother, and her grief was overwhelming. There was no other option for her, and she sailed to Valinor, the Blessed Realm of the elves. I’m told we will meet her again someday, but I fear I will not know her by then. I hardly remember what she looked like; I was so young when she left. Haldir and Orophin remember her better than I do, so I put my trust in them that they’ll recognize her when we finally hear the calling and make the last journey of the elves. Honestly, I never understood why she left. It was tragic, to say the least, but could she not let her love for us help heal the suffering of her loss?

And so, it had been our father who raised us, with the help of a nanny when we were still elflings. It was a military upbringing, one we were expected to do well at. And we did. But as the time grew closer to my majority, when an elf was considered an adult, I began to question things, many things, and my life as a soldier was one of them.

Don’t misunderstand me, I loved being a soldier. There’s no better sensation than nocking an arrow, bending the string, feeling the softness of the fletching against my cheek, and the muscles tense in my arm as I released death upon my enemy. I was a warrior, and a very seasoned one at that. I had made my way up the ranks and commandeered my own regiment. My men trusted me to lead them into battle, and to be successful. We always were. A military life was the only one I knew. Nothing else mattered, or at least, nothing else was supposed to matter. And I’d never break any oath or any rule of the Lothlórien army. I never would. I loved it too much to risk it. So imagine my dilemma when I discovered something about myself as I reached my majority.

Let me start by saying that there are many rules that must be followed, some minor and some important. Most are easy to abide by. And then there are the laws of the military, these being so significant that to break one would mean instant dismissal and deactivation of ranking as well as participation anywhere within the Lórien military. That means the person accused and proved guilty of breaking such laws shall be cast out of the elven army to become an ordinary citizen with no hope of reenlistment. It is the most disgraceful way to be discharged, and there are no excuses for any one, no matter their ranking or blood ties. And though it only affects the person accused, any other family members shall inadvertently suffer the dishonor of having the family name smeared with scandal. So what are these laws? Well, murder and treason, of course, are obvious, but the one I speak of is the one that I struggle with, even though I have chosen the path of the military. It is a sacrifice that I am willing to take because I love being a soldier. It also means that I may never pursue the satisfaction of knowing love or a relationship. The rule states that no elf may fraternize with another elf of the same sexual orientation. In other words, male soldiers may not be intimately connected with other male soldiers. It is not tolerated, and since only males serve in the army, well … you must see my point.

So, when did I know and why do I stay on my chosen path? I reckon I knew early on, but I did not really acknowledge my desires until I reached that difficult age when a youth begins to come into his own and seek adolescent independence. I believe the human equivalent is referred to as puberty. The elf in question was my best friend, Fandir, and the query of my preference came to light one day as we were enjoying a quiet soak in one of the hot springs. We had done so on numerous occasions, but this time was different. As he climbed into the water, my eyes caught sight of his nakedness, and I felt a jolt of excitement run down my spine where it settled to someplace lower. A throbbing but pleasurable ache followed this unexpected reaction, leading me to blush quite prominently. Later, I learned that I hadn’t been alone in this self-discovery. My best friend had had a similar reaction to seeing me, at an earlier time. He had actually meant for me to see him that day, and when I thought more about that moment, I do recall him pausing more than necessary as he slowly lowered his body into the warm healing waters. He had been aware of my reaction, though I did not know it since my thoughts and eyes had traveled elsewhere. Fandir had been my first in a lot of things, and we learned much from each other. It had been more of an experimental relationship at first, but it turned into something much more. I loved Fandir, and I think he loved me, but when I told him that I did not mean to abandon my path as a soldier, it soon ended. It hurt to lose Fandir, but it hurt even more to lose that close friendship we had. Unfortunately, there is no going back once two people have shared such intimacy. I don’t regret what we shared. It was wonderful, magical even. We learned a lot about each other and about ourselves. I still see him every now and then, in passing, and there is always a brief acknowledgement as our eyes meet, but it is just a shadow of our past, nothing more. It was a shame really. He was my first lover, and my first time falling in love. But … well … time cannot be rewound, now can it?

After that, and before I was sworn into the Lórien army, I’d had a few relationships, private matters that I shared with no one but my partner. They were always good for a while, but they never advanced much beyond those first stages of attraction, the newness of coupling. Once they knew they could not sway me from my projected future, it would fall apart. What else was I to do? I was my father’s son, one of the Lórien brothers. My path would not be altered … my father saw to that.

He never knew about my tastes, my father. He sailed once Haldir was well established in the army. Our older brother would look after us from then on. He would see that we continued our training, and that we entered the army and advanced. None of my family ever knew about my secret life. I didn’t want to burden them with it. And besides, I was putting it aside, devoting myself, like my brothers and my father before me, to a life of soldiering. I was depending on that to satisfy me. And it did for a while.

I was now the Captain of my own regiment within the Northern Border Guard. Orophin, too, was a Captain, though he controlled a larger number of troops than I did. Haldir had recently been promoted to March Warden of the Northern Guard. Like our father, he was responsible for all troops in this region. It was the largest in our realm. Most attacks came from the north. The men who marched under Haldir’s orders were the best and strongest of Lothlórien. There had not been a breach beyond the protected walls of the Golden Wood in many centuries. Our father had seen to that for many of those years. Now, Haldir had fallen into step and taken over his position without as much as a single snag. My brother, Orophin, and I were so very proud of him, and honored to serve under his command. He knew he could count on us when we were needed.

* * * * *

We were starting a new season of trainees. This year, I would oversee a small group of elves being considered for the Northern Guard. I’d never done this before. It had always fallen to the previous captain of this regiment, but he had been promoted to a new position within the Eastern Guard. There had been some controversy over my own promotion. Some of those who had been with the regiment longer thought they should have been next in line for the newly open position of Captain. I knew Haldir had everything to do with this decision. As I said, he’d taken it upon himself to see that his younger brothers moved up the ranks. My father would have done it if he was still here with us. I suffered the talk of favoritism and the green-eyed stares from those who disagreed, and decided to make the best of it. The influx of new recruits would be my focus now.

The day of the Choosing would soon be upon us, the day when the trainees were picked by the Captains and assigned to their regiments. But first, there was a feast and celebration for everyone. It marked the beginning of the planting season, when everything was bursting with new life. All of Lothlórien would be there, and the Lórien brothers, as always, were expected to show. I had been to the feast every year that I could remember. When I was younger, it was fun. Now that I was well into my majority, it started to feel a little awkward. You see, celebrating new life, new growth, and new beginnings was an opportunity for any unwed elf maidens to seek out any available elf men. It was a dangerous thing to show up alone and unattached, and … not to brag, but … my brother’s and I were well sought after. Haldir and Orophin, even though they weren’t seeking a mate, enjoyed the attention and the flirting. Me, on the other hand, well, you can understand my lack of interest for the opposite sex. Still, I didn’t want to raise suspicions, since my brother’s didn’t know about my choice, and the fact that I was now a Captain in the Northern Border Guard. Any of my involvements were done discretely and outside of military circles. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize my soldiering career. Neither did I want lead a bunch of love starved maidens into thinking that they might be the one to capture the most eligible and newly recruited Captain, third and youngest Lórien brother. However, I couldn’t arrive at the affair alone. In fact, I had to skillfully choose who I would invite to accompany me for the evening. It had to be someone not too outspoken, or too enthusiastic as to where the evening would lead to. I usually chose a pretty young maiden, shy enough not to draw attention to us, yet confident enough to accept defeat when I declined any further engagements together. The last thing I needed was someone who clung too tightly to something that could never be. It was a difficult process choosing the perfect acquaintance for the evening’s dance, but one I had become quite accustomed to. Tonight would be no different. She was past her majority, delighted that I had asked her to attend the dance with me, and accepted the fact that, with my recent promotion, I had next to no time for anything more than this one night. We showed exactly when we were expected, and made the long walk from the main entrance, where numerous onlookers liked to congregate and observe who was with who. Heads turned and smiles reassured me that I’d made a wise choice yet again, though my finely tuned ears perceived multiple comments as to whether this would finally be the one who captured my heart. My father had been right about that. Once given title of Captain, people would expect a marriage soon to follow. They would have to wait a very long time, I laughed to myself.

It smelled delicious in the dance hall, and my stomach spoke loudly as I made my way to the food. Tables lined one side of the hall, covered with white linen cloth. Platters of fruit and bread, trays piled high with sliced meat, and pans of steaming vegetable covered each table. My eyes turned to the wild boar, and I filled my plate. The scent of wood smoke and spices wafted up to my nose. This was one of my favorite meals, and I felt no guilt as I took more than my fair share of the succulent meat. My date circled the table that held fruit and cheese, picked carefully and modestly filled her own plate. When we were both satisfied with our choices, we looked around the hall and found Haldir and Orophin at one of the dining tables, accompanied by their lovely dates. The women sat at one end of the table, and my brothers and I sat opposite, where we could discuss military strategy while the women talked about us. It was all rather monotonous, I thought as I recalled last year’s dance.

“Are you ready to start a new season?” Haldir asked Orophin and me.

“I’ve already been to the training grounds, and I’ve got my eye on a few of the new recruits,” said Orophin in challenge to me.

“I have not stalked the trainees,” I accused him with a raise of my brow. “But I’ve heard a thing or two, and received word in good faith from Tarlis as to who the stronger of the newcomers are,” I replied. Tarlis was one of the trainers, and a longtime friend of mine.

“Word of mouth is not as accurate as actually watching the men in action,” responded Orophin, as he filled his mouth with a large hunk of roast pig.

I smiled and knitted my brow at him. “Oh? And you had enough time on your hands that you could spare a few moments of observation?” I accused. “Your troops must be in such excellent condition that they don’t need their Captain every moment of the day.”

“And yours do?” he returned. He had me there. Sometimes I managed to walk right into a corner when we bartered with words. Orophin was very clever at that, and I usually ended up feeling defeated.

“At least I know they will be well prepared for the next campaign.” I turned to Haldir. “Which will be when, dear brother?”

“In the early fall. You still have plenty of time to prepare your men, both of you, and the new recruits too,” said Haldir dryly, not wanting to get into the middle of our bantering. He seemed distracted this evening, more than usual.

“Is everything alright?” I asked.

Any evidence of worry dissipated quickly from his countenance, and he smiled with closed lips. “Excellent,” he answered tersely. Yet another trait of our older brother. Haldir was always the serious one, never letting down his guard for long. But he was the leader of the entire Northern Border Guard, and was expected to keep things under control at all times. Eru’s blessings, but if anything ever happened to Haldir, I prayed I would not have to take over his position. I did not want that responsibility.

We were discussing the new campaigns for the fall when the music changed, and our women approached us, obviously tired of waiting for us to make a move. We knew they wished to dance, and we would not refuse them.

“We will finish this discussion tomorrow morning, bright and early,” Haldir said. Then he smiled at the beautiful elleth he’d invited to attend the festival with him, bowed deep and extended his hand to her. He was such an elegant elf when with a lady. It was difficult to think of him as a ruthless warrior.

Orophin did the same, deep bow and extended hand, but when his lady reached for him, he snatched up her hand and drew her against him. She let out a gasp of surprise, and seemed to melt as his sultry eyes rested upon her. It was obvious that their evening would end enjoyably beneath the sheets.

My lady waited, unsure what to expect from me after watching my brothers. I was a simple elf, though. I bowed, took her hand, and easily led her to the dance floor. I placed my hand at her waist, the other joining with her hand, held my body at a respectable distance from hers, and we danced. I twirled her and she smiled, liking the pace I’d chosen for this particular song. It was light and fun, the flute playing a clever rhythm while the other musicians backed him with solid chords. We moved across the floor as though we wore clouds on our feet, and my date laughed and smiled. So did some of the elf women who kept an eye on us. I could see them whispering to each other, probably thinking that we made a perfect couple. Well, it looked that way from where they were sitting, and I made sure to keep up appearances.

The music ended and we took the moment to separate. She went off with her friends to do whatever it was that women did, and I went back to our table, abandoned for the time. I was truly enjoying myself. My acquaintance was, too. We actually made a nice pairing, and if things were different, perhaps my interest would have been genuine. But she was only an acquaintance, and would be nothing more. A tendril of sadness struck me suddenly, not for the elleth, but for my own precarious situation. My life as a soldier meant everything to me, so much so that I was willing to sacrifice the chance at a real relationship. I could not bind myself to an elleth because that went against every fiber of my being. And I could not bind myself to an ellon, because that would mean an end to my occupation. It seemed that I was doomed in love, except for my love of soldiering. But as satisfying as it was, it could not, of course, satisfy other aspects of my life. And so I had reduced my love life, if one could call it such, to solicitously mindful liaisons with an understanding that it must be kept between us, and that nothing more could ever come of it. Most were willing to concur, and there had never been any incidents that put me in jeopardy. As I’ve mentioned before, I was very careful and thorough in my choosing. As a result, I kept a particular lover, with whom I would visit when the need arose. Beldor was his name, blond hair, green eyes, lithe, and always accommodating. He knew the rules and accepted them. Thinking about him, as I was at the moment, I figured that I would leave the dance in a bit, and seek him out for another night of passion. My mental plans were well underway when a servant approached the table. As I leaned over to take a wine goblet from the offered tray, I looked up to find the most beautiful pair of topaz eyes watching me. I was instantly captivated.

“Good evening, my lord, Rúmil. I do hope you are enjoying the wine,” he said. He couldn’t be much past his majority, this young servant, but he was most handsome indeed. His red lips curled into an appetizing smile, making me want to taste their ruby fullness. Blue eyes sparkled by the lantern light, and a tail of dark brown hair cascaded over one shoulder as he leaned slightly forward, holding the tray in front of me.

I returned my own sultry smile, hoping not to be too obvious, but I couldn’t help the warmth purling deep within my loins. “The wine is excellent, as is the service.”

He bowed, eyes closing, and smile never fading. “Thank you, my lord. Or shall I call you, Captain?”

“Rúmil would be fine.” I placed my empty goblet on the tray, and his hand brushed mine as he reached to pull it away from the filled cups. “And what shall I call you, in case I am in need of further refreshment?”

“Túron, my lord, and do not be hesitant to call upon me,” he said with such assuredness that I couldn’t help to want to know him better. His name meant mastery, and something about the way he carried himself made me think he was named justly. He was a servant, too, which meant no fear of military connections. Túron looked too lithe to be a soldier. No, it seemed to be a servant’s life for this beautiful youth. That suited me just fine. Still, there was something about him that peaked my curiosity. He was very sure of himself, and confidence was something that I looked for in a lover. With my unpredictable schedule as a soldier, I didn’t have time for someone timid. That sort of personality was dangerous, for they seemed to cling to whoever paid them such close attention. My personal life consisted of a night here or there, and then I was off on another campaign for what could be months at a time. But this one before me, with his eyes now scanning over me, he would only take what I could afford to give him in a single night, and I wondered what he might give in return.

Túron nodded and hurried off to the next table, doing his duty as wine servant for the gallant affair that evening. I watched him go about his business, and caught him several times glancing in my direction. That was all I could afford for the moment, as I suddenly found myself in the company of my brothers.

Orophin nudged my arm and leaned into my ear. “So, how does your evening progress, dear brother? Will you not be going home alone tonight?”

I thought of those full lips, though I knew my brother spoke of the elleth, and smiled arrogantly. “You are one to talk. When was the last time you went home alone?”

Haldir laughed. “He knows you too well, Orophin. You are never alone after an event such as this. And judging by the looks your lady gives you this evening, I’d say tonight will be no different.” Then Haldir turned to me with narrowed eyes. “I am curious though. What about your lady, Rúmil?”

“She is lovely, and we have had a wonderful time tonight, but it is too soon to tell where any of this might lead. It is not my first priority,” I answered.

“Father would beg to differ,” Haldir said in a reprimanding tone.

“Father would have seen all three of us married and well-anchored if he had not gone. He was such a prominent family man,” Orophin added.

“He was also Captain during a less active time in our history,” said Haldir. “It is easier to fall in love and marry in times of peace. Our customs deter us from starting families during wartime.”

It was true. There were no weddings set anytime soon. And most who were already bound chose to remain childless until the future seemed more unfluctuating. The last thing anyone wanted to do was die in battle, leaving their wives and elflings behind to suffer the sorrow of a lost loved one. Elves were prone to grieve deeply and passionately, to the point of our own demise.

I, on the other hand, was glad in a way for this time of war. It justified my reasons for not marrying. I already knew that I would never marry an elleth, no matter what the older elf women wished. Perhaps someday, when I retired from the Lórien army, if I was lucky enough, I would live the life I could not have now.

The women came back just in time to dance to a lively tune featuring the quick and nimble fingers of the harpist. Most of the women filled the dance floor and began their dance. They started in a circle and went round and round, breaking every so often to join hands and spin the elleth to their right before connecting in a huge ring once more. The dance of the elf maidens, it was called, but I knew for a fact that a few of the women could not be considered such any longer. Orophin had seen to that small detail, I laughed secretly to myself. I wondered for a moment, why was I different in that way? Out of the three of us, why had I ended up being the brother who longed for the company of a male? It would have been much easier if I hadn’t, or if I’d never become a soldier. The kind of lifestyle I preferred was not forbidden among civilian elves, and they lived normal lives as scribes, cooks, council members, or any of the numerous occupations available in the city. It was only the army that had this strict rule. But I figured that when I was on reprieve, I did not have to stick to their rules. I was on my own personal time, and spent it as I deemed fit, although in secrecy, and right now, I wanted to spend it getting to know about Túron.

Haldir and Orophin were in a heavy discussion about something military, and I took the lull in conversation to search for the dark haired ellon. I’d spotted him across the hall, handing the last of his goblets to a table of elves. He retrieved the empty ones and started for the kitchens to replenish his tray, but as he was about to step through the door, he stopped and looked straight at me. My insides quivered as our eyes connected. Then he cocked his head twice in a quick movement, indicating that he wished me to come to him.

“If you’ll excuse me, brothers. I believe I’ll step out for a moment of fresh air before the women join us again,” I said as I stood from the table.

Haldir and Orophin barely looked up from their discussion, but they nodded with acknowledgment, and I took my leave. Once outside, I went around the corner of the hall, to a discreet area poorly lit by the hanging lanterns of the main pathway. I anchored my hands on the railing and breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet scent of roses mixed with the smoky overtures of the roasted boar. A new scent wafted past my senses, one with a green and earthy base note, and a shadow joined me at the railing. I glanced sideways to find Túron there, the fair glow of his flawless skin muted by the darkness. There was something about unlit places that made my heart race, and my imagination run wild. Oh, the things that ran rampant in my mind now.

“I only have a few moments before I am missed,” Túron said. “But I just had to meet you.”

“I am glad for the disruption. Celebrations such as these can become rather trying,” I admitted.

Túron huffed a quiet laugh. “So the elleth that accompanies you tonight, she is not your formal lady?”

“She is an acquaintance, lovely elleth, but neither she nor I have swooned in each other’s company.” He laughed again, and I found that I rather liked the sound, as well as the fact that it was an easy thing to make him do. “So tell me, Túron, exactly why have you pulled me away from the celebration?”

“As I stated, I just wanted to meet you. I’ve known of you and your brothers for some time, and I’ve heard some impressive stories involving the three of you,” Túron said evenly.

“Then why not speak with all three of us if that is the case?” I wanted to find out exactly what he was about, calling me away by myself to speak with me.

He took a step closer to me, so close that I felt the heat emanating through his servants attire. His hand lightly grazed mine, where I’d kept it on the railing. “It is merely that I find you the more interesting brother.” There was a sultriness to his voice that sent a shiver down my spine. However, I stayed cautious.

“I am a servant of the Lord and Lady’s army, and with that comes great responsibility as well as strict rules.” Let’s see how much he knew.

“I understand that quite well, Captain Rúmil, but are you not on your own time now? The army does not dictate what kinds of activities you can indulge in during a reprieve, can they? Or am I mistaken?”

This ellon was very confident, something that set my blood on fire. Although I had a few … companions … who I associated with from time to time, none of them had been the one to initiate our rapport. I found that I rather liked being the hunted for a change, but … how did he know about me? I was always very careful of how I carried myself, especially around military circles. What was it that gave me away? I wondered.

“Men of our … association … are more susceptible to each other, or at least that’s what I’ve found to be true over the years,” he said, as though he’d heard my thoughts. “Do you not agree, Captain?”

He was more aggressive than what I was used to. Half of me was wary of his straightforwardness. The other half wanted to bend him over the rail and—

“Will you meet with me … perhaps in the gardens … to talk … get to know each other before you become so busy that you must be reminded of your own name?” Túron asked, and his hand covered mine, giving it the slightest squeeze. When I did not answer right away, he laughed. “We will be … respectable … in a public venue.”

“I am sure you are quite respectable, but I–”

He interrupted me before I could finish my refusal. Then, he looked up at me through long elegant lashes, blue eyes flickering in the pale light. “I apologize if I’ve been too forward. It’s just, well, I’ve never done anything like this before, and I know your time is limited before you are gone off to the borders again. And I have wanted to meet you for a while now. I felt confident that you would … meet … with me.” I must have looked uneasy at this, for he smiled reassuringly and fluttered those long lashes most becomingly. “I assure you, Captain, none of your comrades would suspect a thing. You hide it very well.”

That might have been a relief, except that there was still the fact that Túron had singled me out. So I wasn’t one hundred percent undetectable. Neither was I immune to his flirting. “Tomorrow then,” I agreed. “The gardens, and then perhaps tea afterward.”

He fidgeted, which I thought was an irresistible trait. “Would you mind if we met in the evening? I have duties that keep me occupied during the day.”

“Oh … well, of course. I hadn’t taken into consideration that you must work for a family.”

“A family?” he asked, confused.

“I assume, since you are a server here tonight, that you are an assistant to some fortunate family.”

He laughed again, light and airy, a joy to my ears, and turned so that his back leaned against the railing. “Not every servant assists a family, Captain. My job is within this hall. But now I shall say no more so that we’ll have something to talk about tomorrow night. Anyways, I must get back to my duties before I am missed.”

I wondered at his secrecy, just another part of his personality that I found intriguing. “Tomorrow then, Túron,” I said with a bow. I let his name roll from my tongue, and wondered what else it might touch.  
“I look forward to peeling back your layers.” At this I gave a smile.

As I watched him disappear through the kitchen door, a spark of excitement traveling through my body. It had been a very long time since I’d felt that sensation. I was so used to one night liaisons, nothing more than need and satisfaction to sustain me until the next meeting. Túron was stirring something that had not surfaced in many years. The feel was intoxicating, but dangerous. I barely knew him, wasn’t sure he understood my situation, and was curious as to why he singled me out. I wished suddenly that things could be different, that I was free to traverse my prospects outwardly, but the rules of the army kept me from doing so. When others could look forward to exploring a new relationship, I had to rein in my need for such a thing. It was difficult, and within the short time I’d spent with Túron, I found it to be quite torturous. I’d felt the need to know him better, and for me that meant doing it quickly before I had to depart for my next mission. But to do so also meant secret meetings, closed doors, and unspoken words. There was just never enough time. Besides, no one that I’d met so far wanted to invest in a relationship in which they must keep under lock and key. I’d tried in the past and had always failed miserably. No one wanted someone that they could not be with completely. And for me, the military was my first love.

As I made my way back into the hall, my thoughts were of Túron. I liked the exchange we shared at the table, that sense of being on common ground. He intrigued me, and that was something I rarely experienced. He approached me with such strong self-assurance that I’d been taken off guard. I was usually the one making the preemptive strike. I don’t think I could say that I’d ever been the one to be chased. Well, why would I be? As a military man, it was up to me to make first moves. The consequences could be dangerous otherwise. And with that thought, I questioned Túron’s interest in me. I decided it was best to stay cautious, and to stay within the public eye while we were together. A stroll through the gardens would be the perfect opportunity to get to know him better. Besides, I was also glad for the distraction. With the Choosing fast approaching, and then our march to the borders, I thought I was due for a reprieve. Though I’d always longed to command my own regiment, I was nervous. Would the men accept me as their new Captain? Would I be strong enough to lead them? Would I make strong decisions at the Choosing? These questions were a constant reminder of my new office within the army. But I was confident that it would all be well. Autumn was several months away, still plenty of time to become familiar with my troops and train the new recruits. If my intuition was correct about Túron, he might possibly be that bright spot during what I expected to be one of my most trying times.

I stood with my hand on the handle of the main doors, and paused before I entered, taking a deep breath, falling back into my other personality. I pushed Túron from the forefront of my mind. I had to keep up appearances, and finish out the evening with the elleth I’d brought to the festival. Only when the evening was through, and I was alone, would I be able to truly give all my thoughts and attention to the anticipation of seeing Túron again. And that night, my dreams were salaciously abundant.


	2. Chapter 2

The day started out hectic. There were orders to be filled, and papers to be signed. I few of my men were involved in a scuffle with soldiers from the Eastern Guard. It was nothing major, just a few scrapes and a bruised eye, which belonged to the ellon of the other guard, not mine. I couldn’t help smiling at that. My men were well prepared and itching to go to the borders. When soldiers had time on their hands, and no enemies to fight, they tended to challenge each other. It was allowed, as long as it didn’t become a problem. There was just too much tension in the air, and I wondered if I was to blame. I was very tense on the inside, and I hoped it didn’t show through to my troops. They were still getting to know their new Captain, and I was still getting used to the idea of commanding the same men who considered me their equal not but a few months ago. We were still in that discovery stage, not unlike two people who meet each other for the first time. And just like a couple, a new Captain and his troops must go through a sort of courtship when they earn each other’s trust. That wouldn’t truly happen until we were on the battle ground, and that’s where I was at my best. I knew how to direct an army, how to send them forth into battle in a way that we would have the advantage over our enemy. I’d been raised for this. I was confident during these times. It was the down time that made me nervous.

I was always aware of my personal life, and hoped no one would see through my disguise. It was much easier as a soldier. I didn’t have an entire group of men watching and waiting for my word. Would they sense my differences? Would they try to challenge me? During my self-doubt I would think of my brothers. If anyone could see me for who I really was, they would, and so far they’d never questioned me.

Today I would officially meet my troops, minus the new recruits. The Choosing wouldn’t occur for another month yet. Plenty of time to organize my men before the new additions joined the ranks. The good thing about today was that it left little time for me to think about Túron and our meeting tonight. I couldn’t afford the distraction right now, and at times it was difficult to think. I kept seeing that fair skin and those full red lips, the way a gentle smile made his blue eyes sparkle.

“Are you ready to meet your men?” Haldir said from the door to my office. I’d been so heavily immersed in my daydream that I hadn’t heard him enter.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, quickly regaining myself. I frowned. “You won’t be standing over my shoulder, will you?”

Haldir gave a reassuring smile. “Of course not. You are not a child. You are an officer of the army. But I will not be far should you need anything.”

“I’m not expecting to,” I assured him.

“I know,” he said and approached me, grasping my shoulder with a strong hand. “You’ll do fine, Rúmil. Most of these men know you, and they support you as their Captain. I wouldn’t have given you this assignment if I didn’t think you were the right elf for the position. Even so, there are always a few who will try to challenge you. They are jealous. It can’t be helped. But if you stay true to who you are and how Father raised you, I know you will do just fine.”

“I’m glad you believe in me, Haldir.”

“It’s not a matter of what I believe. You must believe in yourself,” he said. “Come now. It is time.”

We left my office, and I closed the door behind me. Orophin was waiting in the hall, and he bowed with his hand over his heart as a sign of respect for a fellow elf. “Captain Rúmil, my, don’t you look dashing in your new uniform. It quite becomes you, I think.” His teasing tone was wearing thin on my already frazzled nerves.

“Alright, enough,” Haldir intercepted. “He’s got enough on his mind right now. He doesn’t need you harassing him. It wasn’t that long ago that you were where Rúmil is today.”

Orophin clasped my shoulder. “I remember that day clearly, which is why I know how you feel right now. Just remember to stay focused and confident in front of your men. First impressions are everlasting. Earn their respect right from the start. And remember that they want to be commanded.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” I smiled in answer.

Orophin leaned into my ear. “I’m still going to take all the good recruits though. You should have visited the training grounds, dear brother. I’ve already picked out the best of the best.”

“I’ll rely on my sources, thank you,” I said.

* * * * *

A group of almost one hundred men stood at attention, their grey tunics fit snug to their chests, boots polished, hair properly braided to the sides. Their quivers were full and their bows newly strung. The silver pommels of their swords sat shining at their hips. Everything was in place. I could not find anything to question. But their eyes, I could feel them follow me when my back was turned. They were already judging me, sizing me up before I had a chance to introduce myself. I’d expected this though, and I returned the examination as I walked up and down the front line of my men. They were a sharp looking group, eyes of an eagle and reflexes of a cat. It wasn’t because of me that they were in such good shape, but it was my responsibility to make sure they stayed this way.

I started out with a speech I’d written and memorized, but it began to feel empty and emotionless. Instead, I abandoned it and spoke from my heart. As soon as I did, I could feel them relax. I saw the confidence in their eyes. They agreed with everything I was saying. The fear between us was beginning to slip away. I only wanted what was best for my men, and in return they would give me their all. I gave an overview of some new tactics I planned on using. They seemed interested. And then I talked about the Choosing. We would not have the advantage of first choice. That would go to my brother and two other Captains. However, I expected them to work with the recruits. It would do no good to avoid them or shun them when they needed advice. I told my men that I’d be choosing mentors for those who needed extra instruction. When I asked for volunteers in advance, a few raised their bows. This allowed me to see who I could count on and possibly recruit as leaders on the battlefield. All in all, everyone was attentive and seemed ready to make sure the Northern Guard stayed the strongest regiment of the Lórien army. There were only two that I questioned. Their mannerisms reflected their arrogance. It was common with any large group. Some thought they were above law and commands. I already had them pegged, and I would keep a close eye on them. It was nothing I could not handle, though. Even Haldir and Orophin would have troublemakers, and they knew how to keep them in line. I was confident that I would too.

The first part of the day was behind. Orientation went well, and I was happy with the results. I sent the men to their barracks for a brief rest and the afternoon meal. They would return to the training grounds and I would put them through exercises to see how well they fought. During this down time, I went to my office, and found numerous messages from other captains of the Guard. Some congratulated me, other’s challenged me. It was the usual. There was a note from Haldir, expressing his pride. Obviously, he had been observing me this morning, but he’d stayed true to his word and did not interfere. I read one message after another when I came to a folded slip of parchment with trace of a familiar earthy scent. My heart raced as I unfolded it. In a very neat hand it said simply, ‘Congratulations, Captain.’ It was signed with a single letter, T.

I folded the paper and immediately stuffed it inside my pocket, glancing around my office as though someone had seen me reading it. I was, of course, alone, but I couldn’t help myself. None of my acquaintances had ever sent me a note before. They would not dare risk it. Still, there was nothing incriminating here. It was a simple note signed with an initial, innocent enough that it would not raise suspicions if it had been intercepted. It made me worry though, for here was someone I had only just met and spoken to so briefly that I could barely consider him an acquaintance, sending me a message. But as much as it had me worried, it also had my blood thrumming with excitement. I was sure he would be at our meeting place tonight, and I could not wait to see him again. I would have to lay down the rules though. I could not have multiple notes sent from a mysterious person. As long as I was on duty, he should not and could not contact me. One thing that puzzled me though. All messages were stamped with a seal, especially those carried into the army camps. The one from Túron had no such seal, as though it had been hand delivered by the messenger himself. But that was not possible. Túron was a servant. He did not have permission to enter the military camp without escort, and definitely not into a Captain’s quarters. So how did the message end up among the others? I would have to ask him when I saw him tonight.

The rest of the day went smoothly once we got to the training grounds. There was a bit of confusion, and we had to wait for the trainees to finish their routines for the day. I let my men go ahead and watch the training session if they so pleased, but I did not go. I refused to watch the new recruits, remembering how anxious I was when I was a trainee and a Captain decided to watch. I’d always felt like I was being judged before I was ready. What if I made a mistake and he made his decision from that one mishap? It wasn’t just me. Other recruits in my class were just as nervous whenever any of the Captains came to the training grounds to watch. We were told that anything they witnessed in training would not go against us at the Choosing, but I didn’t believe that. First impressions were most important, I reminded myself. And so I refused to be one of the Captains that watched the trainees before the Choosing.

I did, however, have my friend, Tarlis, report his findings. I could trust his word and judgment, because he saw these recruits every day and knew how they were progressing. And since I would be one of the last to choose, I knew I would have more borderline recruits than head of the class types. Tarlis kept me informed about this particular group, and let me know which ones were making the best progress. My only rule was that there be no names, so there was no influence of family. So Tarlis identified the different elves with different traits, the tall lanky one, or the long blond haired one, the dark haired ellon or the one who shot left handed … things like that. They were anonymous to me, and I’d make sure it stayed that way until the day of the Choosing.

The day ended with success, and I sent my men off to the hot springs to ease their tired muscles. They were appreciative of this decision, and I think they could see that I would take care of them as long as they worked hard and followed orders. Even the troublemakers seemed likely to be less trouble. The men would have to remain at the barracks tonight, but I had a good hot meal sent to them, and they were allowed to take it easy for the rest of the night. It had been a stressful day, but rewarding, and I looked forward to doing it all over again tomorrow.

I sat in my office at the end of the day, finishing up paperwork and whatnot, when both of my brothers came in, a shit eating grin adorning each of their faces. Orophin grabbed me first, in a choke hold position where he could then ruffle my hair as he laughed. Haldir stood with his back against the wall, foot propped up and arms crossed, as he watched. Orophin released me and I pushed him away, laughing myself.

“Alright, alright,” I complained as I smoothed my hair down. “I see you are both pleased for me, though you have an odd way of showing it.”

“I knew you’d do well,” Orophin said. “And I’m just ecstatic that we get to do this together. With me and Rúmil as Captains, and Haldir as March Warden of the Northern Border Guard, we’ll be the most successful regiment in the history of the Lothlórien army.”

“We certainly have come a long way, haven’t we?” Haldir observed. “If only Father were still here to see us. He would be so proud.”

We fell silent for a moment as we each remembered our father and all he’d done for us. He would definitely be proud of his three sons, each a successful leader in the army. It was exactly what he’d always wanted for us, and we did not disappoint.

The three of us went to dinner together to celebrate our first day. Haldir and Orophin were in their cups by the time we parted. I’d made sure to drink moderately. I did not want anything to hinder me that evening. As the sun disappeared, my blood pulsed with excitement. It was almost time to seek out Túron in the gardens. A quick stop at my home to freshen up and change out of my uniform, and I was ready. I decided to dress in civilian clothes tonight. I didn’t want it to seem that I was always on duty. I was on duty enough as it was. It felt good to escape the titles and the regiment for a change. I wore grey legging and a white tunic with a matching grey jerkin that laced up the sides. I undid the tight warrior braids and decided on a loose braiding that would keep my hair from my face. It was a casual look, the way someone would appear when they were in no particular hurry, and that’s how I felt about Túron. I wanted to take my time getting to know him better.

* * * * *

The sun had been down for about half an hour by the time I arrived at the gardens. There were only a few couples walking the grounds, enjoying the early evening with a stroll through the fragrant flowers. Though the gardens were beautiful, it wasn’t thought of as a place where lovers met. There were other areas of the city of Caras Galadhon reserved for romance. The garden was a casual spot where friends or couples met to enjoy a quiet moment or to have casual conversations. So it would not look out of place for Túron and myself to be seen strolling the many pathways. We could enjoy each other’s company while getting acquainted. And I didn’t really expect any romance tonight, not on our first meeting. The tightening of my abdomen would say otherwise, but reason stood firm in my decision to take things slowly.

I entered the gate, and saw Túron immediately. He smiled, but not overly eager. I nodded and approached him. He wore green leggings and a surcoat of the same shade, tied with a belt around his waist. It was embroidered in silver thread, very rich looking, impressive for a servant. I thought it must be his best outfit. His hair was brushed straight and smooth, a beautiful shade of dark brown, and loose braids similar to my own.

As I closed the distance, he turned towards me, shoulders straight and head up, the corners of his mouth curved into a welcoming but nervous smile. And his eyes, ah, those beautiful blue eyes were such a contrast to his dark hair. They stood out in the evening like topaz gems gleaming by the pathway lights. He was simply gorgeous.

“Good evening, Túron,” I greeted him with a polite bow.

He greeted me the same. “Captain Rúmil, it is a pleasure.”

“Please, tonight I am simply Rúmil. No titles.”

“As you wish.” He glanced around the garden. “Beautiful evening, is it not?”

“Beautiful, indeed,” I answered, insinuating that it was more than the night that was pleasant.

We set off immediately, walking slowly, making small talk. He stayed close to my side, and I could feel the heat from his body transferring to mine. There was definitely a current running between us, exchanging its charge from one to the other. The feeling was strong, stronger than I’d ever remembered with anyone else. I didn’t like being nervous, but I feared I’d do something prematurely, and I didn’t want to scare him off. Túron seemed as confident as ever. I don’t think anything I might have done would have chased him away. He wanted to play this game just as much as I did.

“And that’s why I’m working as a server in the main hall. It is only temporary,” he said, finishing his brief background.

“So you have not always lived in Lothlórien?” I asked. His dark hair said he was Noldor, possibly from Imladris.

“Actually, I was born in Rivendell. My parents sailed when I was still an elfling, and my brothers raised me.”

“Oh, you have brothers,” I said, interested in learning about his family.

“They are members of the patrol guard in Imladris.”

“Your father,” I asked curiously. “Was he a soldier also?”

Túron smiled and shook his head. “He was a member of Lord Elrond’s court, a scribe and a translator. He could speak any language of Middle-earth.”

“Sounds like my brother, Haldir. He conducts most of the negotiations with outsiders, and he’s been taught almost every language.”

A light breeze swirled around us, and the leaves of the trees on either side of the path rustled. It was my favorite sound in the woods. I was reminded of evenings on duty, keeping a look out while the rest of the troops took their rest. There was something comforting about the sound of leaves moving, like that of falling rain.

I hadn’t realized I’d stopped walking until I felt the stillness of my feet. I had closed my eyes to allow nature’s music to wash over me. When I opened them, I found Túron standing directly in front of me, blue orbs scanning my countenance.

“Do you do that often?” he asked.

“My brothers tell me I used to do it all the time as an elfling. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. It is as though the trees are speaking to me, or perhaps singing a lullaby.” I shook myself and came to. “I apologize. I don’t even know I do it at times. It was rude of me. You were saying?”

Túron’s eyes narrowed with intrigue, and the corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. His head cocked to the side as he observed me. “You are very in tune, Rúmil. That is a rare quality.”

“Aren’t all elves just as perceptible?” I said, making a joke of my unusual and embarrassing behavior.

Túron was serious as he answered. “Not all of us can speak with the trees, neither do the trees speak with all elves. That is a gift not to be wasted.” He looked around the area, but we were completely alone in this part of the garden. When he was satisfied of our privacy, he reached out and took up my loose braid between his fingers. “There is more to you than I thought I knew.”

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. What could he possibly know about me? “I’ve never given it a second thought. It’s just some silly notion that I–”

“No, Rúmil, not silly. It is amazing. I wish I had that talent. I love spending time within the boughs of the trees, but try as I might, I cannot decipher their language. I am deaf in that way.”

Something changed between us after that. Túron, though still confident as usual, was not as flirtatious and carefree. Before he seemed reckless in that way, but now he reigned himself in, a sudden maturity I guess you could call it. It made me trust him more for some reason, made us seem more like in age than we really were. But I had to admit to myself that I liked the dangerous and daring side of Túron.

We found ourselves at the opposite end of the garden where there was a small gazebo covered in ivy. No one was around. All the other visitors had stayed towards the entrance where the flowers grew. In this area, there were mainly trees with benches that surrounded their trunks, but not much color.

“Would you like to sit a spell?” I asked, gesturing to the gazebo.

Túron nodded and we made our way to the private sitting area. Once inside, it felt like no one would ever find us here. The ivy grew thick and it hadn’t been trimmed in some time. Torches surrounded the outside, but inside it was cozy and dark, just the way I liked it. I sat and Túron sat opposite me. It was a little disappointing, but I knew better than to think we would sit side by side. We didn’t know each other very well yet.

“So,” Túron began the conversation. “I hear today was a success.”

“Word spreads quickly. Yes it was a good day. A little tense at first, but once I found my rhythm–” My choice of words caused me to hesitate. “Once I became comfortable in front of my troops, it went much smoother.” I thought of the message he’d sent. “I got your note. Thank you for that bit of confidence.”

“It was nothing, and I couldn’t help myself. I hope you don’t mind. I tried to be as discreet as possible.”

“It was fine.” I paused, not sure how to lead into this next comment. It seemed a bit early for rules, but . . . “Túron, I don’t know how much you know about the army and its laws–”

“I know them well. Rivendell has something similar.”

“I am surprised that, with your family history, you have not taken up soldiering,” I commented.

“Well, if it were up to my brothers I would be. They tried to teach me their ways, but alas it never stuck. However, I did become quite good with the bow. The sword though … definitely not my strong point.” He smiled and readjusted his posture, leaning back with his hands braced on the bench. It left him open and exposed, especially as he tilted his head to the side, revealing his long neck. “And you? Your brothers were successful I see.”

“My father mainly. He was a Captain and eventually March Warden of the Northern Border Guard. Haldir, Orophin and I grew up within the military. It was instilled upon us at a very early age.”

“You had no choice in the matter, then,” Túron said. His eyes roamed across me where I sat opposite him. “But then, you look as though you are built for it. Runs much deeper in your blood than in mine.”

“Actually, I never considered doing anything else. It’s second nature to me. I enjoy army life very much.”

“And yet–” He didn’t need to finish his sentence. I knew where he was going with the conversation.

“I’ve always been able to keep my private life separate. I never mix one with the other.”

“I daresay. So, how do you … do it?” he asked curiously.

I smiled impishly and raised a brow at him. “Discreetly.”

Túron raised his hands in the air and looked around our little sanctuary. “Like this?”

“More or less.”

His hands came back down and gripped the edge of the bench as he leaned forward. I could see his eyes were alight with a desire to know more. “Do you ever … push the limits?”

“What do you mean?”

He moved from his side of the gazebo and sat next to me, our legs slightly brushing against each other. “Do you ever put yourself in a compromising position, where you are within inches of discovery?”

“No, never,” I said stoutly. “I would never risk it. There’s too much at stake besides my own corruption. If I was caught, not only would I be ejected from the army, but my brothers would suffer as well. Scandal follows the family, not just the individual.”

“And you do not consider this a risk?” he said, gesturing to our surroundings.

“Can two friends not have a conversation? That’s all we are doing right now,” I answered.

Túron looked past my shoulder, gazing through the vines. “So it would not be considered scandalous for us to be discovered right now, especially by two other soldiers?”

“No, I wouldn’t–” but I paused as I turned to see who Túron was looking at. Passing outside of the gazebo was none other than Raenor and his brother Gúdir. That wasn’t the most surprising thing. They were accompanied by two females, one of them the elleth I took to the festival.

“Say, isn’t that the lady elf that you were with at the–”

“Yes,” I said, cutting him short. I watched as Raenor’s hand gently touched her lower back, guiding her along the garden path. His brother walked with another elleth, who I did not know. They followed Raenor at a slight distance. I wouldn’t have been disturbed, but for the look that Raenor wore upon his countenance, as though the girl were prey, and he was the wolf biding his time before he struck. Raenor might have tried to spread rumors about my brother Haldir … and he failed miserably … but stories told about Raenor were true. It was for this reason that I kept a sharp eye on them. “I think perhaps we better go.”

“Now?” Túron said surprised.

“Is there a problem?” The words seemed a little harsh, but I was too busy concentrating on Raenor. I had a feeling he was up to no good.

“There is a slight problem,” Túron answered.

“And what might that be?” I asked. I turned my eyes towards him, and found him only inches from me, studying my face, my lips mostly.

“Well, it’s just that … those soldiers are so close … and I am in a daring mood.” He covered his mouth over mine, kissing me solidly. And those full lips were just as delicious as I’d thought they’d be. I should have protested, pushed him away. Raenor and Gúdir were not far. The slightest movement, the slightest sound, and they would be upon us.

And then Túron’s hand was resting upon my chest, his lips assaulting mine, his tongue daring to taste. I found myself not caring what happened, as long as I could keep kissing Túron. My hand moved involuntarily around his waist, pulling his body against mine. We seemed a perfect fit.

I can’t begin to explain the charges of static that ebbed throughout my body as we kissed for the first time. No one had ever made me feel like this before. His lips were luxurious, like satin, as they slid against mine. His breath was warm upon my face. We moved together like we’d done this a thousand times already. There was no awkwardness, only escalated anticipation.

His hand came around behind my neck, and he drew closer to me until our chests heaved against each other. Both our breaths had become hurried as our tongues found passage. His scent of green and earth made me feel light headed. The world around me began to swirl, and the only thing keeping me from falling over was Túron. And I realized that I wanted him. My heart was thrumming wildly out of control, as though it would burst from my chest. I never wanted to stop kissing him, never wanted him to stop touching me. It felt so good, so right, so … dangerous, as we were only within earshot away from . . .

“You are disgusting. Take your hands off me this instant,” came the demands of the elleth not far from our hiding place.

On instinct, I pushed Túron away and turned to see what was happening outside. Raenor had the elleth pinned against a tree, trying to kiss her neck, his hands roaming where she did not want them to go. I watched the scene unfold, feeling like I was outside of my own body. I could still feel Túron upon my swollen lips, and I wanted badly to return to the previous moment.

Túron stood beside me and watched. “I guess I cannot persuade you to stay?”

I gave him a look with my brows furrowed in disbelief at his comment. Surely he wasn’t suggesting that I ignore her pleas? But he shook his head, knowing it was the wrong thing to say to a soldier. “Of course not. I’m sorry. Go on. Duty calls.” 

The elleth was struggling to get away from Raenor. I noticed that his brother was gone. Who knew what he was doing with the other girl, but I couldn’t watch out for both of them, and right then, Raenor was within my line of sight.

“Stay here,” I told Túron and stepped out of the gazebo, alone.

Raenor had a hold of the elleth’s arm, and his body pressed flat against hers. She was trying to slither out of his arms, but he would not let her go. And then she saw me standing behind Raenor, and stopped struggling. Raenor stopped moving also, sensing an intrusion. He glanced back over his shoulder.

“It’s a lovely night for a walk,” I started, not wanting to be aggressive. I knew Raenor through my brother’s experience with him. He could become quite agitated rather quickly.

Raenor turned and backed away from the elleth, though he still clenched one hand around her arm. “Well, if it isn’t one of the Lórien Three.”

“Captain Rúmil to you,” I demanded.

He laughed quietly under his breath, and his darkened eyes settled on me menacingly. “Ah, yes. I heard the news. Of course, it is only because of your brother, Haldir that you are in this new position. I still out rule you … Captain. Now, off with you before I find a reason to report you.” He turned back to the elleth. “Where were we?”

“I was just leaving,” she scowled.

“Oh, but the night is still young. Can you not find it within your heart to–”

“The lady said she would like to retire for the evening.” My ire was rising quickly, and I took several steps closer as I interrupted.

Raenor rounded on me, scanning me as though looking for something. “What’s the matter, Captain? Can’t find an elleth of your own, so you’re going to take mine?”

“I am not yours to keep or to give away,” she said pugnaciously. She yanked her arm from his grip and left the irritated March Warden standing beside the tree where he’d trapped her. “Rúmil, will you see me home properly?”

“It will be my pleasure,” I said, holding an arm out for her to take, but I was suddenly grabbed from behind, and face to face with an angry Raenor.

“No one will be taking her home except me.” Raenor proceeded to push me, and took my place at the elleth’s side. She made to move away from him, but he took hold of her in his iron grasp. She thrashed her arm, trying to get away, but Raenor would have none of it.

I was through with this idiot. March Warden or not, no one treated a woman like property, nor should they demand their person upon her if she did not wish it. I stormed towards him and grabbed his arm, squeezing it hard until he let her go. When he unlatched his claw, he came after me, but I dodged his attack and tripped him. Too smart to fall for that simple trick, Raenor caught himself before he stumbled. Anger dressed his eyes. I knew I had a fight on my hands, and whether I won or not made no difference. Raenor was a March Warden. Even though he was of the Eastern Border Guard, he was still a superior officer in the army, and I would likely be reprimanded for fighting with a commander. At the moment, though, I didn’t care. Then, just as I was about to defend the lady’s virtue, a solid hand grasped my shoulder, stopping me.

“Gentlemen, what seems to be the trouble here?” It was Túron. He’d come out of the gazebo, but it had gone unnoticed due to our ruckus.

Raenor took one quick look at Túron and knew he was a civilian. “Nothing to see here. The Captain is speaking out of order to a commanding officer, and I was about to teach him a thing or two of respect.” He took me by my upper arm, as if he was about to lead me away from the scene. Túron set a hand on Raenor’s shoulder, and smiled with a calming nature.

“I’m sorry, March Warden, but I’ve been watching the scene unfold here, and I think it is you who needs a lesson in scruples. I fortunately heard the lady ask you to unhand her. Captain Rúmil was only coming to her aid after witnessing your disapproval in her decision to go home. How about this? As a third party, and an outside spectator, I will offer to escort . . .” He paused and smiled at the elleth, eyebrows raised in question.

“Oh,” she said, as though regaining consciousness. “Uh, Lennil.”

Túron took up her hand and kissed it lightly on the knuckles. “Lovely name for a lovely elleth. Anyways, as I was saying, I shall see that Lennil makes it safely to her door. You two can stay here and come to some kind of an accord, though, I suggest that the March Warden overlook anything that happened here tonight. I’d hate to have to report my findings to the Lord and Lady.”

I was amazed. I was stunned. Túron handled himself professionally, hardly what one would expect of a servant. In that moment I knew there was more to him than I’d first perceived.

Raenor, however, was scowling at him, caught off guard and accused of misconduct. Just as quickly, he straightened himself and regained his composure. “Fine, please see the lady home.” Then he turned to me. “I’ll let this little mishap slip by just this once, Captain, but should we meet again under such circumstances, it will be your brother who has to deal your punishment. And by law, it will be his duty.”

“Good evening, gentlemen,” Túron interrupted. Then he offered his arm to Lennil and directed her along the path. I watched them walk away, wishing I was in the elleth’s place, and that I was escorting Túron to my own abode. But now was neither the time nor the place.

Now that I was alone with Raenor, I let my ire come forth and turned to him with an angry stare. “I don’t know what you’re about, but I smell a scandal. If you think anything that happened here will come back to my brother, and that you’ll try to use it to dirty his name or reputation, think again. There is a witness who says you were in the wrong.”

Raenor looked absolutely disgusted. “Now see here! I don’t know what Haldir has told you but–”

“He’s told me enough, and I’ve seen enough to know that you would do anything to have him tossed out of his position, out of the army, and see that his name and my family’s name was no longer acceptable to utter within military circles.”

I thought I had Raenor cornered, but he smiled sickeningly and fixed me with a repugnant stare. “You seem awfully quick to cast threats at me, Rúmil. Perhaps I was not the only one behaving badly. I know my reasons for attending the gardens tonight. What might you be doing here?”

“I was merely taking a walk,” I countered.

“By yourself? Seems suspicious already.” He paused and sized me up. “I happen to know that you escorted Lennil to the festival a few weeks back. Perhaps you are jealous that she is with me and not you, and you thought you’d ambush me. What happened? Did she have second thoughts about being seen on the arm of one of the Lórien brothers? Was it something you did, or perhaps something you didn’t do?”

It was a beautiful early summer night, still feasibly cool when the sun had set, but I was seeing red and feeling the flames of Mordor licking at my back. “It is none of your business what transpired between the lady and myself, but I’ll tell you this much. She was treated properly, and not slobbered upon.” I got right up close to his face and narrowed my eyes. “I’ll not stand here another moment and bandy words with the likes of you.” I turned at once and started to walk away, but Raenor had one more comment to throw at me.

“Wouldn’t happen to be here with that ellon, I hope. That would not bode well with the army,” he called smartly.

I stopped and stood still as I tried to gather myself before I responded. It was a chancy thing he was accusing me of. It was also true, and it could ruin me and my family. I was treading dangerous territory, and my reaction would speak louder than any words of denial. Luckily, I didn’t have to respond. Gúdir, Raenor’s brother, entered the path, picking leaves from his clothes, the elleth with him not in much better condition. There were dirt smudges on her skirts, and her hair was slightly tumbled. She looked giddy as she walked alongside Gúdir. At least whatever they had been up to was mutual.

“What’s going on here?” Gúdir asked, pulling the elleth along with him.

“Where’s Lennil?” the lady asked, looking around the area.

“She retired early,” Raenor answered, his eyes never leaving mine in warning not to speak. Seems he didn’t want his brother to know about his lewd behavior.

Gúdir looked from his brother, to me, and back at Raenor. Then he clapped a sturdy hand upon his older brother’s shoulder. “Come on, Raenor, let’s be on our way. Maybe we’ll catch up to Lennil.”

Raenor wasn’t ready to leave just yet, but he followed his brother all the same. He still eyed me even as they left the area. I couldn’t help but think he was up to something, just like Haldir had been saying. Only now, I wondered if he was going to try to use me as his subject. I wondered what had showed upon my face as he accused me of having relations with Túron. Had I given myself away? I was always very careful to be discreet about such things, but when threatened . . .

I didn’t think it was possible, but one could never tell. Seems things changed once a person obtained a title. Being Captain was not going to be easy in any sense of the position. There were those who were out to ruin me, mainly Raenor. But I knew it was not me he was after, rather through me, he could ruin Haldir and Orophin as well. So much for quiet walks through the gardens with Túron, or any such suspicious behavior. It was times like this that I wished I’d picked another form of career.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the course of the next several days, Túron and I met in well lit, busy places like the dining hall or the library. I made sure that our time together was spent in the eyes of others, to dismiss any presumptions that Raenor might have tried to throw upon me. This slight setback did not deter my growing feelings for Túron. I enjoyed his company very much. We had more in common than one might think between a soldier and a servant, though I was sure he was destined for something more. His father had been a scribe in Rivendell. I’d asked him about it, wondering if he might follow in his father’s footsteps. Túron always skirted the issue. There were still many things I didn’t know about him, and he was not very open to divulging any of it. In time, perhaps he would feel more secure.

Tonight, we had enjoyed a lovely performance by some of Lothlórien’s most talented minstrels. The hall was filled, brimming with elves who had come out for an evening’s entertainment. Túron and I arrived early enough that we procured two seats, not center, but in a decent enough place. Actually, it was an alcove. We’d have no one sitting on one side of us. And behind our seats was a dividing screen, separating this section of the hall from the one behind us to allow room for guests to come and go as they pleased. The large room was decorated beautifully, with low lanterns hanging from the bows of the trees above. They gave off a soft light that reminded me of fireflies. And the scent of lavender and sage was very pleasant. There were tufts of it strategically placed around the hall.

Refreshments were located near the entryways. Túron and I had taken up our glasses earlier, but they were empty now. Wine servers were floating around the hall, refilling goblets, but I did not see anyone close to us. We would have to wait.

I glanced sideways and wondered. “I would have thought you to be employed for this event.”

“I was supposed to be, but I asked for a reprieve.” Túron lifted his empty glass, and then turned a furrowed brow. “If I had been, your glass would be full.”

“If you had been, we would not be enjoying this delightful evening,” I reminded him. He smiled and I couldn’t help but watch those ruby lips, wishing I could taste them again. “Túron, these past few evenings have been wonderful, but I find myself wanting to see more of you. Will you join me tomorrow, perhaps for the noontime meal, or just tea if it pleases you?”

He answered without meeting my eyes. “I wish that I could, but my days are quite filled. Besides, I thought we must be discreet. Aren’t you afraid that people might talk?”

By people, I knew he meant Raenor. “There is no rule saying two friends cannot spend time in each other’s company.”

“Friends?” Túron said with a cynical expression.

The musicians were still behind the curtain, tuning their instruments and warming up. The seats around us were still empty, and they would possibly remain that way until the better viewing areas were filled. We had time to speak openly without being overheard. “You know what I mean,” I answered.

Just then, the screen behind us jostled. “Rúmil? Let you off the base, did they? I would have thought you’d be too busy for an evening of merriment, especially now that you’ve been made Captain.”

I turned to find Beldor peeking over the temporary wall. I wouldn’t exactly describe him as a friend, though we did meet as friends on occasion. Beldor was an acquaintance, but on a more personal level. “You confuse me with my brothers perhaps,” I jested. “I still manage to find time for myself.”

“Good to know,” Beldor answered, his eyes gleaming into mine. He glanced towards Túron and then back to me.

“Allow me to introduce an old friend of mine,” I said to Túron. “Beldor.”

Túron smiled to the screen behind us. “Nice to meet you, Beldor. I am Túron.”

Beldor gave Túron a critical eye, but only briefly. He would never do anything to jeopardize me. However, he was my lover on occasion, and though we had no commitment, he could be a bit jealous. I thought it best to make this introduction brief. “I see you are out for a bit of merriment yourself.”

“The harpist is phenomenal. I never miss a performance,” Beldor replied, but his vision kept drifting to Túron. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be nosy, but … have we ever met before?”

Túron seemed a bit nervous suddenly. I thought he must be thinking about us being seen together in public, and that whole fiasco with Raenor. I don’t think he was used to having to keep secrets, so I answered for him.

“Túron has worked as a server for numerous events. Perhaps that is where you might have seen him before.” I gave Beldor a harsh glare, and he understood my meaning instantly.

“I believe you are correct then. That must explain it,” he said politely. Túron smiled and nodded in agreement, but I could see that he wished Beldor would just leave. “Well,” Beldor continued. “I must go and claim a decent seat before they are all gone. You seem not to have found such a good location. If I find a better place, shall I save them and wave you over?”

I smiled most cordially. “Thank you, but we are comfortable where we are.”

Beldor looked around him, noticing the aisle that we had access to. “Ah, I see your point. You’ll be the first ones to leave at the end of the performance. Smart thinking. Well then, enjoy. And, Rúmil, don’t be a stranger.” With that said, he was gone, swallowed up in the crowd of elves rushing to take their seats.

Túron was silent beside me. I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn’t have to wonder long. “An old friend, you say?”

“We go back a ways, yes.” I could feel the heat rise on my cheeks. There was more silence.

“You know,” Túron finally said. “For someone who wants to be discreet, you seem to have a most flamboyant friend.”

“Well, we don’t normally meet under such circumstances, and if we do, it’s a rule that we remain within reasonable acknowledgement of each other.”

“Hmm,” Túron mumbled. That was all he said for a while. In the meantime, a wine server came around. Túron took his, and I took two for myself. My nerves were rattled, but the full flavored red took the edge off, especially when I drank them with gusto. When I glanced at Túron, he was smirking.

“What?” I said defensively.

He leaned towards me and spoke quietly. “You two are lovers.” It was not a question.

“On occasion.”

“And I take it that the ‘occasion’ has not presented itself for a while now?” he hinted.

“It has been a long while,” I admitted.

“Happens to the best of us,” he said, and when I looked in his direction, Túron was smiling impishly. “All the better for me then.”

“You seem rather sure of yourself.” I liked the playful banter between us. It made my body warm in certain places. “I hardly know you.”

“That’s because we have not had the ‘occasion,’” he jested. “And now is neither the time nor the place.”

“Then perhaps we better find a place and make the time.” That was the wine talking, as well as other things that had a mind of their own.

“Why, Captain,” Túron said with mock surprise. “Are you suggesting that . . .” He leaned in close, pretending to hand me something so that those around us would not find our behavior suspicious. “. . . that we abandon our original plans and make our own version of merriment?”

“That depends on whether or not you agree.”

“Oh, I do … wholeheartedly. Shall we go now, before the entertainment begins?”

It was a perfect time to leave, while many elves still came and went. We wouldn’t be missed, neither would we draw attention since there were so many wandering around. “I believe some form of entertainment has already started,” I said as I stood to leave. Túron followed and we left the hall. I finished the last of the wine, and set my glass on a table just outside the doorway. With the warmth of the wine purling in my stomach, and the heat of my blood pulsating in lower regions, I led Túron to my home.

* * * * *

To say Túron was a wonderful lover was somewhat of an understatement. He was gentle, thorough, attentive to my needs, and not hesitant to tell me his. We remained in a state of bliss all night. Now, in the predawn hours, as he slept against my side, I wondered what would happen next. I’d begun feeling a connection to Túron. He could be more than just another stop along my path, but I wasn’t sure how he felt. It was not easy being with a soldier, and especially a Captain. Could we make this work? Would he want to? As I watched him in his slumber, I studied the curve of his shoulder, the length of his arms, and the smoothness of his skin. I took in the scent that was his, earth and green. His dark hair cascaded over his pillow, flowing like a temptable river, provoking me to drown in its softness, rousing me with the very thought. It had blanketed my thighs earlier in the evening, before we became intimately familiar with each other in other ways. I’d felt those lips in more places than on my own, and I wished to return the favor. What better way to be awakened in the morning, I smiled to myself.

I slipped out of the covers, careful not to wake him. Then I proceeded to lick the salt of his skin, the pebbling of his nipple, the slight muscling of abdomen, and lower until I reached my final destination. Only half aroused, I began my ministrations, and when he was finally at full attention, I took him in, and reveled in the taste of his solidness covered by satiny flesh upon my tongue. Túron moaned and arched his back, hips gyrating as he woke from his reverie. My silver hair draped over one of his thighs, where my hand squeezed and kneaded the flexing muscle. Túron might be a servant, but he had the body of one who stayed active. I wondered what he did in his spare time.

His cries became louder as he pulsated, ballocks drawing up, ready to unleash himself. I coaxed him, increasing my movements. His hands pushed on the back of my head, and I knew he was ready to surrender. And at last, I drank him in, swallowing, savoring that which was unique to him alone, until he was devoid of his essence. Then I abandoned my post and came to rest at his side. His breathing was erratic, and I soothed him with my hand upon his chest. His breath came easier after a while, and he smiled. He gave a satisfied laugh, and I knew I’d done my job well.

“Good morning,” I purred.

“Very good at that. I wish to be awakened every day in this manner. You have an amazing talent, Rúmil.” Túron rolled to his side.

“I was just thinking the same thing,” I said, and adjusted so that we fit together better.

“What, that you are talented?” he jested.

I sank my teeth into the flesh of his shoulder, causing him to flinch. “No, wise arse, about waking together.” He remained silent, and I feared that I’d revealed too much. “I’ve spoken too soon,” I whispered.

“No. No, it’s not that.” His hand squeezed my thigh as he tried to save the moment, but I could tell that he was uncomfortable.

“It’s alright. You don’t have to say anything else. Just pretend I didn’t say it.”

“But you did say it.”

I looked up into his vivid blue eyes, finding fear, but also understanding. “Sometimes I can’t help myself. I enjoy your company, Túron. I like being with you. I’m comfortable around you. I know you’ll not do anything to harm me.”

“You are very trusting.”

“Should I have a reason to worry?” I asked. He turned his head and looked towards the window, avoiding my question. “Túron?”

He regained himself, and smiled before looking at me, as though he was gearing up for something. “The truth is, Rúmil that you don’t know me, and I don’t know you.”

“Well yes, but I’ve always been a very good judge of character,” I argued playfully. His seriousness was not diminishing.

“What I mean is, there are things you do not know about me. In time, I hope that we will learn more about each other, and when you know my secrets, you will still want me. But for right now–”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “You said, ‘in time’. Does this mean you want to stay around?”

He gave me a quizzical look just then. “Where would I be going?” Then he paused and awareness came to the forefront of his thinking. “Oh … ohh,” he said, dragging the word out long. “You thought that I wanted to be nothing more than one of your liaisons … like Beldor? Is that it?”

“Well, I don’t know. I guess I did. I mean … nothing has ever worked outside of … that. I’m a soldier, Túron. You know my situation.”

“I do, very much so. I told you, my brothers are soldiers in Imladris. I know the laws, maybe a little too well.”

I furrowed my brows at his comment. “What do you–?”

He bent towards me and captured my lips, sharing my breath, silencing my inquiry. When he drew away, he looked deep into my eyes and smiled. “All in good time, but not now. I’m enjoying this morning too much to journey into my past.”

“You are an unusual elf, Túron.”

“Good,” he laughed. “So, what is on your agenda today?”

“Nothing actually.” The next two days were a reprieve for the soldiers as well as the new recruits. “I am to meet with my brothers this evening, but my day is free. And you?”

“Nothing,” he said slyly.

“You did not work last night for the performance, and now today also? You are not deliberately taking leave are you?” The last thing I wanted was to be the reason why he was slacking.

“Tomorrow I work. Today was already a scheduled day off. Last night, I requested. All is well.”

“So what shall we do today then?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll come up with something,” he answered, and I felt his readiness against my thigh. Needless to say, we spent the day in each other’s intimate company.

* * * * *

I met Haldir and Orophin for an evening of wine and conversation. We’d all been so busy with our troops that we had hardly spent any time together. Haldir hosted the evening at his home. It was a modest setting, the small living quarters of an officer who was hardly ever there, a place to take a quiet meal, to sleep, and to entertain a minimal amount of guests, or a willing elleth. I could tell someone had been here recently, probably last evening. My nose detected a hint of tuberose and the ghostly scent something more sensual. My older brother kept his affairs very private, perhaps as secretive as I kept mine, but without the danger of discovery. Haldir was not ready to settle down with anyone, but he had the same wants and needs as anyone else.

We each took our usual seat, Haldir in his chair, and Orophin and I on the settee. The wine was particularly enjoyable. It was a sweet red, and when I closed my eyes, I visualized the flavor of dark berries such as blackberry and black cherry. I swirled it in my glass and watched how it stained the sides. A delectable vintage to be sure. We were not going anywhere any time soon, and so I let myself indulge for a change. Tomorrow was another free day. If I gave way to the wine, then that was alright. I had no one to report to in the morning.

I couldn’t help but notice Haldir’s somber mood. He wasn’t the chattiest of us three, but he did enjoy sitting back and listening to Orophin and me as we told in detail recent events. Orophin was telling us about one certain soldier in his regiment who thought a little too highly of himself. He had taken his talk a bit too far, and his Captain—that that would be Orophin—challenged him. It ended badly for the young soldier, who was at that very moment restringing the trainees’ bows. I laughed as Orophin explained the youth’s face when he realized what punishment lay ahead of him. When I glanced over at Haldir, his eyes were focused beyond the walls of his home, deep in thought, and not paying attention to the conversation. I nudged Orophin with my elbow and nodded in Haldir’s direction. We watched him as he was oblivious to anything we had just said. Orophin made a face and sighed.

“What is it, brother?” he asked, but Haldir didn’t respond at first. I cleared my throat a few times, and he finally looked up in our direction.

“I’m sorry. You were saying?” Haldir said.

“You are distracted tonight. What is bothering you?” I asked.

He lifted his glass to his lips, paused, and then took a healthy sip before he spoke. “Old rivalries seemed to have sprung up.”

“And what has Raenor done this time,” Orophin asked dryly.

“He hasn’t done a thing. That is the problem.” Haldir’s ire was evident in his tone. He sat his glass down rather hastily, and moved to the edge of his chair, hands folded together. “He’s always stirring something up, especially at this time, but it has been too quiet … too uneventful. I think he is up to something much more devious than before, and I don’t like it one bit.”

Ever since Haldir was promoted to his current position, Raenor had tried to find ways to discredit him, or force him into some kind of failure. He’d tried spreading rumors about Haldir behaving despicably towards his troops, but no one believed the lies being told. Everyone knew that Haldir ruled with a firm, but fair hand. There had been other incidents, but Raenor never could tarnish Haldir’s reputation. My brother was always a step ahead, prepared for anything that his rival might throw at him.

This ridiculous feud went back much further than between Haldir and Raenor. Our father and his had been in a similar situation, jealous of each other’s accomplishments. Father had always been the better of the two, and Raenor’s father could hardly stand being second. Often times, I felt that we were pushed hard because our ada wanted to continue what he had started. And another generation of competitors was born, most of it falling to Haldir. Orophin and I were not as competitive, nor were we our family’s namesake. That title fell to Haldir, the oldest.

For the most part, it was harmless, until recent years when Raenor’s challenges and attacks were on a more personal level. Nothing worked, though, and he became more aggressive. Haldir was prepared. Nothing would get in his way, especially now that he had become March Warden of the Northern Guard. I couldn’t understand Raenor’s strife with my brother. He had moved up the ranks, but with the Eastern Guard. It wasn’t the largest unit in the army, but they were just as important. And when it came to war, there shouldn’t be any separation between the different armies. Still, during these days leading up to the Choosing, the individual Guards could be a bit competitive.

“Perhaps Raenor has finally matured, and he is tired of petty squabbles,” Orophin offered as a way to alleviate Haldir’s meager disposition.

Haldir shook his head. “I don’t know, but something is amiss. Has he approached either one of you?” He looked to me and then to Orophin as he waited for an answer.

“I haven’t seen or heard anything from him,” Orophin answered.

“I saw him in the gardens the other evening, him and his brother, Gúdir. Raenor was trying to gain the attention of an elleth.” I decided not to tell them is was Lennil, the elleth from the festival. I didn’t feel like discussing my personal life. 

“What happened?” Orophin asked eagerly.

“I didn’t much care for his insistence with her, and I stayed within earshot, just in case. Unfortunately, I had to intervene. I told him to leave the elleth alone. He didn’t like my meddling, he called it. We exchanged a few words, and finally he left.”

“When was this?” Haldir asked.

“I don’t know. A couple weeks ago, I guess,” I answered.

Haldir knitted his brows in my direction. “You should not involve yourself in Raenor’s business. Do you understand?” he said harshly.

“I wasn’t going to let him harass her. He was not obeying her objections,” I defended myself. “Besides, I can handle myself with Raenor. He’s nothing but a bully.”

“He has a way of twisting things and making them into something that could come back on you,” Haldir said with a warning tone.

“What were you doing at the gardens anyways?” Orophin smiled fiendishly. “Were you with the elleth from the dance? Her sister told me how fond of you she was.” So much for my personal life staying personal.

And now began the unending questions and hints about who I should court. I never could seem to get away from their matchmaking, but I’d become an expert at handling it so that they gave up easily, and moved on to other subjects. My brothers would inquire about this elleth or that, give their opinion as to whether she was a worthy contingent or not, settle on one individual, and then push their opinions onto me while attacking the matter of my unending bachelorhood. I would go along with their suggestions, raise an eyebrow here and there, mention her good qualities, and in the end find a reason why it would not work. Once I had them thoroughly convinced that they were wrong, they would move on and forget about my personal life, or lack thereof. Besides, they didn’t have much argument about the subject, being single and unattached themselves.

This situation was different, since the elleth with Raenor was the same one who had attended the festival with me. Orophin was nosing around my business again, and like always, I had to come up with a way to avoid him. “No, I wasn’t alone, but I was not with an elleth. I was with a friend of mine.”

“Is he in the Northern Guard? Perhaps I know him,” Haldir said.

“He is not a soldier. He is a servant.”

“You’ve made friends with a servant?” Orophin said in a tone that I found to be unflatteringly conceited.

“That is a bit rude, don’t you think?” I countered. “Yes, he is a servant, and he is quite good at it, too.” Among other things. “We met at the festival the other evening, and struck up a conversation.” As I spoke, they both studied me with confused countenances. I stopped and regarded each of them in turn. “Do you not have acquaintances outside of the army?”

Haldir and Orophin looked at each other, and then back at me. Haldir shrugged his shoulders, no longer concerned. Orophin gave me a curious look and said, “I do, but I don’t go strolling through the gardens with them.”

I laughed to cover my nervousness. “I had gone to the gardens for a bit of relaxation, and came upon him along one of the pathways. We remembered each other from the previous evening, had an enjoyable walk, and a friendship developed. Do you have a problem with that, Orophin? Or am I not allowed to have any friends now that I am a Captain?” Try as hard as I might, I could not keep my voice from rising in anger.

“Come now, Oro,” Haldir interrupted, using the nickname he’d given our brother when he was just an elfling. It embarrassed him to be called by such, and when used, was usually implied that he was behaving childishly. Haldir had a way of letting us know these kinds of things without saying it aloud. “You know as well as I, Rúmil has always been the one to make friends easiest. And they are not always soldiers like your friends.”

Orophin took a long sip from his glass, not looking at either of us. “I don’t see the point,” he said with the glass still in front of his lips.

I didn’t want to discuss Túron anymore and decided to return the conversation back towards Haldir. “So, why are you so suspicious of Raenor? I would think it a good thing that he has not tried ruining your life.”

Haldir stood from his chair and went to the hearth. He had lit a fire at the beginning of the evening, but by now it had reduced to glowing embers. He bent and picked up some wood, tossing it into the mouth of the fireplace. “Well,” he started slowly, getting his thoughts together. “I can’t help but think that if he is not putting his attention on me, then where is he focusing it on? I’ve known Raenor all my life, and he never attacks from the shadows. He always comes at me directly, and I see him coming. He’s changed tactics this time, I think. It makes me very concerned. I don’t like to be surprised, and I haven’t the slightest idea what he is about.”

“I think he’s given up,” Orophin said. “He is March Warden of the Eastern Guard now. He’s accomplished his goal, same as you. You know the two of you are equals, even if you don’t get along.”

“It’s true,” I agreed. “I never understood the rivalry anyways. You are both excellent at what you do.”

“We are too much alike,” Haldir said with a darkened tone. “Same as our fathers were.”

No one ever explained that part of my father’s past. I knew that there was animosity between them, but I never knew why. Whenever I asked about it, my brothers would change the subject quickly, or tell me I was too young to understand.

“Well, stay cautious, but don’t let it invade your life,” I advised. “That could be his strategy this time. He knows you’ll be expecting something, and if he does nothing, it could mean your insanity.”

The corner of Haldir’s mouth quirked up into a smile. “I highly doubt I will be so affected, but I thank you all the same.”

* * * * *

Several days later, there was a dance social, and though my brothers could not attend, I decided to go myself. Showing unaccompanied was a risk, but one I was willing to take. My reason … Túron was a wine server for the occasion, and I had not seen him since the night we’d spent together; duty called for both of us. It was not a very convenient way to spend time together, but I was finding it more and more difficult to stay away from him. Being absent from one another had been difficult. It had been almost a week, and I needed to see his lovely face with my own eyes, not from memory. The fact was, I thought I was falling for him, and I was pretty sure he was for me too. We hadn’t admitted to anything. It was a delicate subject, to say the least. I had never felt so at ease with someone, unafraid to be myself in his presence.

The hall was beautifully decorated with ivy swags and bright lanterns. Purple was the theme, as there were flowers of all shades and species, and it smelled sweet and succulent. The room was abuzz with elves chatting, laughing and making merriment. More than a few pairs of feminine eyes spotted me, alone, and I could see their minds working as to how to gain my attention. Of course, I was here with only one goal in mind, to see Túron. I wanted to sit in his section, but the evening hadn’t commenced just yet, and everyone was still standing and making their acquaintances. The servers wouldn’t come out of the kitchens until everyone was settled. I decided to stay at the edge of the gathering, out of the center of conversations and unattached ellith. For now I just wanted to observe, and see who might be in attendance tonight.

There were only a few military, none of them from the higher ranks such as myself. None of them were from my regiment. Still, I had to play the part and keep up appearances, and that meant not being seen as too friendly with Túron. I was actually looking forward to it. I knew just how to walk on the edge of danger. My plan, I hoped, was to get Túron into such a frenzied state of secret lust, that he would have no choice but to come home with me once he was off duty, where we could ravage each other until the break of dawn. And then I would tell him my feelings, and hope I was met with a positive response.

A line of servants emerged from the kitchen, signaling the beginning of the evening’s events. They were all dressed similarly, in lavender robes tied with a blue sash and slippers to match. The servants wore their hair long, but tied back with a leather thong. The women wore a crown of lilac, the men a simple ribbon worn like a circlet adorning their foreheads. The first servants carried out a large wooden plank with a full roasted boar positioned on its belly wreathed with greens, apples and grapes. It smelled delectable and my stomach growled with anticipation as I watched the next servants bring steaming bowls of vegetables and baskets of bread. Finally, the wine servants flowed from the double doors in pairs. Each one carried a silver tray with full glasses in one hand, and a bouquet of flowers tied with a purple ribbon with the other.

I stepped forward to hopefully catch Túron’s eye, and felt someone brush up against me, taking hold of my arm. I glanced down and found a very pretty elleth with hazel eyes and an impish smile. Bold, I thought to myself.

“Good evening, Captain,” she said with confidence that I wouldn’t pull away from her hold.

“My lady,” I returned with a bow. When I looked up, Túron was standing in front of me.

“Wine, Captain?” he asked. Then he handed the bouquet to the elleth beside me, as was custom. “For the lady,” he said cordially. He retrieved a glass from his tray and handed it to me. “And for her most handsome accompaniment.”

“Thank you,” I replied, and set my eyes on him. He couldn’t return my steamy gaze, or the elleth would see, but she was too busy burying her nose in the sweet smelling flowers. I sipped from my glass, and he dared a curving of the corner of his mouth. “As usual, a very full bodied flavor. The kind that is deserving of slow savor.”

The elleth at my elbow looked up from the flowers and smiled. “I’ll have a glass.”

Túron gave her a glass, bowed his head and turned to go about his duty, but I had one last thing to say. “You will be keeping our glasses full?”

“It would be my pleasure, Captain, if you’ll not mind sitting close to the dance floor. That is my station for the evening.”

I bowed and Túron was gone. The game was on. Now to find another unsuspecting soul to pass the elleth on to. As luck would have it, there was no one without company in the vicinity. So I led her to the tables, pulled her chair out and helped her to her seat. Before I sat with her, I stood at her side. “You seem to know who I am, my lady, but I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.”

“My name is Calithil. Perhaps you know my sister, Lennil,” she said with a sly tone.

“Why yes, of course.” I was already wary of this elleth.

I took my seat anyways, as was proper and looked around for Túron, but he was nowhere in sight. Then I felt my hand lift as it was hugged tight to her cleavage. “That was a very brave thing you did for my sister the other night, in the gardens.”

“You mean the incident with Raenor?” I responded, and felt her grip loosen. I pulled my hand safely away.

“I warned her to stay away from that ellon, but she would not listen. I wonder though, why she was with him and not you. Do you not find Lennil appealing?” Calithil asked nosily.

“Your sister is delightful, but it was a mutual understanding that we found no more interest in each other than that of friendship. However, I agree that she should have thought twice before choosing Raenor for company,” I assented.

“Well, sometimes I do not understand her choices. As for me, on the other hand, I know a gentleman when I see one.” She smiled sweetly, but I felt her foot touch my calf and begin to travel slowly upwards.

I reached down with my hand and removed said foot immediately. “Then you should know that a gentleman views such actions as unmannerly, my lady.”

“Only if the lady does not wish it,” she purred.

I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, and began to have second thoughts about my plan to attend the event alone. I’d come just to observe from the shadows and hopefully find a private moment with Túron, not to be harassed by an overbearing elleth.

“Calithil, there you are,” called another female. I turned to see Lennil approaching us and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sister,” Calithil said with surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Silly,” Lennil laughed nervously. “You knew I’d be here.” She smiled and curtsied in my direction. “I see you found Captain Rúmil. I was hoping you would be here tonight. I never got the chance to thank you properly.” She turned to her sister with a critical eye. “Don’t you think you should get back to your date?”

“My date?” Calithil said with confusion. She followed her sister’s line of sight and sighed, rolling her eyes as her shoulders slumped in defeat. “You didn’t,” she accused.

“He’s been looking for you. Even picked out a quiet table near the back corner,” Lennil smiled.

“You told him I was coming, didn’t you?” Anger tinged Calithil’s words as she grew more and more upset with every moment that passed. I kept my mouth shut and observed my savior at work.

“I didn’t tell him, Sister. He overheard you speaking with your friends.”

Calithil pushed back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest and pouted. “Well, I did not come here with him. I came with–” she started, but I brought her up short.

“My lady, you did not come here with me either,” I pointed out quickly.

Calithil looked from me to her sister, hoping one of us would have a change of heart. When neither of us said anything, she unfolded her arms, shoved them down straight at her sides with her hands in tight fists, and made a frustrated moan. “Fine then, but I am leaving, and he better not follow me.” Calithil stood and started to march off, but stopped and glared at her sister. “I hope you’re happy,” she complained and stomped unbecomingly out of the hall. I took the moment to look for this ellon Lennil spoke of, and saw him jump up and rush after her. Lennil laughed quietly at my side.

“I’m sorry about that,” she apologized. “Calithil can be a bit of a nuisance.”

“It’s fine. No harm was done, except perhaps to your sister.”

“She’ll get over it quickly. It’s the ellon chasing after her that might come to harm if he gets in her way,” Lennil said. She looked at the table, and picked up the bouquet of flowers, shaking her head. “I knew she was coming here tonight for a reason, but I did not know it was because of you. I really must apologize again for her behavior. Calithil has always been too outgoing for her own good. She means well, but pushes too far sometimes.”

“As I said, all is well. And what about you? The other night … in the gardens?”

“Oh,” she laughed and waved it off with her hand. “Long forgotten, that one. I should have known better than to let Raenor talk me into a walk. I really do appreciate what you did for me, you and your friend.”

“I see empty glasses,” Túron said, appearing out of thin air behind me. He was surprised to see Lennil, and her too. “Why, it’s my lady from the gardens. How are you, dear?”

“I was just telling the Captain,” she said nodding at me. “I am well. Thank you for seeing me home that night.”

Túron bowed his head, careful not to tip his tray. “It was my pleasure.” He took a glass from his tray and handed it to Lennil. “For the beautiful lady.”

“Thank you but–” she started to protest, but I stopped her, took the glass from Túron and held it for her. Túron made his exit. There were a lot of people waiting for their wine.

“Nonsense. You’ll stay at least for the first song, won’t you? As Captain, I can’t be seen alone.” My evening was turning out much differently than I had planned it. Actually, it was quite enjoyable. I liked Lennil. She was pleasant company. And Túron was too busy to flirt with.

The first song began, and I stood and offered her my arm. She accepted graciously, and I led her out to the dance floor. I took note of her fancy silk dress of pale green, her hair neatly braided at the sides, and tied back with a matching ribbon. She’d meant to be here tonight, but with who, I wondered, and I asked her.

“I wasn’t coming tonight at all, but I heard my sister talking to your brother, Orophin. She was asking him questions about you … about me. I knew she was up to something.”

“My brother told me that Calithil said you were smitten with me. He jostled me about it later. I didn’t think much of it before, but it makes more sense now. She was fishing for information. He must have told her I was coming tonight. That’s how she knew,” I said, figuring out the mystery.

“Smitten?” she said angrily and shook her head. “Will she ever know when to stop meddling?” Lennil looked up at me, mid-dance, and seemed embarrassed. “Not that I don’t like you, Rúmil. You are very handsome, well-mannered, good social standing, and a soldier. But smitten?”

“You make me sound very appealing,” I jested, and it lightened her mood.

“You are a rare catch, Captain, in case you did not know.”

“Well, I … guess … if you put it that way,” I stammered.

She must have known that she had the advantage in our conversation and continued. “Any elleth would be lucky to be seen with you here tonight.”

I took her wrist and raised her arm in the air. “We have a winner,” I said jokingly and she laughed.

“You know what I mean,” she complained. “But it’s not me, and I think you have similar feelings.”

“We have a mutual understanding already, Lennil. We made that clear at the festival. I do like you as a friend, but not in a romantic way.”

She seemed to relax at my admission. “I’m so glad you feel that way, and yes, I share your sentiment. My sister, however . . .”

“Is at this very moment fending off that eager ellon. Bit of her own medicine, wouldn’t you say?”

She laughed at that. “Yes.”

The song ended and I led her back to the table. Túron was busy two tables down, pouring wine, making jokes, and being a delight. He was very good at keeping the people entertained, and at keeping a drink in their hand. I loved watching him as his–

“Why did you come to the dance alone tonight, Rúmil? If you don’t mind my asking. Even I know it is not a smart thing for a catch such as yourself to be seen empty-handed,” Lennil asked. “I’m surprised half this room is not lined up to take a turn with you on the dance floor.”

“I thought I’d just take a chance.” What else could I say? Certainly not the truth. My vision drifted to Túron. He caught me watching him and smiled. No, the truth would not do. “Haldir and Orophin could not make it tonight, and I thought that at least one of us should come. There really wasn’t anyone to ask.”

“You could have asked me,” she said, and put up her hand. “As a friend, of course. But I would have been happy to come.”

“Well, you’re here anyways, now aren’t you? So, I guess it all worked out.”

I had taken my eye off of Túron, and hadn’t noticed him approach our table. “Message for you, Captain. If you’ll follow me.”

Lennil seemed confused, but I smiled reassuringly. “I’ll only be a moment. Private matter.”

“Oh yes, of course.”

I stood and followed Túron out of the hall. Very quickly, he turned and whispered. “Watch where I go. Come after, but not too fast. Wait a moment or two. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Túron walked back into the hall and made an immediate right. I saw a door open and close. I thought it was a store room or something. It was one of those doors that no one took notice of, out of the way and usually locked. I strolled around the vestibule, the gathering place outside of the hall, making it look like I just stepped out for a breath of fresh air, but all the while I was inching my way to the door where Túron disappeared. I stood there for a moment, watching and waiting, and when I saw my chance, I slipped through the door, unnoticed, and closed it behind me. The room was black as pitch. My own hand was invisible in front of my face.

“Túron, are you there?” I whispered into the dark, and heard a latch click into place behind me. “Túron?”

There was a spark and the sound of a flint stone being struck. Then a single candle glowed to life. Túron held it in his hand, and place it in a candlestick holder on a shelf. He strolled seductively towards me, eyes lowered to watch where he stepped, until he was standing before me. His eyes raised, gazing at me through long dark lashes, and his lips parted. “I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” he said as he captured my lips.

I kissed him back, and our movements became increasingly erratic. Hands roamed, breath became rapid, lips tasted skin, and tongues entwined. I pulled away and settled my eyes upon his. They were dark with desire, or maybe it just seemed that way in the barely lit closet. “We shouldn’t be doing this, you know,” I warned.

“Then why did you come to the dance … alone? I saw you when you walked in.”

“You were looking for me,” I accused.

Túron gave me his most charming smile. “I hoped that you would come. I’ve missed you.” His fingers ran along the buttons of my vest, and he slowly undid each one. “Making love to you once was not enough, Rúmil. I’ve been burning for your touch all this time.”

He said what I was wanting to hear, whether he meant it deliberately or not. At that moment, I didn’t care. “It’s been unbearable.”

He bit his bottom lip, and his eyes scanned me from head to toe. Then his hand cupped me, and traveled upwards. “By the gods, Rúmil, I need you badly, and I know you want me.”

I did. I wanted him more than I’d wanted anyone in a long time. But I never did anything like this before. I was always very careful and clever, never mixing pleasure in places that might get me in trouble. Still, there was something exotically thrilling about it. To know that there were people passing just on the other side of that door, while Túron and I remained hidden in the dark, lusting for each other. It was too much, and I couldn’t protest. I pushed him against the wall and devoured his mouth. My body writhed against his. He moaned softly as we rubbed against each other, even through our layers of clothing. His hands went to the ties of my trousers, and began untying them, loosening the laces, and freeing me from my confines. His hand felt warm as he caressed me.

I began pulling up the skirt of his servants robe. “Let’s see what you wear beneath here.” I found that he wore nothing and my blood heated to a new level. “Good. Very good.”

“Take me, Captain,” he begged, and turned towards the wall, offering himself.

I cupped his buttocks, kneading the taut flesh of his finely toned arse. He was right there before me, ready and willing. I pushed my trousers down around my knees and reached into a pocket inside my vest where I’d thought to put a small vial of oil. Pulling the cork out with my teeth and spitting it to the floor, I wasted no time preparing us both, and then plunged into him. Túron threw his head back, the length of his tied back hair cascading down the center of his back. My teeth sunk into his shoulder and I set a rhythm that would produce quick results. The room was dark and the air was close. It smelled of freshly laundered clothes, probably tablecloths, and the sage oil, mixed with our own musk and sweat. I could hear the musicians playing a lively tune, and briefly wondered if Lennil was looking for me, but I swept the thought away quickly.

It didn’t take us long to reach our climax. Túron took his first and mine soon followed, finding the sound of his moaning irresistible. We remained in this position while we caught our breath, and I held him in my arms, hugging him tight against my chest. We were a perfect match to each other. I could have stayed that way for days, enjoying the enveloping heat of his body.

“I have to go,” he whispered. “I’ve been gone too long.”

“I want you to spend the night with me,” I suggested after we separated and straightened our attire.

“Come to my talan. You know where it is,” he said in return and kissed me. “Don’t follow me straight out. Wait a moment. I’ll try to clear the area.”

I smiled and kissed his neck. “This is insane,” I said with a laugh.

“Makes it all that much more exciting, doesn’t it?”

“Incredibly so. Now go. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

Túron kissed me once more, my lips still swollen from the last time. He paused and looked deep into my eyes. “It’s not so bad, sneaking around, especially with you. You’re magnificent, Rúmil, and I . . .” He stopped himself and looked away as if embarrassed. “Alright, I’m going.” He blew out the candle on the shelf by the door and undid the latch. As he cracked the door open, light from the outside spilled in. I slunk away as though it might burn me. Túron walked out of the closet as though he’d meant to, not looking or behaving suspicious at all. He was very good at hiding it, just like me. Maybe that’s why I felt I could get away with it. 

I stood in the blackened room, my ear against the door, trying to listen to what was happening outside. It was one thing for a servant to exit a storage closet. It was another to see a Captain of the army doing so. But all was quiet outside. The music had changed to something slow, and I worried that Lennil might come looking for me. I’d left at the beginning of one song, and had been absent for the last three. Too long to retrieve a message, I had to come up with another excuse, but what? I’d worry about that on my way back through the hall.

Seeing my chance, I exited the storage closet, and stepped into an empty vestibule. Túron had done a fine job of clearing my way. Still, I’d just had unbelievable sex with an ellon who I was fairly sure I was falling in love with. It would be difficult to cover. I was sure there was still a ghostly scent of our recent activity clinging to me. Thinking fast, I plucked a strong smelling hyacinth from a vase and delicately rubbed it over my skin and clothes. I double checked to make sure my outfit was in order, as well as my hair, and made to enter the hall, carrying the flower with me. I’d set it on our table as an added masking of any evidence of my little escapade. But just as I was about to walk through the doorway, I was stopped by the sight of Fandir.

“Rúmil,” he acknowledged, not quite with surprise, but more with longing and relief of being able to speak.

“Fandir,” I answered, unable to hide my surprise. “It’s been a long while. You look well.”

“And you look–” He stopped and scanned me. “Exerted.” He came towards me as if to pass by, but stopped at my ear and whispered. “Better take care of yourself, Captain.” He touched my shoulder delicately, and went on his way. Seeing Fandir rattled me to say the least. We no longer traveled in the same circles, and therefore we didn’t see each other very often. When we did, it was with cordial greeting, inquiry about each other’s welfare, and ending with the generic ‘good to see you again’.

I watched him leave the hall, surprised to see him, and caught sight of Túron at the kitchen door, watching this brief exchange with my childhood friend, ex-lover, and first love. He seemed slightly perturbed, though he shouldn’t be. I gave a smile, and Túron returned one, but his did not show joy in his eyes. I guess I’d have some explaining to do later. I’d never spoken of Fandir before, and by the look on Túron’s face, it seemed it was time to talk about my past. I shook off my disturbance, and went back into the hall.

The evening finished with no more distractions. I walked Lennil home, giving Túron enough time to finish his duties and head home. He lived in an area close the edge of the city, a little ways from the hustle and bustle. It was quiet here. The homes were small, occupied by mostly servants. I had brought my civilian robe with me, knowing that I’d be coming to Túron’s home later. Now I pulled the hood over my head as disguise, just in case anyone was lurking about. I got the sneaking sensation that someone might be watching, and Fandir came to the forefront of my mind. I came to my destination, took a look around and knocked lightly. The door open slowly, and Túron stood just inside. His eyes narrowed, but he knew it was me. With a quick nod of his head, he gestured me inside. I barely got the door closed, and he was already undressing me. We wasted no time that evening, and spent the better part of it silent, but for our moans of satisfaction. We ravaged each other into the night until exhaustion took over and sleep called out to our fulfilled bodies. I gave in to it all, forgetting about the world outside, about the military, about Fandir and Raenor. Túron had me all to himself that night, no distractions, no worries, and my heart opened to him a little bit more.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning came faster than I would have liked. I should have been gone by now, but my body protested at the thought of leaving the comfort of Túron’s bed. I opened my eyes to find him watching me sleep as he laid next to me. He was smiling infectiously, and I stretched to kiss those irresistible lips. If I never moved from this spot, I would be the happiest ellon in Arda.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have the most peaceful look on your face when you are sleeping?” he asked. His finger traced a path over my chest, soothingly.

“I don’t think I’ve ever stayed long enough for anyone to notice,” I replied.

He cocked his head as his brows knitted together. “That’s rather a sad statement, don’t you think? Tell me, Rúmil, why do you do it? If you are destined to be with an ellon, why do you stay in the army?”

“Because it is my calling. I love being a soldier. It’s all I’ve ever known, and to be truthful, I’m damn good at it,” I said with pride.

“And the sacrifice? It’s worth it?”

“It’s not easy, but I manage. As you can see, I’m not celibate.”

That made him laugh. “Yes, I can definitely see that.” The smile faded to half. “But, to live that part of your life in secret–”

“I’ve done it for a very long time, though not always. I did have a life before the military. I know what it means to live carefree.” In my youth, before I committed to soldiering, I’d lived outside of the shadows and the dim lights. It was a wonderful thing … back then.

Túron was done with his questioning. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Where are you going?” I asked with desperation. I wasn’t ready to start my day just yet.

He put a knee on the bed, and leaned down to kiss me, but stopped short. “Stay where you are, love. I’m only going to put a kettle on for tea.” The bed shifted and creaked as he left me. Luckily, it was a small one room talan, and I watched Túron as he busied himself. By the gods he was gorgeous. His body was perfectly toned, especially in the chest. He had an archer’s physique. I easily eyed his toned arms, my second favorite part of the male form. The first was a different muscle all together.

His hair hung loose, ending midway down his back, long, straight and dark. He was Noldo, an elf of Rivendell. I wondered why someone from that land would subject themselves to settling as a servant. Imladris had the most complete library in Middle-earth. Anyone could spend days or months learning from seemingly endless amounts of books, and educate themselves to be able to do anything.

“So, what is your story?” I asked. I watched him set the kettle on the stove. We’d kept a fire going throughout the night, taking turns at putting wood inside the stove. It gave the room a comfortable amber glow to see each other by. Now, we would have hot water sooner than if he had to start a fire.

“It’s not a very exciting one, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He strolled back to the bed, shucked his robe and climbed in. His skin was cool compared to the warmth of my own, and I pulled him to me out of instinct, to warm him. “My mother was a seamstress, my father a scribe. My brothers craved adventure and joined the Border Guard.”

“And you? What did you do in Imladris?” I asked. He was avoiding my question it seemed.

“I did all sorts of different things trying to find my calling. I was skilled at a lot of them, but a master of none. When my parents sailed, my brothers thought they would decide my future for me, saying that my head was not in the right place. They started training me for the guard. I quickly discovered that archery was my strong suit, and I advanced at a phenomenal rate. It was the closest I’d ever come to singling out a talent, and perfecting it.”

That would explain his physique. One wouldn’t get a body like that from pouring wine. “You still practice, don’t you?”

“Occasionally,” he answered. I gave him a skeptical look and he laughed. “Alright, more than occasionally. Every day, or almost every day.”

“If you are so good at it, then why did you not pursue it in Imladris?” I asked curiously.

“I did try. I joined the guard just like my brothers wanted me to.” He sat up on one elbow, his fingers traveling down my chest, my stomach, and finally taking me in his firm hand. “Alas, I found other things that I liked to master besides the bow.”

I jerked to life in his hand, feeling the instant need for him to do more. As good as it felt, I knew he was trying to distract me, but I wanted to know more about his life in Rivendell. I took hold of his busy hand and brought it up to my lips. Not wanting to completely end what he’d started, I sucked his finger seductively before going forward with my inquiry. “So you left the guard in order to live the lifestyle? You’d mentioned before that Imladris had similar rules to those in Lothlórien.”

The kettle began to whistle, and Túron got out of bed again, this time abandoning his robe, much to my entertainment. He remained silent, not answering me or continuing with his story as he prepared our tea. I decided that I’d been in bed long enough, and I got up, following his lead and strolled naked across the cold floor. I stood next to him, watching him retrieve a small crock of honey. He spooned a desired amount into his cup, and then pushed the container to me. I added the honey, wishing we had something stronger than tea. It was always easier to talk as the warmth of a decent vintage purled though the body.

Túron turned, his backside towards the small table, and the teacup in one hand. He looked down into the cup, as though he wished he could dive in and disappear. I’d struck a nerve of some sort with my questioning. Something had happened in Imladris, and he was deciding whether or not to tell me. Then he looked at me through his long black lashes. His blue eyes had transformed to a stormy grey. He gazed at me, but I could tell that his mind was in a different place. He was reliving something from his past.

“Have you ever been in love, Rúmil?” he asked suddenly, taking me by surprise.

I took a sip of my tea and swallowed, “I have. It was a long time ago, though.”

“So have I … once.” He shifted, turning away from me. “It’s the reason I now reside in Lothlórien. You see, he was a Border Guard, a high ranking officer.”

That troubled me a bit. I wasn’t sure where he was going with this, and I didn’t like it. “Were you … exposed to the law?”

“We both were. We’d been caught while out of patrol. We thought no one was near us, and stopped to let the horses drink. The rest of the troops were further on; we’d gotten a later start than the rest. It … it started with a kiss, innocent enough, but led to the two of us naked beneath the trees.” Túron drank from his cup and set it on the table. With his back to me, he continued. “If he hadn’t been a captain, they probably wouldn’t have sent someone out looking for us. But when he didn’t show as predicted, a scout was sent. He found us … entangled in a lover’s embrace. My lover grabbed the man roughly, threatened him not to say a word … said he’d take care of it. I didn’t know what that meant. I guessed that he would pay for the man’s silence, and then lecture me on how we would have to be more careful.” Túron went silent.

I wasn’t sure what I should do, so I moved to him and put a hand on his back to comfort him. He stiffened with rejection to my touch. Perhaps now was not the time; he was deep into the story, reliving a memory that obviously brought him much pain. But I cared for Túron. I didn’t like to see him distraught. “And did the scout not keep his silence?”

“He never said a word. No one found out about us,” he said quietly.

I was confused. If the scout kept quiet about the affair, and surely Túron’s lover wouldn’t have confessed and put himself in jeopardy, then what happened? As I pondered, Túron looked over his shoulder, and I could see the trace of a tear making a slow trail down his high cheekbone. Even when he was sad, he was beautiful.

“I was so in love with him, and I thought he felt the same. I thought we could face anything together, and until then, we had. We’d fought together at the borders. We’d protected one another. I trusted him with my life. Why shouldn’t I have trusted him with my love? But as it turned out, he chose the Guard over me. Not only that, but he shunned me, treated me as if I’d been nothing but a good screw. And then he threatened me, told me to leave the army. He’d help me come up with a reasonable explanation that wouldn’t harm me too much, or dirty my family name. After all, I had two brothers in the Guard. ‘You want to protect them, don’t you?’ he’d threaten.” Túron paused to wipe his tear streaked face. “He would do anything to protect himself and his position in the Guard. I didn’t matter one bit to him. I had opened up my heart, loved him with my entire being, and he tossed me aside like a used rag.”

After a long bout of silence, I sighed deeply and shook my head. “I’m sorry, Túron. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. I can’t imagine someone doing anything so–”

“Can’t you, though?” he retorted harshly. “If your position as captain was threatened, and your brothers positions and good names, wouldn’t you protect yourself and your family? You can’t say that you wouldn’t, for you’ve never been put in that situation.” Túron flew to the bed and hastily put his robe on, as though being in his skin made his soul naked too. He tied the sash and crossed his arms over his chest, just standing there by the bed, looking down at the rumpled sheets. He slowly shook his head back and forth. “We shouldn’t have done what we did at the dance. It was wrong. We might have been caught,” he said desperately.

“But we weren’t,” I assured him. 

“No?” he said accusatorily. “What about that ellon I saw you speaking to? I saw the look in his eyes. I’ve seen that look before, just before my reputation was threatened. Whoever he is, he knows.”

“Yes, he does know … about me. He knows because . . .” I stopped to catch my breath. I hadn’t spoken to anyone about Fandir. “. . . because we were once lovers.”

“Another one of your liaisons?” Túron asked with a bitter edge to his voice and downcast eyes. He was jealous. I guess I should have been upset by that, but I was actually glad. It meant that he felt strongly of me.

“No, it was not like that.” I moved across the small room and stood before Túron. He still stood in a defensive position, but I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t afraid to talk about my past with him. “His name is Fandir. We basically grew up together. We … discovered our sexuality together. He was my first. You asked me if I’d ever been in love. Well, it was with Fandir, though we were very young at the time.”

Túron’s interest was evident; he lowered his arms, and looked at me with compassion. “What happened, then?”

“I joined the army and he didn’t.”

“That doesn’t seem reason enough, if you were as in love as you say you were.”

“Fandir was my best friend, my first lover, and the first person I’d ever been in love with. I thought long and hard about us. I knew that to choose the army meant the end of our relationship. I was … well, I considered not following my brothers into soldiering. I loved him that much.” My heart was aching as it once did. I felt like that same young ellon, foolish and unwise, ready to throw my future away to be with the one I loved. To look back now, I know I made the right decision, but that never meant it was an easy one. “My decision would have changed everything.”

“But yet, you still chose the military,” Túron said, sounding sad. Perhaps he thought I tossed Fandir to the side the same way he had been.

“Actually, it was Fandir who broke things off. He said it would be a shame for me to waste my natural talents as a warrior. He saw the potential in me, and he told me that I would regret it if I didn’t follow my brothers … and that eventually I might hate him or blame him for my remorse. At the time, I thought it was an impractical thing to say. I could never imagine hating Fandir. But looking back at where I’d been and where I am now, I finally saw how right he was. Not that a life with Fandir would have been miserable, but I would have missed out of a lot of amazing times as a soldier.”

“Do you and Fandir ever still … uh–”

“No, not since our younger days, before I officially joined the Northern Border Guard. We are still amiable to each other in passing, but it’s never gone further than that.”

Túron moved so that his body pressed against mine. I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled his hair. He felt so good in my grasp. As I said, we fit together perfectly. “Everyone gets hurt at one point or another,” I said. “But I won’t ever hurt you. If you’ll have me, Túron, if you are willing to give this a try–”

“But what about your career? Aren’t you afraid?” he asked.

“I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know how to separate the two lives from each other. But you have to understand that what we have must be kept secret. It is a lot to ask of someone who is free to live their life as they like. Unfortunately, I don’t have that freedom. But I can promise you this much. When we are together during those precious moments of security and sanctuary, you will have all of me.” I knew what I was doing, but I wasn’t sure Túron was willing to accept my offer. No one wanted to live their life in secrecy, especially someone who didn’t have to. The fact that Túron already had experience in a military situation, and he understood the rules, meant that he was more than likely to be able to handle it. Still, he had been cast from his lover, thrown from the army, and forced to leave his home in order to protect his brothers. Ai, I was fool to even ask this of him. Surely, he wouldn’t chance this again and–

“I want to be with you, Rúmil, and I swear that I’ll not interfere in any way. I think we … understand each other. Maybe I screwed up before by being a soldier and choosing to love a soldier. Well, I no longer have any connection to the army. I want this. I really and truly do.”

I was flabbergasted to say the least. No one had ever accepted my offer. No one had ever been willing to do what must be done in order to be with me. I was so overjoyed that I’d forgotten how to speak. I just smiled and looked into Túron’s beautiful blue eyes.

“Come here, love,” he said, drawing my head down to kiss me.

* * * * *

There’s something to say about being in love. For one, it puts you in a better mood. Things don’t seem to be as difficult as they had been before the feeling struck. This was a good thing for me, since the Choosing ceremony was closing in rapidly. I had become very busy, and I didn’t have much time for anything else. Still, I always managed to keep my nights open so that I could see Túron.

We attended different social events together, dined if we had the time, enjoyed the summer wine festival, and always ended in each other’s arms. It was the happiest I’d been in a very long time, and I could see that Túron felt the same. To keep suspicions at bay, we sometimes invited friends to these outings. Túron and I kept our outward desires tamed while in these situations, and those who knew us saw us as very good friends. But it was later, in the deepest hours of the night that we could finally be ourselves, and we cherished these private moments.

However, these frequent visits were coming to an end. Once the Choosing ceremony was over, my job as Captain would become very demanding. Túron and I were taking a casual stroll through the gardens one evening, when I explained this to him. I needed to make it clear that, though we might not see each other as often as we had before, I still needed him, and wanted to see him. We would just have to make the best of it, and devour the moments we had together in order to make it last until our next meeting.

“It will be most difficult not seeing you, Túron,” I admitted. We had just walked up to the gazebo and, finding it empty, slipped inside for some quiet conversation. “I’ve gotten so used to sleeping next to you, I don’t think I’ll get much rest any other way.”

“It has been simply wonderful, hasn’t it?” he said with a smile. We sat next to each other, our legs resting against one another. “Perhaps your ‘busier than usual’ schedule has come at just the right time.”

“What do you mean?”

“It is the end of my server assignment. I’ll be relocated to another area of the city to serve however it’s seen fit.”

That was surprising. “I didn’t know it was an assignment. So, do you know what you’ll be doing yet?”

“No, and I won’t know until the day before,” he said disappointedly.

“What do you wish for?” I asked.

“Well, everyone wishes for duty to the Lord and Lady, but I’d rather have something simpler.” He put his hand on my knee, and it traveled slowly up my leg and to the inside of my thigh. “I don’t want to be so busy that I’d never have time for you, love.”

I knew we were heading into a difficult challenge in our relationship. In the past, this was usually the beginning of the end. Of course, my previous lovers swore that it would work out for us, until days and sometimes weeks passed without seeing one another. Then they decided quickly that it was too much and we were doomed to fail as a couple. No one would compete with my military schedule. Túron was different. For one, he understood the life of a soldier; he’d been one himself for a short while. And for another … I had truly fallen in love with him.

I’d been wanting to tell him, but I never could seem to find just the right moment. Now, with everything becoming hectic, I was afraid to put that kind of pressure on him. Once I admitted my feelings to him, I would be opening my heart. I’d only done that for one other person, Fandir. I was torn apart when he abandoned me. It felt like my soul was being shredded. I couldn’t afford to go through that torture again, and my fondness towards Túron was much stronger. Rejection would surely mean surrendering my heart, my soul, my very being, and sacrificing all of it, hardening on the inside. Ai, what had I allowed myself to get into?

“Rúmil? Rúmil!” Túron was calling out to me. I hadn’t realized that I’d been away from the conversation. “Where were you just now?”

“I … I’m sorry. I was just thinking, and I … I–”

“What is it?” he said concerned, his arm coming around my waist. “Something has you bothered.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. “I just wish we had longer … before our duties keep us busy.”

“You make it sound as though we’ll never have a moment to spare for each other,” he said worriedly. “We will make time, won’t we?”

I smiled reassuringly and nodded, then I was struck with an idea. “There is a dance the evening of the Choosing ceremony. Will you be working?”

“No, I’ll be busy most of the day, though. It is my last assignment to meet with the new servants and give them orientation. They’ll be trained by others, besides myself, at the dance that night. Why?” he smiled slyly. “Are you asking me to be your date?”

“My secret date,” I whispered and leaned in to kiss him. “We will, of course, have to be discreet.”

“At the dance, at least.” He ran his tongue along the edge of my ear. “What happens later is out of my control.”

“Hmm, sounds promising.”

* * * * *

The day had finally arrived, the day of the Choosing. Today, there would be a large group of newly trained, nervous young elf men ready to take their places within Lórien’s army. Today they would begin their soldiering career. I remembered my own Choosing day quite vividly. My friends all told me I had nothing to worry over. My brother was a Captain, and I should have already known which regiment I would end up in. I definitely would not be picked last, and I wasn’t. I wasn’t first though, and I was glad of that. It proved that I was not the best soldier, not yet anyways, and as I made my way through the ranks, I felt a sense of accomplishment because of my hard work, not because of my family ties. That’s just another way that Haldir made sure Orophin and I were treated fairly, and the same as all the rest. Still, it was Haldir that picked us. I think the other Captains were afraid to pick us though. They didn’t want to separate the brothers Lórien.

And so, here I was today, preparing for my first Choosing ceremony again, only this time as Captain. I was in my office, staring into the full length looking glass, checking that my uniform was all in order. Leggings, undershirt, vest, tunic, belt, robes, it was all there. My leather boots were clean and scuff free. My hair was brushed and properly braided at the sides. The scabbard that hung at my hip was empty, but my sword was here. I’d polished it earlier, and it lay on my desk, awaiting a final inspection. If I had need to draw it in example, I wanted it to shine.

There was a knock at my door. I gave a final look at my reflection and was satisfied. “Come in,” I called.

Orophin entered, a genuine smile adorning his fair face. His hair and dress was immaculate. He was prepared for the day to get underway too. This wasn’t his first Choosing. He’d been a Captain for a few years now, but I knew he wanted mine to be just as memorable as his was.

“Well, look at you. Captain Rúmil of the Northern Border Guard. You clean up nicely, brother,” he jested.

“I have to admit, I do love the feel of the full ceremonial uniform,” I said, adjusting the collar of my undershirt.

“All the elf women will swoon at first sight,” he commented, dusting off a few lint particles from my back. It wasn’t the women I wanted to impress tonight at the dance.

“Let’s just get through the ceremony first.”

“Of course, and you will do fine, Rúmil. Now remember, do not just watch technique. Many will have good form. What you want to look for is drive and determination. When they are not showing themselves for the Captains, they should be watching those better than them, learning, absorbing every little detail. Those are the men you want. They will work hard to improve, and with a leader such as you, they will excel quickly,” Orophin advised.

It was a generous compliment, and I grasped both his shoulders, looking him deep in his blue eyes. “Thank you, brother, for your undying support.”

He smiled in a rare moment of unguarded brotherly love, and we locked in a back pounding hug. “You’ll do just fine. Besides, the hard part comes after the ceremony, when you must start their training for your regiment. That’s when you depend more on your officers. They should be of a major help in seeing the recruits trained properly. Have you figured out who they will be?”

“I’ve already spoken to a few, and they are ready and anxious to get started. It’s just up to me now to pick the right trainees,” I said nervously. “I know I won’t have first or even second or third choice.”

“Relax,” he laughed. “They are Lothlórien soldiers. None of them are so bad that they’ll be hopeless. They are all strong. They are all bent on being the best. Yours just might need extra time on the training grounds, is all.”

“Thanks,” I said without enthusiasm.

“Well, you didn’t think I was going to leave any advanced ones for you, did you?”

I ruffled the hair atop his silver head, and he dodged too late. We laughed, always challenging each other in some way, and Orophin went to my looking glass to make sure I hadn’t destroyed his braids. “Well, come on. Let’s get this day started.” 

* * * * *

The training grounds were a decent sized glade amongst the trees, deep within the heart of Caras Galadhon. It was separated into different sections, depending on the sport. There were practice dummies for swordplay, targets for bow and arrow, and a universal area where elves could challenge each other. This last area mentioned was the site of the Choosing, since it was the largest of the sections. To the side, built between two very wide, very ancient trees, was a platform ringed with a railing. A row of chairs were assembled close to the front of the platform, a place for the observers to sit while we watched the trainees perform. It was high enough that we could see the entire area. We would be able to watch each new recruit as they showed us their best moves.

Orophin and I arrived to find the other two Captains had already taken their seats. Haldir was there also. He stood to the side, and watched as my brother and I took our chairs. Then, he walked to the center of the row, looked at each Captain with a satisfied smile and bowed. “Good luck, Captains. Let us begin.”

Along the edge of the training field stood all the current soldiers, come to watch the Choosing ceremony. Some had siblings that they hoped would get picked to join their regiment. Others cheered on friends, and a few were fathers come out to watch their sons. It was all very exciting, and I was anxious to start.

Haldir finally made the announcement to the crowd, whose voices rose with approval and encouragement. I looked down and to the right to find, in three rows, the newest recruits entering the field. They poured into the glade like worker ants following directions. Soon the grounds were full of elves, all dressed in their training uniforms, simple leggings and tunic. Archers carried their bows in their hands, their quivers strapped to their backs, full of arrows. Swordsmen wore their blades at their sides, a hand on the hilt, ready for action.

Looking out over a crowd of eager faces, I recognized some of them, but more I did not. It was my first time to see them all, and I wondered which ones Tarlis had told me about. I glanced sideways to Orophin, who was narrow eyed as he looked out over the sea of elves. He already knew which ones he was choosing. He’d been at a number of training sessions. The other two Captains seemed confident too. Perhaps it was just me who was nervous. I’d been to every Choosing ceremony, but not in this position, not from this high up platform. I hoped I would choose wisely. 

I was anxious to begin the ceremony, even though I did not have first choice. That honor went to two other Captains, who had been here much longer, and then to Orophin. This was only the beginning of my first year. I would have to earn my seniority over time. I was confident that I would choose good men, and that the men I chose would become some of the strongest soldiers of the Northern Guard, regardless of how green they seemed right now.

The first part of the ceremony was for the trainees to pick a partner and begin swordplay. This would give the Captains a chance to see their skills before making our final decisions. Haldir stood at the front of the platform, and called for the men to take up arms. There was the simultaneous sound of metal sliding and clinking as the elves took their swords in their hands and turned to the nearest elf as their partner. They assumed the position, swords held before them, and waited for Haldir’s word. He gave a quick whistle and the fighting began. It was almost overwhelming to try and see each and every trainee, to try to remember those who fought well, or those who needed improvement. Some stood out more than others. These I knew would be among some of the first picked. I realized that I was fine with that outcome. The elves I chose would be better for molding into the kind of warrior I thought they should be. Some of these men below were headstrong and would follow their own rules. That was fine, as long as they knew that the Captain had the last and final word. I, on the other hand, would choose by their actions while observing, not just while fighting. Orophin’s advice made a lot of sense to me. They ones who paid attention to the other elves while they waited, were absorbing as much information as they could. They were the ones ready to learn and eager to please.

As the trainees fought and won their mock battles, the loser would then fall to the side and await the next round. That left only the victors on the training grounds, and they would partner up for one final show of strength and technique. There would be no winner for this round. It was only meant to be a way to showcase their talents one more time. These few left standing were the ones that would get snatched up first by the other Captains. I watched the sidelines with more curiosity. My men would come from somewhere in this group. So, who was watching, and who was not? Ah, I could see a good many observing the remaining swordsmen. Some cheered on the elves still competing. That was good, I thought. And then there were a few who looked defeated and disappointed. My heart went out to them. Today was not an easy day by any means. A decent pep talk and lots of practice, and they would be on their way into the ranks.

Not all of the elves who had fallen to the sidelines looked distraught. And, quite frankly, some of them had fought damn well. They had barely been bested, though bested they were. Now, they were evaluating, seeing where they went wrong, and discovering how to correct the errors of their actions. These were determined soldiers. No one is perfect. We all learn from our mistakes, and when beaten, we get right back up and into the fight.

Soon the fighting was over. The last partnered elves bowed to each other and joined the rest of the trainees at the sidelines. Everyone waited for their orders, while the Captains discussed our findings amongst each other. That’s when I discovered the bargaining. The two older Captains were discussing the elves who had just finished fighting. I hadn’t a chance of recruiting these few, and I wasn’t sure I would chose them, even if I had been in the running. They were very well trained men, but I didn’t think they were right for the group of elves that I wanted to command. Since it did not concern me, I observed the officers as they discussed who they were thinking of recruiting, and already trading their choices for the ones they really wanted.

I leaned a bit towards Orophin and whispered from the corner of my mouth. “Should we be doing the same thing?”

“Why, did you see someone you like, and who you feel confident that I will choose?” he asked.

“Actually, I’m content with who I will choose, if you do not call upon them first. Maybe then I will agree to bargain with you.”

“That is very smart of you. Some of the men you just watched will also try their luck with a bow. Better to see all their talents before making your mind up,” Orophin advised. “The other two need good swordsmen. They won’t care if any of them are handy with a bow.”

“Ah,” I said, seeing how it all worked.

Orophin turned to me. “You do know that you may barter for these same recruits, don’t you? After all, you are a Captain.”

“What chance do I have of that?” I asked, seeing this as impossible.

“Well, usually this part of the Choosing is saved until after all the recruits have been assigned to a regiment, but Daer and Erthor have been long time friends. They know each other fairly well, well enough to discuss trades before the end of the ceremony.”

I raised a brow in challenge. “You are my brother. I feel that I know you fairly well. Will you not barter with me?”

Orophin just smiled, and seemed to hold back a laugh. “You are also a first time Captain. Relax, Rúmil. You’ll have your chance at trading some of your choices. Wait until they have all been picked. You don’t want to bargain unwisely.”

As we talked, the archers entered the glade below. Wood targets and sawdust dummies were positioned at one end; a few of the targets were hanging from the trees, tied to pulley systems so that they would move while the elves tried to hit them center. This was what I was looking forward to, especially since most of my regiment consisted of archers. We were usually the first ones into battle, firing our arrows and taking out the front line of the enemy troops. Daer and Erthor’s regiments were mostly swordsmen, with a sprinkling of archers. Orophin’s men were a decent mixture of both. I could see my advantage now. I depended on strong archers. This time, Orophin and I would have first choice.

“I see you’ve figured it out,” Orophin said into my ear. He must have seen the realization in my face. “You didn’t think the others would have all the fun, did you?”

When they were ready, the elves below were sent onto the field in groups of six, two on dummies, two on fixed targets, and two on moving targets. On Haldir’s signal, they started firing arrows. My keen eyes watched each man, how they moved, how they concentrated, and how quickly they fired their weapons. I was very impressed with the first group. Most had the natural instincts of fine archers.

I glanced sideways at Orophin. Though he was well trained at both sword and bow, he had always seemed to favor the blade. I, on the other hand, took up quickly at a young age with the bow, and I’d perfected my technique over the years. I knew what to look for when choosing archers. I’m sure Orophin did too, but I think I had a little more advantage in this skill. He was eyeing a few men that I had already mentally picked. I kept that bit of information tucked away. The bartering stage of the ceremony began to look a lot more fun than I first thought. 

And so the contest went on. Archers of different talents and levels of expertise came out, presented themselves, and took their places at the sidelines. I noticed that one of the elves I watched had been one of the last swordsmen to leave the field earlier. Watching him, I realized he had been one of the recruits that Tarlis had told me about. He was equally good at both weapons, and definitely an excellent archer. I noticed he picked moving target first, rotated to dummies and ended with stationary targets. He hit his mark every time, bull’s eyes. And with the dummy, he shot it in its heart and squarely between the eyes, one arrow after the other, not breaking stride. I was extremely impressed. Actually, I hadn’t seen such accurate aim since hearing of Thranduil’s son, Legolas, one of the best … if not the best … bowman of the elvish realms. This young ellon before me was a close second to the Prince of Mirkwood, and I knew I wanted him in my regiment. It seemed that neither Orophin nor I would have a chance at him. He was one of the swordsmen that Daer and Erthor were arguing over. They had already claimed him based on his skills with a blade. I wanted him because of his bowmanship, and the fact that he was good with a blade. Though my men were mainly archers, I wanted them to become better swordsmen. I wanted to see them called to battle first, as they usually were, but then be able to easily switch into battle at close range and join Orophin’s men in the field. The more men on the ground, the better chance of taking down the enemy. It was time to get this battalion more involved in combat and out of the trees, and I was fairly sure that’s what they wanted too. Watching this ellon got me excited about these prospects. He could help train the others who were lacking in their sword skills. He seemed to carry himself well, too. I’d seen the teamwork he exhibited throughout the day. This elf was exactly what I needed to bring my troops into the light.

“That elf,” I said to Orophin, pointing him out. “Who is he?”

“That would be Romon. Son of a minstrel, he had an ear for music, but also the passion of a warrior.” He glanced at me as I watched Romon slaughter another sawdust dummy. “You wouldn’t be wanting him though.”

“And why not? He is one of the new recruits and available,” I argued.

“New, yes. Available, think again. Daer and Erthor have both had an eye on the lad since he was an elfling. Talent like that is rare and sought after. You don’t stand a chance.”

“His talents will be wasted in either of their battalions. They only want him for his swordsmanship. I want him for both blade and bow,” I said with determination. “Now, I may not have gotten first choice, but I damn well get the best archer, and that is Romon.”

“Then you better have someone in mind to trade, and he better be close in talent to Romon,” Orophin advised.

“Hmm,” I murmured as I thought about my choices. I had a few very good men, but Orophin had already claimed the one elf that I thought could be compared to Romon. I had my work cut out for me.

With the showcasing over, the Captains started their choosing. Daer and Erthor dominated over the swordsmen. They claimed the elves they wanted, leaving Orophin and me with second and third picks to barter for. After a long while, everything was all worked out. The recruits were called out one by one and told to stand in one of four areas of the training grounds. The four groups were told which regiments they would join, and cheers filled the air. Only archers were left on the sidelines.

Now it was time for the archer choosing. Orophin and I put up our choices, as well as Daer and Erthor. After a little negotiating, we had our men picked out … all but for Romon. I was waiting to make my move.

I’d managed to get the second strongest talent away from Orophin, trading him three archers that I had already picked. He seemed satisfied with the exchange, but he also knew my ulterior motive in this plan. My brother was skeptical, but I was confident that I would get Romon. And just when we were about to settle up so that the announcements could be made, I pulled Daer aside. He was the one who ended up with Romon.

We stood away from the other Captains, and discussed things privately. I offered my best, second best to Romon, plus two other archers who were quite good with a sword too. It was not their strongest point, but they still had more talent than some. Daer gave me a look that said I hadn’t a clue what I was doing, but I answered him by giving him my, ‘I know damn well what goes on around here,’ look.

“You are awfully determined to get Romon,” Daer said. “So was Erthor, but you see who got the final say?”

“Erthor does not need a highly skilled archer, and I do,” I answered, giving not even the hint of a smile. 

Daer’s brow rose in challenge. “And I need a skilled swordsman.”

“You have an entire battalion of them,” I said, pointing to his troops standing below. “I will not argue that Romon will make a nice addition to that, but an addition only.” I caught Daer with my intense stare, letting my blue eyes drill my point home. I spoke slowly and with determination. “I need someone extraordinarily multitalented like Romon who will help me to teach the rest of my troops.”

Daer looked as though he was actually considering what I said, and I felt a rush of adrenaline course through me. Who knew bartering could be so exciting.

“I don’t know,” Daer finally responded. Damn, I was losing him.

“Romon is but one elf. I am offering you three,” I reminded him. “Three very good men.”

“Yes, well, it would take at least that much to replace Romon,” Daer countered. He went to the railing and looked down at the elves awaiting their assignments. “Which three were they again?”

I felt the power shift and the deal turning in my favor as I nodded and described the elves in question without pointing. The archers were still waiting below. I didn’t want anyone to know who we were discussing. As Daer looked over the three men, I looked towards Daer’s battalion, eyeing Romon. He was watching the platform where I stood. I was sure he knew this discussion was about him. Someone with his talent would be highly sought after.

“What say you, Daer? Shall we finalize this? Three of my best picks for one of yours,” I encouraged.

Daer rubbed his chin, and the line between his brows deepened as they furrowed. I could tell he really wanted to keep Romon, but the offer of three of mine was a hefty trade, and almost too much to pass up. I knew I had him. I could see it in his face, but he was being hard headed. He’d worked diligently to get Romon from Erthor and won. Giving him up must have felt like defeat.

“All right, then. We have an accord,” he finally agreed.

I did it! Somehow, I did it! I bartered and won. I felt like a king, like a lord of my own lands. “Very good,” I smiled and clasped Daer’s shoulder. “They are all yours.”

Haldir stepped towards us. “Are we all through here?”

“Yes,” I said, beaming towards my older brother. “We’ve come to a conclusion, and we are ready to announce the final choosing.”

“And are we all in agreement?” Haldir asked of all the Captains. Everyone confirmed with ‘yes’.

“Very well. Erthor, you may call your recruits first.”

One by one, the Captains called out the names of the archers, and they joined their respected regiments. I was the last one to go, and told the remaining elves to move to their new troop. It seemed like the ceremony was over, and then Haldir made one final announcement.

“There has been a change for one recruit,” Haldir called from the platform, and everyone quieted down. “Romon, will you step forward please.”

Right away, the elves surrounding him looked at Romon with confusion. One elf in particular seemed distraught over this new information. He shook his head and grasped Romon’s arm, but Romon laid a hand upon the other’s and calmed him quickly. I wondered if this was a brother or a cousin perhaps. Whoever he was, it was obvious that he didn’t want Romon to go. But the tall, well-built elf stepped forward and stood at attention, alone in the center of the field.

“Romon, you will now join Captain Rúmil’s regiment,” Haldir announced.

Romon bowed and moved over to where my men stood. My troops congratulated him and swallowed him into their cluster. Then, I noticed the very subtle glance he gave towards his original regiment, his eyes catching those of the elf who did not want him traded. No one else would have understood that brief exchange, but to me it was as loud as and Oliphant’s trumpeting. They weren’t family. They were lovers.

I felt a jolt run up my spine. If it was that easy for me to see in others, then what about myself? Were there other elves like me in the army, and if so, did they ever see me in a brief vulnerable state? I’d always thought I hid it well. Even my own brothers didn’t know, but why should they? Their minds did not work quite the same as mine when it came to this unique brethren.

My thoughts were interrupted by Haldir’s final announcement, congratulating the new recruits on a job well done, and reminding them about the dance in their honor that evening. Orophin grabbed me and shook me excitedly.

“My little brother,” he spoke with pride. “New Captain, first Choosing, bartering and getting his way . . .” He paused and shook his head with disbelief. “You are a natural. I’m so proud of you.”

Haldir joined us and patted me roughly on the back. “Excellent, brother. Truly amazing.”

Orophin was smiling ear to ear. “You better watch out, Haldir. He’ll be after your position as March Warden if you’re not careful.”

“A most respected position,” I said. “But one that I do not wish for.”

“Not yet anyways,” Orophin added before going off to congratulate Daer and Erthor.

“I knew you wanted Romon,” Haldir said when it was just the two of us. “I could see it in your eyes. I watched you speaking with Daer. You were firm and you didn’t back down … just like Father taught us.”

The mention of my father threatened to bring a tear to my eye, but I kept myself under control. “I remember everything he ever told me. It was his fëa I was channeling when I was making that trade with Daer. I’d never felt so confident.”

“And it worked. If Father was here, he would be so proud of the ellon you’ve become. Well done, Rúmil. You will make a great leader,” Haldir said with all sincerity.

What started out as one of the most stressful days of my life, ended with my confidence elevated. I could not wait to start commanding my men, to further their training, and to shape my archers into the kind of army I knew they could be. It all started tomorrow, but first there was a dance to attend, and a very handsome dark haired ellon who I wished to share my joy with.


	5. Chapter 5

Again, my brothers and I found ourselves in the hall attending another dance. This one was held in a different hall. It was slightly smaller than the main hall where most events took place. It was a little more intimate, as there were not as many in attendance. This celebration was about the new recruits more than anything. Tonight, the celebrants were beginning their soldiering career.

I paused before entering through the threshold of the room, its white curved frame carved from beech in the shape of two women elves, their hands joining at the peak of the entrance. Inside, the ceiling was actually boughs of the trees growing on either side of the hall. The branches stretched from one side to the other, their ends drooping down like garland. They were some ancient species of willow trees, but they grew much taller than the ones that thrived next to lakes and ponds. The trunks of the trees grew close together, making the walls for the hall. Above me, fastened to the low hanging branches, were perfectly round globes of light, each globe housing a single candle. It gave the room a very soft romantic glow, like the light of a yellow moon when it was full. This was by far my most favorite hall in all of Caras Galadhon.

The air smelled fresh and green, the scent of leaves in a dense forest. I closed my eyes for a moment, and absorbed the atmosphere around me. These willows were almost as old as Middle-earth itself. They were very wise, but too important to speak to any elf, even me. Still, I longed to know what stories they could tell of the days before my home had a name. Perhaps one day they would honor me with a single tale.

“Listening to the trees again?” Orophin said in my ear, interrupting my thoughts.

“I wish you could hear them,” I said sadly. “It’s altogether a different melody from anything you’ve ever heard. I wonder why it is that I can hear them and you cannot.”

“I don’t need to hear what trees have to say,” he said blandly. I looked at my brother to see what was distracting him, and found him watching a group of ellith who were eyeing him. He smiled at them, and winked an eye in their direction, causing the ladies to blush and giggle amongst themselves. Orophin was in his element just now. “I do, however, wish I could hear what goes on in the minds of elf women.” He broke his gaze away from the group and patted my back. “Come, Rúmil. I’m sure one of them will strike your fancy.”

“Actually, I think not,” I dared to say. “Tonight I would rather be on my own.”

“Suit yourself then. More for me,” he said impishly. With that, he was already making his way to the women, leaving me alone under the willow branches. I wasn’t alone for long.

“Captain Rúmil, my, don’t you look dashing tonight.”

I smiled before I turned to him, my heart leaping from my chest. “Túron, I’m so glad to see you.” More than anything, I wanted to take him into my arms, and kiss him passionately. We settled for a courteous bow instead. “Shall we go in?”

“Together?” he asked surprised.

I pulled him to the side and gave him a fiendish look. “Wait a moment.” Just entering into the hall was a group of elves, men and women. I waited until they passed us, then I gave Túron a wink, and we blended in with the others. “See,” I said once we were inside. “There’s always a way of doing things so as not to draw attention.”

“Clever,” he smiled, and we broke away from the group only to find Orophin approaching.

“There you are,” said my brother, eyeing both me and Túron. Orophin hadn’t officially met Túron before, and I liked it that way. Seems there was no getting around that now.

“I’d like you to meet a very good friend of mine.” I gestured to Túron, my palms turned up. “Túron, this is my middle brother, Orophin.”

Túron bowed with his hand on his heart, eyes closed and a simple friendly smile on his face. “Ah, Captain Orophin, it is an honor to finally meet you.”

Orophin’s brows creased as he looked over Túron. “Are you certain we have not met before? You seem familiar to me.”

“Túron is a servant for the events held in the great hall,” I interrupted.

“Oh, I see.”

“Yes, I’m sure I have waited on your table in the past,” Túron added.

“That must be it. So, what brings you out tonight, Túron?” Haldir asked.

Me, I thought to myself. “I invited him. He has worked several celebrations of this kind. I thought he might like to see it from our perspective.” I regretted my words as soon as they left my lips.

Orophin gave me a wary look, or maybe it was confusion. I was terrible at this, which is why my brothers have never accidentally met any of my past lovers. “Have you known each other long?” my brother asked.

“We met at the spring renewal festival,” Túron answered. “Rúmil stepped outside for a bit of fresh air, and I was on my break. We struck up a conversation, and found we had much in common. We’ve been friends ever since.”

Orophin turned to me. “I believe I remember you mentioning that before.” His attention went back to Túron. “Well, it was nice to meet you. Unfortunately, I must be on my way. I’ve a bit of business to discuss before the evening commences. I do hope you have brought someone with you tonight, Túron. The ellith at these events can sometimes be insistent when they know you are alone. Fortunately, I’ve found my accompaniment.” He glanced towards the group of ellith I’d seen him join earlier. “There are still a couple looking for dates, if you’re in need.”

“Oh, why no, I’ve brought someone very special with me,” Túron answered. I felt my nerves turn to mush, and did not dare look at him. “Around here somewhere,” he added. “You know what it’s like, I’m sure.”

“Of course, off with her friends, I suppose, gushing over the scenery or something of the like,” Orophin laughed then turned to me once more. “My brother would rather take his chances. He’s chosen not to seek out company this evening, but don’t let the word get out.”

Túron was quite charming as he laughed on my behalf, and teased me about coming out alone tonight. Orophin finally went on his way. I took a quick look around for Haldir. Last thing I needed was another embarrassing moment, but he was on the other side of the room, seemingly impressing two beautiful ellith with tales from the borders. I could tell what he was talking about by his hand gestures. It was the story about the orcs we fought who brought cave trolls with them, hoping to demolish the elves. Long story short … it ended poorly for the orcs and the trolls.

“Your brother is charming,” Túron said, bringing be out of my thoughts. “And he has more of a sense of humor than I would have thought.”

“Yes, he’s an absolute riot,” I said indifferently. “Come, let’s take our seats.” I chose a table off to the side hoping for a bit more privacy there. We sat on opposite sides of the table, but I wished we didn’t have to. My gaze found Túron more than a few times, watching the couples dancing. I knew what he was thinking because I was imagining the same thing. “Are you a good dancer?” I asked.

“I’ve been told that I am. And you?”

“I had instructors growing up. It’s all part of preparations for a military career. There’s always a social that one must attend.”

Túron gave me a narrowed eyed glance across the table. “Have you ever danced with an ellon?”

I’d never thought of that before, but . . . “No, the opportunity has never presented itself. Perhaps sometime soon, we can–””

“Captain Rúmil?” a female voice interrupted.

I looked up to find a pretty little blond elleth giving a curtsy to me, another girl with dark auburn hair standing just behind her, copying her friend’s moves. “Good evening, ladies.”

She smiled shyly when I spoke and bowed her head, her eyes looking at the floor. “I’ve been informed that they are about to have a Round, and … well … if you have no partner, and you would like to dance . . .” Her words trailed off.

“I’d be delighted to partner with your friend,” the auburn haired friend spoke up.

Both girls were obviously smitten with Túron and myself. It was a perfect opportunity to dance with him, without actually dancing with him. “I’m game, only if my friend here is.”

“I’d be delighted,” Túron answered. We got up from our table and led the girls to the dance floor where couples were already lining up, men on one side and women on the other.

I stood next to Túron and smiled at him. “Have you danced a Round before?”

“Of course I have, though I’ve seen them more than I’ve participated in them,” he said, offended.

A lively tune started up, and the women curtsied while the men bowed. Then we crossed into the middle and took our partner’s hand. Staying at a respectable distance, the couples bounced from foot to foot while moving in a circle. Then they switched hands and spun in the opposite direction. The elves standing off to the side of the dance floor started clapping along to the music. I kept an eye on Túron whenever we passed each other while spinning in the Round. He was enjoying himself, as was I. The girls were very good dancers, delightful partners for this kind of dance. Túron’s girl was giving him a sultry stare, but he did not look one bit uncomfortable. Like me, he was good at participating in the rituals of dancing couples. The good thing about a Round was that it was a lot of quick movements that left little time for communication. The other good thing was that at one point, the women went back in line, leaving the men to dance, hands on our hips and one arm locked at the elbows with the ellon closest to us. The women watched the men dance for their honor, clapping along with the musicians. The men looked like they might battle, but with dance instead of weapons.

I looked Túron squarely in the eye as we turned around and around, our arms interlocked, and our weight shifting from one foot to the other as we hopped. I gave him my most deathly stare, and he did the same thing, but we were actually trying not to laugh at each other. We released each other and danced in a way that resembled sparring. Whoever told him he was a good dancer was right. We stayed in step during this part of the Round. Eventually we came back together, face to face.

“Do you surrender?” I said, trying with all my might not to crack into a smile.

“Never,” he said seriously, his face set in a scowl.

We changed the direction of our dancing, our opposite arms intertwined, as we spun around each other. Our eyes were set upon one another, and I felt my heart give a bit more. Túron was absolutely gorgeous, with his long sable hair, so dark it was almost black. I wanted to feel it in my hands, to pull him in for a kiss, and taste those full lips again. His blue eyes slanted like a feline cornering its prey, two topaz gems targeting me. I was enjoying myself immensely, as I concentrated on Túron.

“You like to lead, Captain,” he stated.

“Most of the time, yes, depending on the dance of course,” I flirted.

“I admire your determination,” he said, trying to make me switch direction. I was having none of it. Then his mouth curved into a smile as he surrendered. “You win this time.”

“Perhaps next time I will not be so lucky,” I said.

“Oh, I think we shall both be lucky at the finish,” he commented with an amorous look in those beautiful sultry eyes. I had no time to respond, as the women rejoined the dance. It was just as well. Túron left me without words. My visions, however, were quite vivid, and I found myself wishing to leave the dance.

Before I could regain myself, the blond elleth was back, and I had to release Túron. I feared that my line of sight had fastened to him for too long, but no one seemed to notice. We finished out the Round with the women, and when the music finally ended, we bowed to them, taking an elegant leg while the women curtsied low. Túron’s lady went so low as to allow him to see straight down the neckline of her dress. He played right into it, allowing himself a good look before she stood straight again. The auburn haired elleth flashed him an arousing smile and a wink. He pretended to be shocked, and she laughed, proud of herself for the reaction she caused. Túron had no trouble acting like an ellon seduced by a beautiful woman.

“Thank you for the dance, my lady,” I said, as Túron and I helped the women from the dance floor. We started to escort them back to their seats, which was luckily far from our table.

“We can dance to the next song, if you like,” the blond said eagerly, hoping to elongate our time together.

I gave my best smile to let her down easily. “My dear, I’m afraid you exhausted me with that one dance, but it was most agreeable.”

“Thank you Captain,” she said.

“Yes, thank you,” the other elleth said to Túron, who was gazing upon her as though he still reacted to her flirting.

“Evening, my lady,” he said and bowed. When he stood upright again, she kissed Túron on the cheek, then took her friend by the arm and led them away. Túron and I watched the women head back to their table before turning to take back our own.

We sat down, finding two full glasses of wine waiting for us. I raised my glass to him and he did the same. “Thank you for the dance,” I smiled.

“The pleasure was all mine, Captain,” he smiled. We watched each other over our glasses as we drank. There was no mistaking that look. He wanted me, and I him, but it was too soon to leave. We would have to be patient and finish out the night, or at least until everyone was well enough into their cups before making our excuses for retiring.

We sat and talked about this and that, keeping the conversation as plain as possible, but there was no help for the occasional innuendos that further heated the moment. If we kept this up, I just might have to drag him off to another closet.

“Have you received word about your new assignment?” I asked, trying to bring the subject around to something a little more innocuous.

“Tomorrow, bright and early. I do hope it will be something with similar hours as I have now, and something that is not on the other side of the city.” He seemed slightly worried.

“Do you have reason to believe the latter?” I said, trying to detect his concern.

“I don’t know. I’ve heard talk, but that’s all it might be.” Túron sipped his wine, and when the glass left his lips, he was smiling. He was good at changing his mood. “And what is in store for you tomorrow?”

“First day with the new and complete regiment. There will be orientation for the new recruits, the process of assigning them to the barracks, fittings for uniforms, and weapons inspections. Other than that, it should be an easy day,” I said facetiously.

“You don’t fool me, Rúmil. I can see that you look forward to keeping busy.”

I laughed. “I do have a difficult time keeping still. It’s a very exciting time, getting to know the new soldiers, shaping and molding them into Lothlórien’s best warriors. I’ve always been the one being shaped, and now I get to watch from the other perspective. Being a Captain has its perks.”

He looked into his glass, a distant memory reappearing in his eyes. “I remember what it was like to be a new member of the Guard in Imladris. I felt so … accomplished. My brothers were very proud of me. It felt good. It felt right.”

He was silent and after a while, I spoke quietly. “Do you miss it?”

Túron closed his eyes and nodded. “I miss the order, the organization, knowing where I needed to be, and what needed to be done.”

I could relate to that. There was something about being a soldier that one never forgot. It was being told what to do, where to go, and when to be there. And then giving it your all, never quitting, never giving in. I could sympathize with Túron. He was forced to leave, and that was much different than leaving on your own.

“I guess I still have a little of that, being a servant and all, but the reward is much different. No one tells you when you are doing a good job. They just come up with more things for you to do, and take you for granted,” he admitted.

“If you don’t enjoy it, then why do you still do it?” I asked curiously.

He looked up from his glass, his eyes settling on me, the pain from his past still evident within them. “Because there is nothing else for someone like me to do.”

“That’s nonsense. There are plenty of other things you could do,” I challenged.

“What, become a scribe like my father?” he said cynically. “Sit at a desk all day, transcribing, or writing orders for messengers, trying to learn a language that I might or might not need one day? No thank you. I’ll take my chances as a servant. At least I meet new people all the time. I get to work in different parts of the city, help those in need of it. I may not be a soldier anymore, but I am still making lives easier by being there. I like what I do.”

“That’s good then. That’s what’s important, isn’t it?”

Túron finished the rest of his wine, and turned to the side, his fingertips tapping on the table. I had struck a raw nerve it seemed. “Hey,” I called to him. “I think what you do is a noble art.”

“As noble as being a soldier?”

“In the end, aren’t we all just trying to accomplish the same thing, to help people?” I asked.

“The difference is that you are recognized for your service. I am just expected to do my duties and do them again, day after day, without thought of my existence.”

We had been talking for a while, and I noticed that a good many partiers had left. “Want to get out of here?” I asked, hoping to save what was left of the evening.

Túron’s face softened, forgetting about his troubles. “I’d like that very much.”

* * * * *

We arrived at Túron’s home after slowly strolling through the city, trying to look like friends in conversation and good company, stopping every now and again to speak with someone he or I knew, introducing each other to acquaintances, that kind of thing. Now, we cautiously checked the surrounding area, and finding it abandoned, slipped through his door and locked it behind us. I rather liked his small cozy home. It was not much, but it was perfect for just the two of us. I felt so safe and secure inside, as though the world could never find us. I turned to Túron, took him by the waist with one arm, and took his hand in mine.

“What are you doing?” he said.

“You owe me a dance,” I said matter-of-factly. I began humming the chorus of one of the songs from earlier tonight, and we danced like a real couple. I even let him lead, and that gave me an idea.

“You’re a very good dancer,” Túron complimented.

“Not so bad yourself, especially when you lead.”

“When you let me lead,” he jested.

We twisted and turned, making small circles around his flet, while I hummed a lovely tune. Our eyes caught sight of each other, and our movement slowed until we stopped altogether. I was easily lost in his blue depths.

So often he looked like he was in turmoil. I knew it had everything to do with his past. He’d loved and had been cast out. His ability to make his own decisions had been taken from him. Now he was a servant, still being commanded by others. He’d chosen this career, perhaps as punishment to himself, but I wanted him to know he still had control.

I knelt before him, and looked up into his handsome face, framed by his long unbound hair, smiled softly, and rested my head against his body.

“What are you doing?” he asked, confused by my submissive actions.

“Tonight, I am at your service.” My hands began undoing his belt.

“Rúmil,” he said in quiet protest.

“No. You deserve this, and I want to.” I took the ties of his leggings in my teeth and pulled slowly, seductively, loosening the material, and freeing him from his confines. Before I did anything else, I looked up at him again, waiting for permission. He gave a single nod and I began my work, tasting, swallowing, taking him in. He sucked a heavy breath through his teeth as his hands cupped my head. Then he moved back and came free of me. He pulled me to my feet with only an inching of his finger in gesture. I obeyed my master of the evening, and he undressed me before commanding that I do the same for him.

Standing naked before him, Túron walked around me in a tight circle, his hand roaming over my skin, cool from the chilled air of the room. “You are perfection,” he whispered as his fingers graced the muscles of my chest and stomach. His eyes roamed over every inch of my body, and his tongue moistened his ruby lips when he saw parts of me react involuntarily.

“I want you, Túron,” I said, unable to contain my need.

“Not quite yet, love. I want to play with you first,” he said wantonly, and I knew I was in for a long torturous night.

A few hours later, we woke from our light slumber, entangled in each other’s limbs. He had used me thoroughly, and I was well sated, if not a little sore.

“No one has ever done that for me before,” he admitted shyly.

“No one?” I asked surprised. “Not even your Rivendell lover?”

He shook his head. “Especially him. He was a commanding officer, and I guess it carried into the bedroom too. I … I just assumed that all officers were like that.”

I shifted to my side and sat up on my elbow. “I am not like that. In my eyes, we are equals. It has to be that way if a relationship is ever going to work.”

“Is … that … what this is?” he asked carefully.

“It’s what I want, what I would like to have … with you.”

His mouth curved slightly, still unsure of this new freedom, but he answered as I hoped he would. “I want that too, Rúmil. And I know it will be difficult at times, but I want this to work.”

My heart pounded loudly, feeling like it would leap from my chest. Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I was about to say to him, but I couldn’t withhold my words another moment. I took his chin in my fingers, and captured him with my eyes, looking solidly into their depths. “I’m drawn to you, since the first time I saw you. There’s no help for it. I’m falling in love with you, Túron.” We kissed and I rolled onto him. His legs came up, clutching my waist, and I buried myself. We made love, slow and intensely, and all the while I reassured him of my feelings so that there would be no more doubt.

* * * *

I made sure I was gone – but reluctantly – before the sun rose, and arrived at my home just in time. Barely home long enough, there was a knock at my door. I opened it to the sight of my middle brother, Orophin, with a ridiculous grin stamped on his face, and leaning against the door frame.

“Oh no,” I said and turned to go to the kitchen to make a pot of tea for the two of us. “Don’t tell me,” I called over my shoulder.

Orophin floated into my home, a far off look on his countenance. “I’m in love, brother,” he sang.

So am I, I wanted to say, but held my tongue. “Who is she this time?” I asked. It was a known fact that Orophin fell in love at least once every few months or so.

“You don’t understand. This time it is for real. She is the last elleth I will ever need.” Orophin followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at my table. He slumped back in his chair, a dreamy look about him. I’d seen him like this before, and heard him say those exact words more often than not.

“You don’t say.” My words came without emotion. It surprised me. I’d never known to be jealous of my brother before, but all of a sudden, I felt like he was being selfish for sharing his news, and not even asking about me. Then I realized the problem. As much as I wanted to share my own good news about my love life, I couldn’t. I never could.

My reaction earned me a harsh look from across the table, as Orophin observed me. I ignored him and busied myself with getting a fire started in the stove. “And just where were you last night?” he asked.

“At the dance, of course. But then, you might have known that if you had lifted your eyes from your woman once or twice,” I said begrudgingly.

Orophin stood and came to the stove, grasped my shoulder and roughly turned me towards him, looking from one eye to the other.

“What!” I said with impatience.

“I thought I saw someth—oh yes, there it is,” he bedeviled me. “Seems you have a jaundiced eye. No worries. It should clear itself up.” He suddenly noticed that I was still wearing my uniform and his brows creased. “You have not changed from last night. Did you just get home?” He cocked one brow and his mouth twisted into an impish smile. “Why, you sly silver fox. Who was it? That sweet looking elleth with the blond hair that you danced with or her friend?”

“So you were paying attention,” I said, trying to shift the conversation.

His eyes went wide and he smiled. “Both?”

“Excuse me?” I said, offended by the gesture.

“You can’t fool me, Rúmil. It’s written all over you. You spent the night with someone, and from the look of it . . .” he said, casting an eye over my person, “. . . it seems that you had almost as good of time as I did.”

“My personal life is none of your business. What? Do you think I would spend the night out in the throes of passion when today is such an important day?” As I said before, I was terrible at these kinds of things.

“I say that is exactly what you did,” he accused. “And may an orc drop me dead right now if I’m wrong.” He looked from one side to the other, threw his hands up and shrugged his shoulders. “Still alive, and you, my brother, spent the night in someone else’s bed.”

I gave him a slit-eyed stare, but he wasn’t backing down. “Alright, fine. And so what if I did?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to hear you admit it. You’re not as squeaky clean as you make yourself out to be after all.”

Well, he’d get no argument from me about that. “Why are you here?” I asked.

Orophin slapped my back and laughed, shaking his head. “Fine, keep your secrets. I just hope she was worth it.” He roughed up my hair, which was not all that much in order anyways, and answered my question. “Haldir sent me to make sure you were ready, and to tell you that you’ve been assigned an assistant. He wasn’t sure you knew or not. You’ll need to get a list of tasks ready, so that he’ll know what to expect from you.”

“An assistant?” I wondered. “Is that normal?”

“Well, you don’t think you’re going to do it all, do you?” he jested.

Actually, I did think that, and I was prepared to do so. “What kind of tasks?”

“Mostly errands and taking notes … the busy work that you won’t have time to do. You’ll be down with your troops more often than in your office. If you expect to be home at a decent hour, you’ll need someone to do your footwork.”

I found that I rather liked the idea of an assistant. “When must I have this list ready?”

“By the end of the morning. First things first, though. You’ll need to meet with the new recruits, assign them their duties and get them fitted for uniforms and weaponry.”

“And just when am I supposed to create this list?”

“Well,” he said, drawing the word out long. “Every time you think of something that needs to be done, and you are too busy to do it, jot it to memory. That is your list.”

“Arse,” I said under my breath as I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.

Orophin laughed. “You’re welcome.”

I would have preferred to sip my tea slowly and allow my mind to wander back to last night and Túron, but there wasn’t enough time. While my cup cooled I dressed and braided my hair. I was done just in time to gulp the whole cup in one swallow before Orophin was nudging me out the door. As we walked to the military grounds, he told me more about the elleth he’d met at the dance. He really did seem quite smitten with her. They’d spent the entire evening together, and despite what he said earlier, nothing more serious than a kiss took place between them. This information alone was enough to convince me that Orophin had felt the first tugs of his heartstrings. It also told me that this elleth was quite smart in making my brother reign in his usual behavior. Aye, what if this really was the one, like he said? I’d always imagined Orophin settling his wild ways much later than now. But one never knew when the heart might speak. I smiled to myself at the thought, for I never thought it would happen for me either.

It was an absolute madhouse today. As soon as I arrived, I found Haldir barking orders, soldiers scrambling to get out of his way, and new recruits looking dumbfounded. First order was to get the petrified recruits out of the way by sending them for their fittings. Most of them were standing around like shocked deer, but soon I had them grouped together and, with the help of my prized fledgling, Romon, they were on their way and out of Haldir’s line of sight. He was definitely not in a good mood today. Obviously, he hadn’t met his true love at the dance last night.

The rest of my men were awaiting my orders, so I sent them to the barracks to get settled and changed into their training outfits. I would have them out on the fields practicing maneuvers before the newly enlisted elves came back. Then they could join the rest of the regiment and pair up with the second and third years and begin training.

Next, I made my way back to my office, finding a line of messengers and other people’s footmen waiting for me. One by one, they came in. Some messages needed immediate response, and so those I had to deal with while the courier waited. I found that I despised that kind of correspondence. I liked to take my time answering someone’s questions, but I could not do that with an elf waiting and watching me. Most notes didn’t need a reply right away, and I kept them in my head, turning the information around as I came up with my professional response. Now I began to see the necessity of an assistant. And just where was he anyways? When would he get here so I could start delegating tasks to him? Now it was too late, and I had to get to the training grounds and make sure my men were there and ready. I left a list and the notes I’d been given, telling my assistant what I needed him to do so that my responses to these things would get done in a timely manner. It felt strange giving orders to someone I hadn’t even met yet, but there was nothing more I could do, and I left to perform my duties.

I arrived and found Haldir on the observatory platform, watching the activities below. He wore a scowl, and the line between his brows ran deep today. “Do you have a twin brother that Father never told us about?”

He spared a quick glance over his shoulder and returned to watching. “What?”

“You seem to be everywhere at once,” I commented.

“Good, that’s the way it should be.” He was not in a humorous mood, and got to the task of our business right away. “Your men, Rúmil, they need more practice. They move as slow as Oliphants.”

I watched them as they sparred with each other. They didn’t seem slow to me, but I would not argue with Haldir this morning. “I will speak to them about it.”

“Your recruits, you should take time to choose their training partners. Pairing them up with someone you think they will work well with means they will learn faster. As for the man you traded for, Romon, put him with your best officer. He is far advanced compared to the other recruits. He’ll need challenging or he’ll get bored. And test him yourself. You’ll be able to judge his technique best by actually interacting with him. He’s the best you have. Wouldn’t want to waste his talent.”

“I understand,” I responded.

He turned to leave, his grey cloak billowing out behind him. “One thing,” I said. “The assistant you said I’d be receiving was nonexistent this morning.”

“Oh yes, forgot to tell you. The elf assigned to you was reallocated last minute. Your new subordinate should be there when you get back to your office.”

That was one less thing to worry about. Hopefully he saw my instructions and was busy with correspondence. Now it was time to go down and speak with my men. The recruits would be along soon. I thought it best to start mentally pairing them up with the second and third years before they arrived and things might go much quicker. I had to constantly stay a step or two ahead of myself.

* * * * *

Things went well, though it took all morning. I could see it was past midday. My stomach alerted me of this news also. I hadn’t had anything since the tea I shared with Orophin earlier. I wondered how my brother was faring. He was probably fine. He’d done this before. It was a lot of work and organizing, but I looked forward to the day when everything ran much smoother, when everyone knew where to go and what to do. Today was chaos, and probably the hardest day. I almost looked forward to our march to the borders. There, I would be in my element amongst the trees and the wilds. Being a Captain had its perks, but I was a soldier first … a warrior. Fighting was in my blood and my fingers itched to hold my bow, to swing my sword.

And that’s when I noticed the tendrils of dread curling around my heart. Marching to the borders meant leaving Túron for months at a time. We’d only just begun our relationship, and already I’d be away on my first mission of the season. I wondered if he’d thought about this, and if he knew what he was getting himself into. I’d tried at a relationship in the past and failed, but I hadn’t loved the others as I loved Túron.

I entered the main building of the Captain’s quarters, and headed in the direction of my office. As I was about to go inside, Haldir appeared.

“I apologize if I seemed a little harsh,” he said.

“No, you were right. They were a little sluggish. I addressed my men and corrected it.” I turned to look at him, and he seemed worn. “Are you alright?”

Sensing my concern, Haldir flipped his demeanor like one flipped a coin and smiled. “First day is always the toughest. Chaos.”

“Yes, as I’ve learned for myself. It gets easier though, doesn’t it?”

He chortled cynically. “You’ve a lot to learn.”

I nodded and turned the handle to my office, finding my assistant sitting with his back to the door, sitting in front of my desk, hunched over and scribbling away on a parchment. My messages from earlier spread across the desk top. I was happy to see him busy. “So, you got my instructions, I see. I’m Captain Rúmil, and you’ll be my–” Words escaped me as my new assistant stood and turned around.

“Your new subordinate. Hello Captain. Good to see you again.”

Before me stood Túron. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I think my mouth flapped like a fish gasping for a drink, but I couldn’t really say, as everything went numb. And then Haldir pushed in through the door behind me. Túron looked past my shoulder, and seeing my brother, was at a loss for words.

“Túron, is it?” Haldir finally said. “What a complete … surprise.”

“What are you–” I started, my words sounding too angry. I took a deep breath and feigned a smile. “What are you doing here?” I said more polite and friendly. After all, Túron and I were supposed to come across as friends to outsiders.

“This is my new assignment,” Túron answered.

“By whose orders,” I demanded.

“I don’t know. I received my original orders early this morning, but soon after a messenger came with another letter saying that my first assignment had been canceled, and that I was to report here instead … as your new subordinate. Orders are orders, Captain. No one signs their name to it.”

Haldir had a look of concern, as he seemed to try to figure out the mystery. I was at a complete loss, and Túron must have wanted to shrink and disappear between the floorboards. An officer passed by my door and looked in, stopping short. “March Warden, there you are. I’ve something for you.”

“Yes, what is it?” Haldir replied hastily and left the office for a moment to speak to the officer in the hall.

I took the opportunity to interrogate Túron, and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the far corner. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I wasn’t sure if Túron had anything to do with it. “What is the meaning of this?” I said with ire.

Túron pulled from my grip and adjusted his shirt sleeves. “I’m just as surprised as you are. This wasn’t where I was supposed to be placed.”

“You can’t be here, Túron. You can’t work for me. We’re too … close.” I complained.

“Do you think I requested this?” he accused. “I’m crazy about you, Rúmil, but not this crazy.”

“Send the order back. Decline it. Give them some excuse,” I ordered.

“I can’t. I tried, but the original position has been filled already.”

“You don’t understand,” I said slowly. “No one I’ve ever been involved with has ever stepped foot onto the base. My military life and my private life must be kept apart.”

“What do you think I’m going to do, fling you across your desk and have my way with you? Give me some credit, Rúmil. I think I can contain my emotions.”

We had been speaking at a whisper, though heatedly when Haldir came back in. “Is there a problem here?” he asked.

“Actually–” I began, but Túron stepped in front of me, cutting me off.

“Everything is fine, March Warden,” he said cheerily. I didn’t think this was an accurate assessment of our situation.

Haldir came up to us and spoke quietly. “I know the two of you are friends, and this job can be quite commanding at times. If either of you think this might be a matter of difficulty . . .”

“Not at all,” Túron answered for us both. I had a sudden urge to ring his neck.

“Very good then. Rúmil, get Túron organized. I’ll check in later to see how things are going.” Haldir nodded and left the office. He closed the door on his way out, and Túron and I stood there for a moment. Eventually, I walked over to my chair and had a seat behind my desk.

“This is craziness. We can’t work together. We are lovers. This is too dangerous of a situation.”

“Don’t you trust me?” he asked. “I’ve told you before that I would never do anything that would jeopardize your career.”

“I know you wouldn’t, but that’s not the point.” I felt defeated and gave a great sigh. We sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to figure out how we were going to pretend day after day that there was nothing romantic between us. I feared that we might become too comfortable and let something slip that someone might pick up on.

“Well,” Túron said, finally breaking the silence. “It’s better than my original orders.”

“Why? Where did they assign you to?” I asked.

“I was to be a scribe’s assistant in the libraries, half way across the city. They work very long hours and well into the night. We might never have had time for each other.”

That didn’t sound good at all, though our current situation didn’t seem much better. We would see each other throughout the day, but we would have to be under constant awareness of how we acted together. I didn’t know whether to be happy or upset. A part of me was thrilled to know he would be near, that I could just drop in and see him whenever the need arose. But then, I couldn’t be myself around him until we left the base. Aye, why did these things always happen to me?


	6. Chapter 6

I knew this working arrangement was a bad idea, but I couldn’t bring myself to change it. Túron and I remained on a professional level while on base, though we couldn’t help our longing stares every once in a while. And every time it happened, I felt like everyone in the vicinity watched us or could read our minds. I’m sure I behaved rather suspiciously, but I hoped it came off as nervousness with my new position. However, that would only take me so far. Most people knew that I was very confident, especially since Haldir and Orophin were my older brothers. They knew I would not fail. It was not in my bloodline.

This all seemed so much easier when I thought Túron was going to work as a servant somewhere else in the city. I had so many hopes and dreams for us. To be able to hold my position in the army and carry on with as normal of a relationship as I could afford seemed like a dream come true. I had prepared myself for the fact that it would never happen for me, and then I met Túron who was just as willing to do what it took to make this work. I loved him and I really wanted this, but I never imagined that he would become my subordinate. Our safety net had been demolished. Before all of this, we could traverse around the city and appear as friends. Then disappear into the shadows of the night and become lovers. Now, he was under my employment and my command, a situation in which friendships were nonexistent. I feared that heads would turn in suspicion. Now, my fears were wreaking havoc on what should have been an exciting time for our newly developing relationship. 

I was busy writing reports midday, my mind a jumbled mess of thoughts. Túron sat at his own small desk against the opposite wall of my office, head buried in his work. I peeked over my ledger to watch him. His face was expressionless as he scribbled away at some task I’d assigned him. The tension between us had been thick, but then I guess that was my fault.

Things had been stressful, even outside of the base, as I made sure we kept a safe distance. Túron, however, always tried, and he kept hope in his heart, but I could see it fading. It wouldn’t be long and he would tire of this. I would be alone again. I didn’t want that … not this time. 

“Hey,” he said from his desk. I looked up at him. “Why don’t we go to dinner tonight?”

“Oh, well … I … I don’t know,” I stammered.

“Rúmil, it’s been two weeks, and we haven’t done a damn thing together except what we are doing right now,” he complained.

Had it really been two weeks? “I know, and I’m sorry. You’ve been very patient. It’s just that there’s been a ton of stuff to do, and not much time to do it in,” I explained with my usual excuse.

“So you are too busy for me now? Is that it?”

Ai, just as I feared. It was starting … the beginning of the end. “You know our situation here. Things have become very delicate. The slightest mistake and–”

“And everyone will know about us. Yes … yes, you remind me of that every day.” He got up from his desk. I watched him casually walk over to the door and slide the lock into place. He was making me very nervous.

“What are you doing?”

“Something I should have done already.” He padded across the room, shoulders swaying seductively.

“Túron, no,” I said firmly.

“Rúmil, we cannot keep going on this way. You’ve ignored me for two weeks now. I have needs and I know you do too.”

“I do have needs,” I said. “And right now I need for you to get your head together. If you think I’m going to let you seduce me here, within my office with people only feet away, then you’ve truly lost your mind.”

“Alright, I’ll stop if you agree to dinner.”

I considered him through the slits of my eyes. “Fine,” I agreed finally, and returned to my work.

“You are no fun, you know that?” he said, a hint of bitterness in his tone.

I watched him work from the corner of my eye. He always tried his best and did his job well enough. He always did what I asked of him, and seemed to flourish as a messenger. He enjoyed getting out and meeting others. I thought that he didn’t mind sitting in this office as long as I was here. I wouldn’t deny that it was enjoyable being able to spend time with him every day. It just wasn’t the way I actually wanted to spend it.

Two weeks? Had I really held him off for that long? Túron must have feelings for me to wait that long without complaint. Any other elf would have ended this tortured affair already. But he was still here, making the best of an awkward situation. I supposed I owed him my gratitude, and as I watched his lips move as he read one of the papers before him, I felt my desire demand to pay him in full.

The door was still locked. It would be a shame not to take advantage of that. Let’s see, what time of day was it? Oh yes, my troops were all down at the practice fields working with my officers. They wouldn’t be done for at least half an hour, and then they’d go back to the barracks. That meant no one would come around delivering reports for a bit.

Túron stood and went to the bookshelf. I watched him trace his finger over the bindings, looking for a specific reference manual. He was still learning the code for certain military orders. Each category had its own set of codes, anything from weapons to toiletry items.

I silently got up and went to him, standing behind him as I looked over his shoulder. “Need help with something?” I asked as charmingly as possible.

His head turned to the side and he glanced back at me. I could see the corner of his mouth twitch into what could be considered a waggish smile. “A few of your men request sticklewort, but I don’t know whether to categorize it under healing herbs or food.”

“Well, I wouldn’t think it would be very good to drink for enjoyment, so I would say … look under … herbs.” As I spoke, I stretched my arm out and reached for the herb reference manual, pushing my body against his back in the process. His hands went to the shelf in front of him, and I stopped in mid reach. “Oh, I do apologize if I have crowded you,” I whispered into his neck. “You smell wonderful.”

“I would think you’d like it. It’s yours, the sandalwood oil.”

I took his wrists and pinned him to the shelf. “Taking my stuff without even asking? I believe that is a punishable crime.”

“How would you have me … serve my time, Captain?” he asked with a sultry airy voice.

“Maybe I’ll just have you instead.”

“Didn’t we just have this conversation? And you told me I’d lost my head.” He slipped out of my grasp and turned in the tight space between me and the bookshelf so that we were facing one another, lips only a hair’s width apart. His natural aura, green and earthly, mixed with the sandalwood oil from my bath and filled my senses. It was a rousing blend that had me on the verge of throwing caution to the wind.

“We shouldn’t do this,” I said unconvincingly.

“No, we shouldn’t,” he said, smiling against my lips before we kissed.

Ai, those lips … nothing felt so good nor tasted so succulent. I could spend forever with him like this. Unfortunately, we only had minutes, and I had the most straining cockstand I’d ever experienced. “I want you … now,” I growled as I loosened my ties, and lifted the long skirt of his robe. Túron turned his back to me and adjusted his stance. I wasted no time getting to business. The bookshelf rattled from our rapacious actions, as we found gratification and satisfied our carnality. In other words, I screwed him hard and fast against the bookcase, almost knocking it over. We kept our moans at a minimum volume, but there was nothing to be done about the books falling to the floor. At that point, I didn’t care. A pack of Wargs could have assailed us, and I wouldn’t have skipped a beat. Besides, I knew I’d come up with a convincing reason for the clamor, if anyone decided to make known their concerns.

We finished simultaneously, sweaty and panting as we rested against the bookshelf. I realized that I’d never look at it the same way again, not without thinking of Túron, and smiled to myself. “I don’t know what it is about you, but you bring out the beast in me,” I said, kissing a trail along the sinuosity of his neck and shoulder.

“And I believe I could get used to the beast.” He said it jestingly, but I couldn’t help think that there was more to that statement than what lay on the outside of his words. I turned to the side and Túron spun towards me. He pushed a sweaty strand of loose hair out of my face and looked into my eyes. I lost myself there, and I didn’t care if I ever found my way back. “I meant what I said, Rúmil. I want to make this work, but it’s going to take both of us making an effort. You can’t just shut me out because you think everyone is watching and waiting. I’m not saying that we won’t run into a few obstacles along the way. I know for a fact that we will. I just hope you know everything that’s happened between us has been unexpected. Unforeseen, but glorious, and I … I’ve found that I … love you.”

My heart was skipping beats, though it didn’t show on my exterior expressions. Instead, I kissed him gently and passionately. “Let’s forget about dinner, and go straight to your place.”

“You’ll need your energy if you’re coming home with me. Dinner first,” he demanded.

* * * * *

We finished out the day in our usual manner, and when everything was done, we walked to the dining hall. It smelled like venison was the main course tonight. I was very hungry, not having eaten much since the morning in anticipation for the evening to come. Our unexpected tryst took the edge off of my worry, though it was never completely gone. I had never done anything so daring before … and I liked it. 

As we approached the food table, the spread – a mixture of venison prepared in different ways – made my stomach rumble quite audibly. As hungry as I was, though, I could hardly wait to finish and finally be alone with my lover. Túron, I noticed, stopped several times to say hello to fellow servants he’d once worked with. He wasn’t awkward at all as he talked to them, and introduced me as his new employer. I would have blushed if I were to come upon friends of mine so soon after secret union, but Túron was relaxed and unconcerned that one or both of us might still show signs of our exercise. Most of his friends were shocked to hear he’d been put in an assistant’s position rather than service, and he said something that peaked my curiosity.

“It’s the oddest thing,” he told one of his acquaintances. “But I did not request that kind of assignment. I wanted to stay in service.”

I wondered to myself, why he had been taken from his first duties and put onto mine. It was rare that someone did not get the line of work that they requested. Then again, it was a last minute change, and no one had known that we were friends or he might not have been assigned as my subordinate.

We went about enjoying a delicious meal and good company without any more distractions. There was something about being with Túron that, even in public like this, calmed my frazzled nerves. He was not worried in the least. His confidence shined. It always had since the first time we met.

Our plates were empty, our bellies full, and now we were enjoying a glass of wine. Once again, Túron had worked his magic on me, and I relaxed enough to gaze at him across the table unguardedly. He caught my look, and hid his smile with his glass. He sipped long, head tilted up, and eyes turned towards the leafy boughs that made the ceiling. They turned slowly down and rested on me, his glass lowering to the table. “The last time you looked at me like that, we did not get out of bed for a whole day. Be careful, Rúmil. Neither one of us can afford not to show for our jobs, and definitely not both of us at the same time.”

“Of course not, but no one will talk if you take a day off.”

“Do you mean to use me to exhaustion?” he asked mischievously.

“The thought has crossed my mind. And as sumptuous as things were earlier, I still have not had my fill. I figure it is the least I can do to make my amends.”

“Hmm, a difficult offer to refuse, but I think that I should like to stay for a while yet, as I’m not quite ready to leave. More wine?” he asked, but he was already waving a server over to our table before I could answer.

This was an odd turn of events. Here I was, ready to give up my fears to make his dreams come true, and he was not ‘ready’. I bit my lip and wondered why. Túron smiled kindly at the wine servant, who filled both of our cups. As she picked up my glass, the corner of my napkin caught in her fingers and it fell to the floor. She apologized and knelt down to retrieve it, almost spilling the wine. I warned her, she fumbled slightly, but caught herself, and set down glass and napkin without incident. When she left, I looked at Túron for his reaction.

“She must be new,” he said, watching her go hurriedly back to the kitchen.

“Or poorly trained. She must be embarrassed, poor dear.”

Túron gave a sly look from across the table. “Had it been me, I would have been more careful.”

“Did you not have a difficult time of it when you first started your servant career?” I teased, and reached for my napkin. Túron was still making comments about his extraordinary talents in service, when something slipped out of my napkin. It fell into my lap and I picked it up; a piece of paper with something scribbled on it. I unfolded it and instantly felt my insides clench with horror. Túron must have recognized the look on my face that matched my internal turmoil.

“What is it?” he asked, low toned and grave.

My hand instinctively crumpled the paper into my fist, and I began searching the dining hall for the servant girl. “Which way did she go?” I said with utmost urgency.

“Who?” Túron asked.

“The girl, where did she disappear to?” I couldn’t find her anywhere in the hall.

“Rúmil, what is going on?” he asked again.

I stood from the table and looked around the hall, but she was nowhere to be found.

“Rúmil, talk to me,” Túron demanded, now standing at my side and following my line of sight. I slipped the piece of paper into his hand. He looked down, unfolded it, and read in a whisper. “’You’re being watched.’ Where did this come from?”

“It was in my napkin, the one the girl dropped,” I informed.

As though he’d done it a thousand times, Túron adjusted his collar and started off. “Stay here. I’m going to find her and get some answers.”

My eyes swept the hall again, just in time to see a flash of golden hair disappear around the corner from the entrance. There was no mistaking that mane. It was Beldor. I hurried towards the doorway, ignoring Túron’s demand that I stay. Outside, the path led right or left. Looking left, just beyond the last lantern before the path plunged into darkness, I witnessed the blue-green robe that I’d often had the pleasure of stripping from Beldor. He was fleeing, but not that fast. He would allow me to catch him up, so I calmly walked down the pathway, remembering what the note said. I found him soon enough, walking casually towards me. He lifted his hand and touched his forefinger to his temple. It was a signal, and it meant we were not safe to speak openly. As we passed each other, we nodded cordially, our eyes meeting for only a second. Then, I felt him push something into my hand. I took it and palmed it, securely hidden from view. No one could have seen the exchange. We’d done this before, usually to request a ‘meeting’. I thought it would be the same kind of request, though not for a liaison.

I kept walking, finding myself at a necessary, and took advantage of the solitude, even though I had not the need to empty my bladder. I looked at this second note from Beldor. ‘Meet me at the guest quarters where the minstrels are housed, second room on the left. Come now.’

“What are you up to, Beldor?” I whispered to myself and left the privy.

The guest quarters he spoke of were behind the performance hall, the one Túron and I had gone to the night of the dance. There was another concert tomorrow night, and it was not uncommon for adherents to pay a visit to the musicians before their performance to wish them luck. It’s not something I had ever done before, but it would not look out of the ordinary, especially since I had just attended a concert performed by the same harpist.

As I passed the dining hall, I glanced quickly through the entryway, seeing our empty table. Túron was either preoccupied with the servant girl, or he was looking for me. I paused briefly, wondering if I should tell him where I was going, but thought better of it. If we were being watched, I didn’t want to bring any more attention upon us than had already been brought. I would speak to Beldor first. I needed to know more about this warning.

The next tree was one of the many huge mallorns that grew in the Golden Wood. This one had a staircase spiraling along its trunk which led down to the next level where the performance hall was located. There was not much traffic here since there wasn’t any entertainment this evening. Still, elves strolled here and there, comfortable in conversation, taking in the night air and the solitude. I nodded in greeting to the elves that I passed, wondering about each one. Were any of them watching me? They didn’t seem suspicious, but one could never tell.

Finally, at the guest quarters pathway, I walked along slowly, finding the area deserted. The muffled sound of a lute came from one door, the airy whistle of a flute from another. The second door on the left revealed the plucking of a harp, and I paused before knocking. As far as I knew, Beldor did not play, but whoever was practicing was definitely a professional from the sound of it. Had I misread the note? I didn’t think I had, but I wasn’t going to chance looking at it a second time. Instead, I rapped my knuckles upon the white wood grain door. The harp went silent and I waited to see who would answer. To my surprise, it was the harpist himself. He was very tall and thin. Everything about him seemed long, his fingers, arms, legs, and even his face. He had the most uniquely red hair I’d ever seen in the elven world. Not red like the true color of red hair, but lightly toned reminding me of a pale strawberry wine I had once as a child. I found myself wishing I had a glass of it now, remembering the giddy feeling it gave me to drink it. I felt odd knocking on his door, not even knowing his name.

“Uh … Good evening, uh . . .”

“Gangeldir,” he answered with his own introduction. “And a good evening to you too, Captain . . .?”

“Rúmil,” I said, confirming my identity. He smiled warmly and stepped aside.

“Come in, come in. Always a pleasure to see someone with your standing in the community interested in the arts.” He spoke a little louder than I thought was necessary. Then again, I’d heard that sometimes a musician’s ability to hear was somewhat diminished due to the vociferous nature of the job. Either that or he was putting on a show for anyone who might be spying about outside. Whatever the reason, he was very kind and polite in greeting, and closed the door behind us.

I wasn’t sure what to say next, but I didn’t have to say anything. Once safe inside, Beldor appeared from a door towards the back of the room. “Hello Captain, fancy meeting you here,” he chortled.

Gangeldir seemed to float above the floor as he walked. His white robes were so long I couldn’t see his feet. He joined Beldor by his side. At least a head taller than Beldor, Gangeldir leaned down, kissed the pointed tip of Beldor’s ear and whispered loud enough so I could hear. “Will the Captain be joining us tonight?” As he asked, his eyes scanned me from head to toe, making me feel like I was naked before him. It was a bit unsettling or arousing; I wasn’t sure at the moment, but then, my nerves were rattled.

Beldor turned to Gangeldir, kissed him passionately, and then whispered onto his swollen lips. “Not this time, lover. Remember that favor I asked of you?”

Gangeldir cupped his hand to Beldor’s crotch and smiled. “I’ll just leave you to your business, but don’t keep me waiting too long.” He glanced at me again with his wandering eyes. “If you change your mind, Captain . . .”

“I’m afraid he doesn’t participate in our kind of game,” Beldor answered to cover for me. Last thing I needed was for some outsider to know my secret.

“Shame that,” Gangeldir said with sincere disappointment. Then he exited into the same room where Beldor came from. I assumed it was a bedroom. The scent of rose oil wafted past my nose. It was a familiar scent … Beldor’s favorite.

“So, what is all of this about?” I asked, wanting to get right to the heart of things.

“Not so fast, love. Come, join me. Wine? Perhaps something stronger? Gangeldir has quite the collection. Gifts from adoring fans.” Beldor picked up a fancy bottle, short, wide and square with a crystal stopper. The amber liquid inside looked interesting and potent. “Brandy from Rohan. I’m told it’s the King’s favorite.” He poured a small amount into a glass and rolled it around, watching how it stuck to the sides. “This stuff makes Dorwinion taste like fruit juice, though it doesn’t have the same sexually driven after affects as Mirkwood’s finest wine.”

“I’ve not come to discuss alcohol, Beldor. Now tell me what is happening. What did you mean by that note? Who is watching?” I couldn’t afford to be here for very long. I knew Túron would be looking for me and I needed to get back.

Beldor cupped the side of my face, and looked into my eyes. “What has happened to you, Rúmil? You used to like to play. But then, I guess it’s due to your promotion. Captain in the Northern Border Guard of Lothlórien. Big responsibility, no doubt. Also makes you a target for deception.”

“What have you heard about it?” I demanded.

“Well, I know of a certain March Warden of the Eastern Guard who would like nothing better than to ruin the career of your brother, Haldir. I also know that, after numerous attempts to soil his name and reputation over the years, this Warden of the East has failed time and time again. Seems your brother is meticulous when it comes to his personal life, and nothing but professional pertaining to his military standing. The East Warden had all but given up … that is until he heard a rumor that there were some amongst the troops who did not stick to the high rules of the army. Two of his own men were recently discovered and asked to resign from their positions. Thrown back into the populous … turned civilian. They were hoping it could all be hidden without incident. But the walls have ears, and rumor spread quickly in certain hierarchy circles.”

“You are not even in the military. How could you possibly know any of this to be true?” I asked, challenging him with his information.

Beldor took a small sip of his brandy, smiled and put a hand on my knee. “My dear, you are not the only soldier who has come to me looking to curb his cravings. One of the men Raenor released from the army was an acquaintance of mine. Anyways, after that discovery, Raenor went on a massive raid looking for others, and found only one more. But I think it gave him the idea to pursue other avenues outside of his own regiment. He’s looking to the North, and he’s going right to the top, starting with you and your brothers.”

I could feel bile rise in my gut. This was very bad news for someone like me. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard about these so called raids. In the past, I laid low for a while, stayed away from anything or anyone that might expose my secret until things died down. This time was different now that I was involved with someone within my office. But this wasn’t something I could walk away from. I loved Túron, and I didn’t want to lose him.

Feeling trapped, panic began to rise through my stomach and settled in my chest. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Relax. I was very careful before coming here. No one saw me enter Gangeldir’s quarters, and if anyone trailed you, they will think you are looking to reserve the best seats in the house for the concert tomorrow evening. I suggest that you be there, just to make sure this visit seems legitimate. And don’t take your new plaything with you. My source tells me that they’ve already taken note of all the time you two have spent together. Fortunately, they have not trailed you to either of your homes. They’ve just started investigating. My advice to you is to get rid of him quickly and return to business as usual until this whole witch hunt blows over.”

I heard what Beldor had to say, and I knew he was right, but it wasn’t as simple as all that. Hearts were involved this time. I couldn’t just send Túron away without serious consequences.

“What’s this?” Beldor said after my long silence. My worry must have shown on my face. “This elf of yours … he’s not just another liaison. You really care for him, don’t you? Well, this is a problem, isn’t it? Why on earth would you put yourself in such jeopardy?”

“When we met, he was just a servant at the main hall. It was safe and easy to cover our tracks. If I had any idea that he would be assigned as my assistant–”

“I smell a rat,” Beldor interrupted. “I don’t think it was just a coincidence that your man was put in that position.”

“If that’s true, then Raenor must suspect much more than I thought.”

Beldor shook his head. Any sign of jesting has disappeared with this new dilemma. “You have to get rid of him. You must go to the office in charge of servant assignments and request a change.”

“But that will tarnish Túron’s outstanding record,” I argued, hoping to come up with a better solution.

“Or you can let him stay and everyone gets hurt,” Beldor said sarcastically. “They are already suspicious, Rúmil. You have to make a substantial move in order to make Raenor think he’s been chasing the wrong leads. I don’t think he’s working alone in all of this. He couldn’t have found out as quickly as he did on his own, or even with his own men. Someone has led him in the right direction.”

“You may be right,” I said, worried about this anonymous person. There was no telling who it might be, but it was definitely someone with a vendetta. My first thought was that it must be someone who was upset over learning that I was promoted to Captain, one of those who accused Haldir of being unfair, and choosing me not for my skill, but because I am his brother. There were a few elves that felt this way. I could very easily see them being influenced by Raenor to spy within their own regiment. The thought was very unsettling. What all might I have given away, letting my guard down recently? I thought about that time in the garden with Túron, when we first met. Was someone watching then? I found it odd that Raenor and his brother, Gúdir, were there … and with the elleth I had taken to the dance just the day before, no less. Ai, what a mess this was. “I have to go.”

Beldor nodded and stood. “Good luck, Rúmil. If I should hear anything else, I will send word.”

I stood and took his hands in mine. “Thank you, Beldor.”

He gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek and went to the bedroom door, disappearing inside. Then, Gangeldir appeared and walked me to the front door. He opened it and ushered me out, shook my hand and gave me two tokens, all in plain view for anyone who might be watching from the shadows. “It will be an honor to have you attend the performance, Captain. Arrangements have been made. Your seats have been assigned. If there is a problem, show them these,” he gestured to the round wooden chips in my hand.

“Thank you, and I look forward to the concert,” I responded cordially with proper bow, and I left the guest quarters. I decided not to go home just yet, so I went back to my office. I’d kept an eye out as I went, but saw no sign of Túron. He was a smart elf. He would know to keep his distance, at least until he had to show at my office tomorrow. I knew Beldor was right. I had to request a change, which was the reason I went to my office now. I would write up a letter and have it sent first thing. I wanted badly to speak with Túron first, and explain my actions, but I was afraid of being seen or overheard. No, this had to be done in a way that looked legitimate and wouldn’t raise suspicions. I could only hope that Túron would understand, and that I was doing this for him … for us. I should have known better than to try and have something normal and loving. My standing as a soldier wouldn’t allow it. For the first time in my life, I started to wonder if it was all worth it. Shouldn’t love and the chance at spending the rest of eternity with someone have more precedence over a life that was practically chosen for me? Then again, this wasn’t just about me anymore. I had let Túron into my heart, and that caused my carelessness. I couldn’t let him get messed up in this. Even if it meant my own discovery, I had to do what I could to make sure Túron was kept out of it. I had my brothers to worry about too, and that was just as important, if not more important than my personal life and happiness. I would do anything to keep them all safe, and that included ending my relationship with Túron. But it hurt tremendously, and it would leave such a horrible wound on my soul. No, I thought, let Túron go, first from my office, and then … after I had explained my reasoning … I’d release him from my heart. After all, it was my own fault. I shouldn’t have pursued him. I shouldn’t have given him hope that we could have anything normal. Most of all, I shouldn’t have let myself believe it. As I’d said in the beginning, my love life was doomed as long as I remained faithful to Lothlórien’s army.

* * * * *

I dreaded the next morning, and slogged back to my office first thing. The previous night, I made up my letter of request for a new assistant, walked it over to the proper office and handed it to the elf on duty. It was marked urgent, and would be one of the first things they would look at. I decided not to go home, just in case Túron was there looking for me. Instead, I went to Orophin’s home. Luckily he was alone, so I didn’t disturb his evening. I showed him the wooden tokens from Gangeldir and invited him to the concert, which he accepted. I made up some excuse as to why I asked to stay at his flet, but he didn’t bat an eye. Orophin was happy to have me over, and we spent part of the night reliving old memories from our youth. One thing came up that had always kept me confused, the reason our father sailed so early on. I remember him sitting me and my brothers down and explaining it all. It was very confusing to an elfling as young as I was. The whole thing about the calling of the sea, and dreams of Valinor’s shores was beyond my comprehension. It would be thousands of years before any such notions became a concern for me. But I did notice that my father wasn’t as prepared as some of the other elves I’d known who sailed. He wasn’t deafened by the gull’s song or blinded by visions of ships sailing towards a golden sunset. Perhaps it was just my lack of understanding, but I thought that it wasn’t his time yet, and that he was being forced to go. Then again, he spoke often of seeing my mother, and when he did, he stared dreamily towards the west, to the Grey Havens. So perhaps he was ready to sail, but I still didn’t understand why he went when he did. Orophin wasn’t sure either, and Haldir never talked about it.

I was not surprised to find a messenger standing outside of my office, a folded note in his hand. He bowed and gave it to me, then went on his way. I looked at the note before opening it. The paper was from the association responsible for assigning servants. I opened it and read. My request had already been accepted and Túron was being notified of his release, probably at this very moment. I hated myself.

The day got underway with no sign of Túron. I hoped that he might come, and then I could explain my rash decision to send him away. He saw the mysterious warning, though. Surely he would know why I did what I did. But his words played repeatedly in my head, ‘You can’t shut me out. We both must make an effort’. This was worse than shutting him out. I had done the one thing I said I would never do, and cast him away just like his Rivendell lover.

“What’s this?” Haldir said as he burst into my office. “I heard that you requested a new assistant, and that Túron was reassigned.”

“Word spreads quickly,” I said to cover my true feelings. “It just wasn’t working out,” 

“It seemed like it was working out just fine. Túron was doing and excellent job. Why did you send him away?”

“I have expectations. Túron wasn’t reaching them. End of story,” I said tersely.

“Fine then,” said Haldir, throwing his hands up in surrender. “By the way, I’m inspecting your men today, starting with the recruits. Have them lined up and ready on the field in an hour.”

“They’ll be there.” I sounded harsh as I spoke to him. No one else could have gotten away with that.

* * * * *

Later, as I made my way to the training grounds, I wondered about Túron. Where might he be, and what would he think of me now. Did he understand that what I did was to protect him and me, not to mention my brothers? Did he care? It all happened within a matter of hours. Just yesterday we were happy, and unconcerned. Everything was going along so well. But that was yesterday.

I was about there, the training grounds, when someone came up from behind, grabbing my arm roughly. I started to turn, but was pulled back to face front ways. Looking to my side, I found Túron there, looking straight ahead with a scowl.

“Túron, let me explain,” I started, but he stopped me.

“There’s no time. Don’t question what I’m about to do,” he said with a severe tone.

“I know you’re upset, but after you left the dining hall, I went to–”

“I don’t want to know where you went,” he said harshly. It was as I feared, he hated me. We stopped and he finally looked at me. I expected to see anger and resentment, but I was met with sorrow. “I’m sorry, I should have told you, but . . .” He paused to search for the right words, but I could see they were failing him. Instead, he regained his strict demeanor, his brows furrowing with concern. “Listen, Rúmil, things are about to change that I–” 

Suddenly, Raenor appeared on our path. Túron stopped and turned to a venomous manner, as he spoke loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear. “And here I thought you were a friend,” he seethed. “Well, to Mordor with you, and may an orc shove his shit in your lying mouth.”

I was completely thrown off guard, and still trying to comprehend what had just transpired between us. I thought he was trying to relay something to me, but now I could not escaped the daggers that shot from his narrowed eyes. You’ve lost him, my mind kept confirming, and now he hates you. 

“Trouble, Captain?” Raenor asked as he caught us up. I mentally shook myself and regained my professionalism.

“Nothing I cannot handle,” I answered dryly, at least I thought I could handle it.

“What seems to be the problem?” Raenor went on questioning.

“No problem at all, just–”

Túron cut me off. “No problem? You fucking bastard! You went to the reassignment office without even discussing it with me, and requested a new assistant. And now there is a blemish on my record. How dare you treat me in such a way? Could you not have discussed it with me first?”

I felt the razor thin edges of his words begin to shred my heart, but I couldn’t let the pain show. I couldn’t help notice the resentment that spilled from his mouth, the same mouth that just the night before had so lovingly touched mine with a burning kiss. I was stunned and confused, and I no longer cared if my true emotions slipped out. “Túron, please, just let me explain,” I begged. I knew I should have reprimanded him for speaking to an officer in such a rude manner, but I couldn’t. I wanted desperately to speak with him.

“There’s nothing to explain … Captain!” Túron said, spitting my title with anger.

“Now see here,” Raenor bellowed. “You will not speak to a commanding officer in such a tone.”

Túron shot Raenor a murderous glare, and then turned it on me. “He is no longer my commanding officer, nor is he my friend, and I’ll speak as I see fit. Actually, I’ll not waste any more breath on him. Good riddance, I say.” With that, he marched off, leaving me feeling deflated and ruined.

“I think you’ve made an enemy,” Raenor commented with a slight smile.

“I am in no mood for your antics, Raenor. Why are you here anyways?” I scowled.

“I’ve come to discuss a few things with your brother, the March Warden. It’s none of your concern really, at least, I don’t think it is. Good day, Captain.” Raenor turned onto the path that lead to Haldir’s observing station, where he looked out onto his troops as they practiced on the field below.

What exactly did he mean by that? I thought about Beldor’s warning, ‘You’re being watched’, and wondered if someone had reported something to Raenor about Túron and me. After all, it was Raenor that instigated the search for those ignoring the army rules. If he couldn’t prove anything against me, then there was nothing to charge me with. I had to wonder how I’d been put in this position so fast. Had I been a target all along? Or had someone from my past raised suspicions? But why would they do such a thing. The only elves that came to mind were Beldor, Túron and Fandir, but I didn’t think any of them would have some kind of a vendetta against me. I was sure it was not Túron. Beldor had been the one who warned me, so I didn’t think he would have done anything. Fandir, well, it had been a very long time since we’d had any sort of conversation. When he left me – and it was definitely he who broke off our relationship – we had agreed to remain friendly, but distant. Our romance happened before I went into the military, and that couldn’t be held against me, though it had never come up. We had been very discreet. But who else could it be if it was not one of these three? I had no more time to think about it. I was at the training grounds, and there was work to be done. I put these new findings as far out of my mind as possible, which wasn’t very far, and got on with my day. But it was Túron’s harsh words that rang in my head the rest of the day. I needed to see him, and explain my reasons for banishing him. I needed him to know I did it to protect us. I feared it was too late, though. I feared that I’d lost him for good, and my heart was breaking, shattering and grinding into dust.

* * * * *

A few days passed, and I hadn’t received any kind of communication from Túron, good or bad. I hadn’t seen him around the area, and I was too afraid to go to his home, so I stayed away. I finally learned that he’d taken employment as a scribe’s assistant, half way to the other side of the city. He worked odd unpredictable hours. There was no way to contact him to set up a meeting. I wouldn’t chance my note being intercepted. I would just have to wait, and hope that he would at least hear me out.

After the altercation with Raenor, I started to remember what Túron whispered to me. He’d said that things were about to change. I didn’t know what that meant, but it sure didn’t sound promising. Was it a threat? Was he planning on confessing our love affair? Did he hate me that much? All I wanted was one moment with him to clear things up, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon. And the worst part was … despite his harsh words and the hate that flowed from his tongue, I missed him. I just wanted him to know that, if nothing else.

Well, there was no use worrying over it. I had troops to organize. Summer was coming to a close and in three weeks, my regiment was marching to the borders for a three month tour of duty. There was still a lot to get done in that small frame of time. I would be too busy to try and rectify things with Túron.

My recruits were all doing very well, all but one, my best one, the one I’d traded for … Romon. He seemed depressed and on edge. I’d meant to talk to him about it, but with everything else going on, I had to put it off. Because of his mood, his technique suffered. He just wasn’t doing as well as he should have been. I watched him now, my best archer, the one I depended on to help teach the others, shoot arrow after arrow and hardly hit his target. Something had to be done. I waved him over to the side and waited for him to slowly slog across the field. He hadn’t always been like this. After the Choosing, he was eager to learn and happy to help others. Romon showed so much potential. I had high hopes for him. Now, he seemed like a shell of his former self.

“Romon, you look like you’re having trouble. Everything alright?” I asked, putting a firm hand on his shoulder and walking him away from the field. I took note of how very tall he was, and his dark brown hair was only to the middle of his back. Still so very young, he was, but I understood how some things could interfere with natural talents such as the one he had with a bow.

“Everything is fine, Captain,” he answered somberly.

“Doesn’t sound like it. What’s the matter?”

“It’s not something I feel I can discuss with you, Captain. I apologize if I’ve been slacking lately. I’ll try harder.”

“Come with me, soldier.” I led him away from the area, to a quiet place where we could speak without interruption. When we were alone, I began my interrogation. “I hope you know that you can speak to me openly about anything that might be bothering you. I’m your Captain and with that comes the responsibility to see to my men’s wellness. If something is bothering you, and it affects your abilities as a soldier, then it needs to be addressed. Anything you say will go no further than my ears; I promise you that.”

I could sense his hesitancy. I had a feeling that I might know what the problem was. Remembering the Choosing ceremony, and the moment that I announced Romon would join my regiment, I’d seen him look back at a soldier. It was not a look that friends might share. It was deeper and more emotionally charged than that. Since that day, I hadn’t given it much thought. Romon adjusted well, and I figured that all was in good standing. It’s not like I could ask him about it anyway, not without outing him and his lover – if that’s who he was – and risking my own secret life. Now it seemed that there was some kind of trouble. Perhaps the separation was too much for them. Though they were both members of the Northern Guard, they were in different regiments, and would not see much of each other outside of meals and personal reprieve. I knew I had to handle this situation in a most delicate way.

“So, Romon, is there some kind of relationship trouble?” I asked, making sure not to mention male or female. He lifted his eyes to meet mine, so sorrowful they looked.

“How did you know?” he asked with an edge of fear.

I smiled reassuringly. “I’ve been there myself. A soldier’s life can be a strain on a couple, especially if they have been together for a while. You’re used to being together, seeing each other any time you like. And then you join the army, and it owns your time, and it doesn’t care whether or not there is someone waiting to see you again. A lot of relationships fail because of our dedication to Lórien’s military.”

“Is that why you are not bound, Captain?” Romon asked, catching me off guard.

“It’s one reason why. I am committed to my job, and unless I meet someone who can understand that and be willing to share, then I’m afraid I will remain unattached.” I answered to the best of my ability. It was the truth, after all. And Túron was, I thought, the one who was willing. This discussion was bringing up some emotions that I was not ready to deal with, and I quickly wiped it from my thoughts. “We’ll finish up here, and then you’ll join me in my office. We’ll discuss this further, in private. But first, what do you say we shoot a few arrows first. It’s been a while since I practiced.”

Romon looked hopeful as he bowed to me. “Yes, Captain. That would be good. Thank you.”

We made our way to the archery practice area. I knew Haldir would want to discuss his findings after the inspection, but it would wait. Romon needed someone to talk to, and that was more important at the moment. Besides, I was not worried about my troops. My men were ready. In a way, I couldn’t wait to get to the borders. There was only black and white in a battle. Kill or be killed. Somehow it was easier to fight in a war than to deal with all the stress of city life. It would be good to get blood on my hands again. At least I wouldn’t think about Túron while I was engaged in battle.


	7. Chapter 7

What is it about firing arrows at targets that is so soothing? I could have stood there all day, lost in my concentration, feeling the softness of the fletching against my cheek, the tightness of the bowstring cutting into my calloused fingers, and the release of tension when I let my arrow fly. There was something satisfying about the sound my arrow made as it sunk into the target, and seeing it within the inside circle, close to center. Being a Captain had its rewards, but I missed being just a regular soldier.

I had said something similar to Romon, as we took turns firing our bows. The tension I’d felt from him earlier seemed to be dissipating. He was actually enjoying himself, and so was I. We spoke no more of daily problems, at least for the moment. All we did was talk about technique, and show each other our skills.

It was the end of the day, and when everyone else left the training grounds, I asked that Romon stay behind with me. I think we needed some mindless practice to allow us to relax. Funny thing was, we didn’t know the specifics of each other’s problems, but we knew there were difficulties. I think it helped us to connect. Although Romon was one of my men, and a very important one at that, we really hadn’t spent personal time with each other. I learned that he was raised very much in the same manner as I was, a strong background in soldiering. The odd thing was, it was his uncles who were soldiers, and their sons. Romon’s father was a musician. He’d never felt the pull of battle, let alone held a weapon. His talent was to sooth the warrior soul with a lullaby. And so, Romon’s upbringing was a mixture of music and archery. It was an odd combination, but it worked. He understood not only war and strategy, but the poetic uses of technique. He had remarkable patience, unlike many young elves at this stage. Most just wanted to get to the borders and engage in war. Romon wanted that too, but he had an ear for the sounds of war, not just the sights. I found that I could not wait to pick his brain and understand his views better. I thought that if I could really get inside his head and see how his thought process worked, see how his ear for music related to his ear for war, then perhaps I could use this as a training tool for the rest of my men. As archers, it was a perfect situation. My regiment’s position in battle would be mainly held to the trees, where we would have the best overview of the battle below us, and then we could help the ground troops from our aerial positions. I wanted us to be able to predict our enemy’s actions better, so that we could exterminate more orcs before the swordsmen ran in to battle. And I thought that if I could tap into Romon’s use of sounds, that my troops could use more than their eyes to search the forest floor below.

I thought I would use this as our conversation piece once we arrived at my office. Then perhaps we could slowly work our way to the center of his problems as of late. Romon was unwilling to discuss his private affairs. I didn’t blame him. I wouldn’t have done so myself when I was a new recruit. I did, however, know what it was like to have troubles and not have anyone to discuss them with.

We entered my office and I pointed to a chair next to the hearth. It was summer, and too warm for a fire, but I had arranged several candles within the fireplace. While Romon got comfortable with his surroundings, I lit the candles, giving the room a certain charm by the soft glow of light. I had always found fire to have a calming quality, and I hoped it would work with my guest. So while I busied myself with the fireplace, I asked him to describe his use of sounds.

“Well, I’m not sure exactly how I do it,” he began. “I mean, there are the usual forest sounds that everyone listens for, the calls of birds or the chattering of squirrels and chipmunks. But there are no animals to use as warning when enemies are close by. The forest creatures will have been gone for days in advance. They are very susceptible to danger, and they will not risk it.”

“Then what do you listen for?” I asked, lighting the last candle and standing back to see my handiwork. Satisfied of the illumination, I went to my desk to check and see if I had any messages awaiting my attention.

“Well, orcs are very clumsy, and they are not careful of their tread. An elf can hear them approaching from a long ways off. But if you ever pick apart the sounds they make as they walk, it’s possible to determine from which direction they will approach. As you know, the forest can throw sounds, as the reverberations will bounce off of rocks and trees. We can get a general idea of their location, but I’m able to pinpoint exactly where they are,” he explained. He seemed eager to share his methods, and I was just as eager to listen. “For example, have you ever listened to the trees?”

I smiled as I sorted through a small stack of messages. “Of course, all the time, though many are so old they have forgotten how to speak to the elves, and their language is so ancient that I do not understand them.”

“Um … that’s … not … exactly what I meant, but . . . Are you saying you can actually speak to the trees, Captain?” he asked, curiously sidetracked from his explanation.

“It’s a gift.” I had a sudden vision of Túron and I talking about this same subject. It made my heart sink to think about him, and I curved my emotions quickly.

“That’s amazing, if you don’t mind my saying so. Not all elves obtain such skills.”

“So I’ve been told. But do go on. I’m curious to know about your own skills,” I said trying to turn the conversation back towards him.

“Oh, yes … well, what I meant was, different trees have different sounds. It all depends on their wood. If you tap on an oak, it sounds different than tapping on a pine or a beech. Same can be said for the rustling of their leaves or the breaking of branches.”

“That’s quite intriguing,” I said, looking up from my notes for a moment. “So you’re saying that if someone steps on a fallen branch of, say … a cedar, you could distinguish it from the breaking of a branch from an ash?”

“Exactly!” he cried, happy to have someone who actually understood his way of thinking. “Cedar is a soft wood, and it makes more of a cracking sound, while ash is harder and has a sharp snap. As long as you know the layout of the forest, you’ll know where the enemy is by what trees grow in that area.”

While he was explaining, my eye caught sight of a note lying to the edge of my desk, away from the others. I picked it up, and noticed right away the emblem on the wax seal. It was from the scribe’s office. My heart leapt to my throat. I listened to Romon for a moment, and he was in deep explanation about the different trees and their breakage sounds. I returned my attention to the letter, broke the seal, and carefully pulled at the bottom fold, looking for a signature. There is was, the distinctive T that I recognized as Túron’s handwriting. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily. I couldn’t do this now. Whatever he had to say to me would distract me from my guest, and I felt I owed it to Romon to carry on with our conversation. Besides, I wanted to gain his trust so that he might open up to me and tell me his concerns. I’d been waiting for days to hear from Túron, but now that there was correspondence in my hand, I became scared to read it. If it was rejection, I didn’t think I could handle that right now. I still had hope in my heart. I didn’t want that destroyed just yet, so I folded the letter and pushed it beneath the stack of notes to read at a later time.

“Not now, Túron,” I whispered silently, but not quietly enough.

“What was that?” Romon asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I must say, I find this very interesting, Romon. I think your knowledge will be useful with the troops, if you are willing to share with them.”

“I would agree wholeheartedly, Captain, though it is not all that easy to learn if one does not have an ear.”

“I think just the basics can be taught, and perhaps in the short amount of time that is left before we strike out for the borders. Wouldn’t you agree?” I asked.

“Yes, Captain,” he answered eagerly. 

“Well now, you can finish telling me about this skill while I pour us some wine,” I said, and I went to the shelf where I kept my private stock. My usual red was there, but another bottle sat to the side. I didn’t recognize it, and I knew I hadn’t put it there. “For a job well done,” it said, written on a rolled up parchment wrapped around the neck of the bottle. It must have been from Haldir. I hadn’t had a chance to read his report on the inspection of my troops, but he hadn’t approached me in person. So I figured everything must have gone well. Nice of him to send me some refreshment, though. He knew how I liked to sit and read my messages while enjoying a glass of wine. I could always count on Haldir to see that I continued my personal traditions.

I uncorked the bottle, and poured out two glasses, which I brought back to Romon. He took the offered glass and settled back into his chair, and I joined him in the matching chair by the hearth. I raised my glass and so did Romon. “Here’s to our futures,” I toasted and we drank deep. The wine was delicious, but it was not familiar. Haldir must have ordered it special, had it hidden away for such an occasion. I felt guilty, as though he should have been here to share in the toast. At least I had Romon’s company.

After we finished our silent observations of the wine, Romon took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Captain,” he addressed me with inquiry. “What will it be like at the borders?”

It was the one question that burned in the minds of all new recruits. Fear of the unknown was always an issue, and until a soldier experienced it for his own, he would never know the true feeling of battle. “Well, it will be tense, and there will always be a certain level of awareness. You’ll find that all of your senses will be heightened, even when trouble is not near. Somehow, you learn to live with that sensation. It becomes second nature. But never ignore the hairs that stand up on the back of your neck,” I warned. “It’s the waiting that is exhausting. Battle is battle. You enter into a fight and you do what you’ve been trained to do. You stay alive, and you extinguish your enemy. In some ways, the fighting is easier than the waiting.”

“I think I can understand that,” he agreed. “But what do you do to pass the time?”

I took another drink of my wine, settling into the warmth as it traveled through my chest and to my belly. The sensation was very comforting. I’d have to ask Haldir where this particular vintage came from and order more. “Everyone passes the time differently. Some whittle carvings, some play games with dice or cards. You can only string your bow so many times, you know,” I laughed. “It’s a good time to make more arrows. Lots of the men tend to do that. Other’s keep a journal or write letters to loved ones.”

I heard him sigh, and knew I’d struck a nerve. “Not everyone has someone to write to,” he said softly under his breath.

“No, not everyone,” I said in agreement. His head lifted slightly, but he did not look at me. He seemed almost ready to share his problems with me, but he was still hesitant. I took another sip of my wine, feeling myself loosen and relax, like my insides were turning to liquid. Would he think it odd if I stretched out on the floor in front of the hearth? I laughed internally at the thought.

“Can I ask a personal question, Captain?” he asked. Here it finally was, the reason for his dismal mood as of late.

“Yes.”

“How do you handle being alone? Not to imply that you, personally, are alone, sir. I just mean, how do you get by day after day at the borders while loved ones are so far away?”

“My loved ones are with me. My brothers will be at the borders with the rest of the army.”

“I understand that, sir, but what about … others?” he asked carefully.

“For me, there is no one,” I admitted openly. I was surprised to hear the words come out. Until now, I hoped that something might still exist between Túron and I. The fact that I couldn’t bring myself to read his note was enough proof that I wanted to keep that hope alive. But now, I wondered if it was evidence that I wished to be done and move on. I finished the wine in my glass and spoke before I realized what I was saying. “I thought I had something real for once, but again my life as a soldier took precedence over a chance at true love.” I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Romon about this. Somewhere deep down, I knew it was wrong to discuss personal dilemmas with one of my men, let alone a new recruit, but I just couldn’t help the emotions that were boiling over, like a pot of water left over the fire for too long. I stood and went to retrieve the bottle of wine, looking for an escape. “I apologize. It is wrong for me to speak so openly.” I poured another glass, filling it almost full, and when I turned to go back to my chair, I found Romon standing beside me, empty glass in hand. I poured more for him also.

“I’m actually glad you have. I believe we have something in common, for someone has recently broken my heart, too,” Romon admitted as he stared into his wine.

“It’s not my first loss, mind you, but it is the first one I’ve lost that really mattered.” I didn’t know what came over me, but it felt so freeing to be able to admit this to someone. Until now, I’d only discussed my feelings with Túron, but never to anyone else. Now he was gone, and the turmoil within my heart was mine to deal with alone.

Romon went to the hearth, and placed his free hand upon the mantle. His head hung down as he gazed into the candles’ dancing flames. “We were in love. We thought we could manage our relationship and the army, but when we were separated, I still made an effort, yet . . .” His words faded as he spoke. Then he stood silent, staring into the yellow orange glow of the hearth. When he came out of his brief trance, he took a big swallow from his glass. “To Udûn with it,” he uttered fiercely. His eyes lifted to meet mine, their blue-green hue flashing dangerously in the candlelight. “I tried to make it work, but he did not.” Upon revealing himself and his preference, Romon gasped and looked as though he’d stumbled upon his own execution.

In that one moment, I felt what Romon was feeling … the need to confess the truth, to be able to tell someone exactly what problems laid before him instead of coating it with anonymous references. I’d spent most of my life avoiding this affirmation, and I’d become good at it, but hearing Romon say it without any inhibitions made me want to confess my own and be seen as imperfect. Yet, that’s not what we were, was it? We were not immoral because we loved someone of the same sex. We were not harming anyone, or bringing injustice to the army because of our choices. We had loving hearts that just wanted a chance to know what it felt like to have someone in our lives that we knew we could trust with our souls. It didn’t mean we were any less of a soldier than the elf who went home to a wife and child.

“What have I done?” Romon said worriedly. “What have I said?” He looked at me with pleading eyes. “You’re going to report me now, aren’t you?”

I did the only thing I knew to do in this situation. I stepped up to Romon and cupped his face in my gentle hand. “No, Romon. I would never do that.”

We looked at each other with mirrored wonder. Romon and I were the same. We needed someone to talk to, someone to understand us, and our eyes spoke volumes about one another. “It was my fault, I’m afraid. I took you from him, didn’t I? At the Choosing, when I called upon you to change to my regiment, I saw you glance back at someone, an ellon. I saw the dismay upon your face, and I knew.”

“Are there others that know?” he asked.

“That depends. Have you been threatened?” I wondered if the same scoundrel who was watching me was watching Romon, too.

He shook his head, and my hand came away from his face. Suddenly, I felt weightless. Everything looked as though I were seeing through water; my vision would focus for a moment and then blur and ripple. Romon morphed between himself and Túron, and I realized something. “You … remind me of him,” I said automatically. “Your hair.” I involuntarily reached out and took a lock of in between my fingers, reveling in the smooth coolness of the strands. “It is so much like his.” It must have been the wine, I thought to myself. It was making me drunk, and with my emotions out of control and the harshness of the last two days . . .

“Silef liked it when I did that to his hair,” Romon observed. He didn’t move away, but instead, he closed what little space was between us. He must have been drunk, too.

It’s unclear what came over me, or what came over both of us as we spoke of our lovers. As we described them, our hands and fingers drew to touch one another in those places. And every time I gave an account of how lovely something of Túron’s was, it morphed into that very vision. I wondered if the same thing was happening to Romon. It seemed like it was, for he touched me sensually, as though I was his lover. I couldn’t distinguish the differences anymore. Soon, it was Túron standing before me. All I wanted was to feel his touch, to hear him tell me everything was going to be fine. We no longer spoke to one another, but we communicated with our hands, touching each other intimately. And then, his lips were upon mine, red, full lips that tasted like the richness of the wine. My body heated to an unbearable degree. I needed to feel Túron’s flesh upon mine, to disappear into the oneness of coupling with my lover. I could feel his desire for me against my own, through the thin fabric of our leggings. His tongue slipped along the edge of my ear, sending tendrils of arousing static down my spine, making me pulsate with life. Unable to control my cravings a moment longer, I shoved him against the wall. My body pushed against his, and I devoured his mouth, tongues entwined, tasting, longing for much more. He writhed against me and I kissed him harder. My hands roamed to the laces of his leggings. His began searching for a way into my tunic, flesh needing to touch naked flesh. Our breathing had become erratic, and we moaned with need. I no longer knew what was real and what wasn’t. All I saw was Túron before me in my watery world of illusion. The heat between us was real, as well as the sensation of touch. I wanted him desperately, and he was ready to yield to me. I kissed him along his neck and jaw, finding his swollen lips parted and hungry. And as I covered his mouth with mine, I heard the door open, but I didn’t care. I would have this tantalizing creature convulsing beneath me as I thrust every inch of my . . .

“Rúmil!” someone called in a demanding voice.

Who was this pest, I wondered through my lustful haze. I didn’t flinch, but kept on with my ministrations. I couldn’t stop now or I might burst.

“Rúmil, you must stop this at once,” said the nuisance.

Without missing a beat, I waved my hand behind me, trying to fend off my interrupter. “Not now, you wretched fop. Can’t you see that Túron and I are about to–”

“Rúmil, look at me,” said this scourge of an elf. A hand gripped my shoulder, pulling me away from the object of my desire, and I thought my vision had doubled.

“Túron?” I said, confused. I looked back to the one whose lips had just been on mine, and he wasn’t Túron. “What?” I closed my eyes and tried to refocus.

“We don’t have long. You must leave. Is there another way out of here?” said the real Túron.

“What is happening to me?” My head began to swirl.

“Didn’t you get my note?” Túron asked. Without waiting for an answer, he rushed to my desk and searched through the papers.

I shook the fuzziness from my head and concentrated on Túron, but someone was pawing at me, groping for my flesh, cupping me, bringing me standing again. I was about to turn and embrace him, fondle him as he was doing to me, and finally take my gratification. I was still under the influence of the wine.

“Damn it, Rúmil,” Túron berated me. I saw him take his note back, and he stuffed it into my pocket. Then he pulled me away from ethereal Túron, and he shoved me.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

“You’ve been drugged. The wine, it was laced with some kind of hallucinogenic herb. It heightens your sexual desire and makes you see whoever it is you want to see,” the real Túron explained. He was looking desperately around the office, pushing the other Túron … wait … no, Romon … pushing Romon in different directions.

Suddenly, the doorknob started to twist. I looked to Túron and he looked at me. Then time slowed down and everything went to pot. As the doorknob rattled, Túron pushed me towards the door, and I fell onto a small table that sat next to it, making a loud clatter. I stumbled, but caught myself before I fell to the floor. Next, he grabbed Romon and pushed him against the wall. To my astonishment, Túron kissed him hard and fervently. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, but whatever was in the wine was still affecting my judgment. It might have been another hallucination, but what happened next made me realize that all of this was actually happening.

The door almost burst off its hinges and Raenor, along with two of his cronies, charged into my office. Before he was even in the room, he was yelling my name, demanding that I stop what I was doing. Midway through his threat of bringing down the laws of the army upon my head, he stopped and stared drop-jawed at Romon and Túron, who were all over each other, kissing and touching. Obviously, Romon was still in his opiate driven illusion. Túron, who I was sure hadn’t drank any of the wine, was playing along, writhing against Romon, moaning.

“Rúmil, I demand that you–” Raenor yelled, bringing himself up short. It only took him a second to see me standing by the door. It looked as though I had just come in myself, and caught my ex-assistant with my best new recruit. I was completely dumbfounded, and remained silent. My legs were giving out on me, so I stumbled to the nearby seat and collapsed. My elbows rested on my knees and I planted my head in my hands. When would the spinning stop? The contents of my stomach were desperately trying to find their way up and out, but I swallowed and calmed myself quickly.

By now, the two elves with Raenor had separated Túron and Romon, each guard holding them in a vicelike grip. I couldn’t look, for fear that I might give myself away. There were parts of my body that weren’t cooperating, especially in the lower region. Not even this invasive situation could make my rigid flesh go placid. Whatever was in the wine worked extremely well, and it worked no matter how fiercely I concentrated. There were worse things to worry about at the moment.

Raenor seemed confused, and he looked back and forth from me to the others. “What in the name of the Valar is going on here?”

“I … I don’t know,” I stammered. The act of opening my mouth to speak made my stomach want to spill its contents. I couldn’t do this, not now.

“Well, I’ll tell you what it looks like to me,” Raenor accused. “I’d say something fiendish is taking place.” He pointed to Túron and Romon. “These two are carrying on like deviants, and you are sitting here watching it instead of stopping them. Look at you. The blood’s all rushed out of your face, gone somewhere lower, I imagine.”

I hadn’t the strength to argue with him, nor to stand up for myself. I was beginning to feel very sick, and I was about to tell Raenor that, when Haldir came rushing into the room, and he answered for me.

“Can’t you see my brother is in shock!” he called out with harshness in his tone. Thank the gods he was here, though I was confused as to why.

“Ai, in shock … my arse,” Raenor answered pugnaciously. He rounded on Haldir, abandoning everyone else in the room. “Seems as though he’s no respect for army laws, sitting here in participation to this military crime.”

“And what might you be doing here anyways, Raenor. This is not your district,” Haldir implicated.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m taking care of what you seem to be blind to. You know our laws. There will be no fraternizing between soldiers. But this . . .” He looked back at me, determined to ruin me. “This is more than enough to have your brother decommissioned.”

Haldir went to Raenor and brought himself face to face with his foe. “You bloody bastard,” he seethed. “That’s what you were after all along, isn’t it? For years, you’ve tried to find some reason to see me tossed out of the army, and when you failed, you thought you’d go after my brother.”

“I’ve heard things about Rúmil,” Raenor accused.

“Lies! And unless you have solid proof, I’ll not stand here and bandy words with the likes of you.” Haldir turned and looked at all of us. “As for those two, I’ll not argue that something … immoral … has taken place here, and I will deal with them myself. But leave my brother out of your witch hunt.”

“Well then, all he needs is to answer a few simple questions,” Raenor said with austerity.

“I’ll not have you badger him,” Haldir defended. I could see that I was going to have to say something in order to end these accusations. I would have to stick to the truth as best I could, and not divulge too much.

“It’s alright. I’ll answer for myself,” I managed to finally say.

Haldir came to me, leaned down as if to check me over, and whispered in my ear. “Simple answers only. I don’t trust him.”

“Let me handle this,” I said, and I pushed Haldir away. He knew that I understood what he meant.

Raenor gave my brother a smug look and approached me. “What were you doing here?”

I smiled arrogantly. “It’s my office. I have a right to be here.”

“And what about these two?”

“I asked that Romon come to my office to discuss his performance. He’s been … lacking as of late.”

“And what about the other one, your friend?”

I dared a glance at Túron, and our eyes locked briefly. He gave me the slightest notion of a nod, as though to say it was alright for me to continue “He … was … a friend.” The truth was, I didn’t really know. I hadn’t heard from him in days, not since he confronted me about my request for a new assistant.

“And just why is he here? He is not under your employment anymore. He should not be on the base at all.” Raenor was shifting his interrogation, trying to put Túron and I together, but I was too smart to fall for his line of questioning.

“You’re right.” I turned to Túron with a harsh eye. “He should not be here.”

Raenor glanced at Túron. “Mind explaining why you are here in the Captain’s office with one of his men performing this nefarious act?”

“Don’t you mean, why wasn’t he with me?” I denounced, trying to figure out why he had showed up when he did.

Raenor gave me an accusatory glare. His slit eyes could not fool me. He came expecting to find me with someone, whether it was Romon or Túron, and have me ousted.

“That’s enough, Raenor,” Haldir interrupted. “You asked your questions. I’ll take it from here. Go back to your own regiment.”

“You’ll be sure to know the Lord and Lady will be notified of this mishap,” Raenor threatened as he signaled for his men to follow him from the office. I could hear the slightest bit of worry in his voice, and I thought that all this was only an act. Raenor was involved somehow, and if he was, last thing he would do was to go to the Lord and Lady.

We waited until Raenor was gone. Haldir led them to the door and watched him disappear. When he came back into my office, he went right to Túron, which surprised me. I thought for sure he would address me first.

“What is going on?” Haldir demanded.

“It’s not what it looks like, I assure you. We were right to assume that Raenor was involved, but I’m not so sure he is responsible for this.” Túron picked up my wine glass and handed it to Haldir. There was a small amount of wine in the bottom. He handed the glass to Haldir, and my brother took it, sniffed and dabbed his finger inside. He touched it to his tongue and furrowed his brows immediately.

Meanwhile, Túron, who was behaving soberly now that Raenor was gone, retrieved the bottle from the shelf and sniffed. “Moon flower,” he said with some kind of knowledge that I hadn’t known he’d had. He was a servant. What could he possibly know about herbs, especially illusive ones?

“Moon flower?” Haldir asked. He looked up and saw the bottle in Túron’s hand. “That is a very rare plant. It only grows in certain places, and it is very difficult to retrieve.” Haldir turned to me and took my face in his hand, turning my head this way and that as he looked into my eyes. “Did you drink any of this?”

He released me and I nodded and looked to the floor. “I … I thought it was a gift … from you. There was a note attached.”

“Where?” Haldir didn’t wait for me to answer before he was at the shelf looking for the note. He found it and looked it over carefully. “It is a good forgery.” As though piecing a puzzle, Haldir looked from one to the other. Then his eyes darted from the bottle to Romon and finally to me. Was it sorrow or disappointment that I saw form in his eyes? I looked away, ashamed, confused, and betrayed. Haldir turned from me and regarded Túron once more. “You found them then?”

Túron nodded in answer, and it suddenly occurred to me that he and Haldir spoke to each other in a familiar manner. “I’d been trailing Raenor, and when I learned where he was heading, I charged off ahead of him.” Túron glanced at me, and then back to Haldir. “I came in and saw them . . .”

“So you took my brother’s place,” Haldir said.

“There was no time, and I couldn’t let Raenor find Rúmil in that kind of compromising position,” Túron explained. Why were they behaving so familiar with each other?

Haldir still seemed confused by this turn of events. Túron could see this, too, and he went on with his explanations. “I’m fairly sure that Raenor knew about the wine, but I’m even more convinced that he did not supply it. The bottle was almost gone. There were two glasses. I could not let him discover that it had been Rúmil who drank it.”

Haldir lifted his chin in cognizance of the situation. “Unfortunately, Raenor has seen you. This will not bode well, and not for you either, Romon.”

Romon looked sickly, and I didn’t think he had quite comprehended anything that had happened thus far. Túron, however, seemed less worried for himself, and more concerned for me. “It was Rúmil that I fretted for the most. I know how important the army is to him. I couldn’t let him be ruined.” As he spoke, his eyes rested on me, and a trace of the love we had recently admitted still lingered within. I knew his reasons were for more than just my military career.

“Well, we know Raenor is responsible for this, but there is still the mystery of the wine. If Raenor did not place it here, then who did?” Haldir concluded. 

While my brother and Túron discussed their findings, I began to rethink my earlier musings. Who could have helped Raenor complete his mission to ruin our family? It had to have been someone who knew enough about me as to give Raenor enough suspicion to follow out his plan. Yet he did not give away my secret completely. Whoever it was must have known that it would mean an end to my career as well as Haldir’s and even Orophin’s, though he was not involved in any of this. The question was … was he after ruining Haldir or me? He was working with Raenor, and Raenor was out for Haldir’s banishment. That goal began to fall apart after Raenor was finally promoted to the March Warden’s position that he’d always wanted. Of course, it was with the Eastern Border Guard, but I don’t think that would have mattered much. Obviously, Raenor still wanted to hurt my brother, and when he could not find anything to hold against him, he decided to go after me. I just couldn’t see Raenor wanting to take things this far. Not unless he had a solid reason for doing it. That’s where the mystery elf comes in. Set on his own agenda, he reignited Raenor’s original wicked intentions, and helped him from the shadows. He didn’t want to get caught, leaving all of the attention to Raenor.

While I contemplated this mystery, Haldir flagged down a guard passing through the hall. He asked that Romon be escorted to a healer, on account that he was not feeling well. The tainted wine seemed to affect him in a worse way than it did me. As I was the one filling our glasses, I remembered filling his once more than my own. Guilt began to ebb through my chest, even though I hadn’t known the wine was tampered with.

Moon flower, I thought to myself. I’d heard the name before, but a very long time ago. I knew nothing about herbs, outside of the most common ones. It obviously made one hallucinate, and it preyed on a person’s desires. It would have to be an aphrodisiacal herb. However, it also caused Romon and I to become sick to our stomachs. Poison? I considered this a moment and suddenly I remembered where I’d heard of moon flower.

“Rúmil,” Túron said from behind, causing me to lose my train of thought. I hadn’t heard him approach, and with Haldir and Romon out of the room, he was taking the interrupted moment to confront me. “I need to explain.”

With everything that was going on, I hadn’t had time to think about Túron’s reason for coming here in the first place. He’d known about the wine, and he behaved as though he knew my brother better than I had thought. I could tell by the apologetic look on his face that he had something important to confess.

“The wine, Haldir showing when he did, your act to save me from exposure … how did you know any of this?” I asked. There was no smile upon my face, and I buried my emotions as deep as I could. I realized that Túron was not who he said he was. “You’re no servant, are you?”

He knelt down before me, his eyes keeping a wary look on the door as he spoke. “Rúmil, we need to talk.”

My equilibrium came back, but it left me with a throbbing headache. It was actually a good sign. I recovered quickly once I had stopped drinking the wine. It gave me hope that Romon would recover too. Remembering a temporary solution for headaches, I pushed the heels of my palms against my closed eyes until bright flashes, like shooting stars, appeared in the darkness behind my lids. Not only did it help to tame the pounding in my head, it kept me from having to look at Túron. “Just tell me what is going on.” I felt him gently take my hands and lower them from my face.

“I am not a servant,” he finally answered honestly.

“Then who are you?” I asked, my eyes squinting as though they needed protection from the sun. But before he could answer, Haldir came back into the office.

“How is Romon?” I asked, abandoning our conversation for the sake of secrecy.

“I think he will be alright. He just needs rest and a quiet place to do so. The healers will take care of him.” Haldir looked from me to Túron, who was still kneeling before me. He cast a stern look, and Túron stood quickly.

“We need to find out where the wine came from,” Túron said to bring the situation back at hand.

“I agree, but we can’t ask Raenor. He knows we are onto his scheme. He’ll not reveal any names.” Haldir went to Túron with a look of malcontent. “Are you going to tell me how Raenor knew he would find my brother in a compromising position with this young recruit?”

Túron looked as though he wished to disappear through the grooves between the wooden floor planks. It was obvious to me that Haldir didn’t know everything that was going on around here either. That made two of us, and I began to wonder if Túron was a suspect. I didn’t want to think this, but I couldn’t help it.

After what seemed like hours, Túron sighed and his shoulders slumped in capitulation. “It wasn’t supposed to be Romon.” He looked away from Haldir, and focused on my face. “It was supposed to be me.”

“But I requested your reassignment,” I added. So I had been the target all along, and so had Túron.

“Then how does Romon work into any of this?” Haldir questioned.

Feeling my strength return, though my head still hurt, I stood and went to my desk, shuffling through papers. I had no idea what I was looking for, but the answer was in my thoughts. “Romon’s skills have been suffering lately. I asked him to come to my office to discuss it. He told me that someone he’s been involved with for many years has recently left him. It was … sudden … and unexpected. He’s been suffering from the loss for days.” I looked to Haldir. “About as long as Túron has been gone.”

“It’s true,” Túron added. “I’ve been looking into things, and it seems as though the two occurrences comply with each other. When Rúmil let me go, threats were made to Romon’s lover. He broke off the relationship before they were both discovered and discharged permanently from the army.”

“You seem to know an awful lot about everyone,” I accused. I turned to Haldir. “And you are alright with this?”

Haldir gave Túron a glance, and I knew right away that they had kept something from me. “Rúmil, I–”

“Let me tell him,” Túron interrupted. “Will you give us a moment?”

Haldir furrowed his brows and watched each of us in turn. “Only a moment,” he said and left the room.

Túron came to me and laid his hand upon my arm. I moved away from him. All I wanted was an explanation. I wanted the truth as to what was going on around here. Túron felt me recoil and chose to treat my aloofness with respect by staying away from me. I walked across the room, crossed my arms and scowled. “If you are not a servant, then who are you?”

“I am a scout and a spy. Your brother hired me to keep a watch out for you, and to spy on Raenor. When you were promoted to a Captain position, he worried that Raenor would come after you, and he was right in his assumptions.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Shock made me go numb all over, and my heart hardened as I felt like a fool. “And was getting me into bed part of your façade?”

His eyes danced in the candlelight, a small bit of mirth for my brave comment. Just as quickly, they flitted away to hide the sadness that replaced his previous emotion. “I guess I deserved that.” He came to me then, but I did not move from my protective stance. I’d built my wall, and he knew he could not pass unless his words tore out the first bricks. “This is the honest truth. Haldir hired me. The night we met was all a set up. I befriended you so that I could get close enough to keep watch over you. Through my investigations, I learned that Raenor was beginning to enforce certain rules by having some of his men watch for suspicious behavior among the soldiers. It was right about the same time that my orders were changed, and I was made your assistant. I’m still not sure who was responsible for that, but whoever it was knew about us, or at least suspected something. Haldir thought it best to let things play out, but then, you unexpectedly received that warning and had me reassigned to another service. Haldir and I both thought it best to let everyone think we’d had a falling out with our friendship, and in turn I hoped it would cast away the wary eyes set upon us by Raenor.”

I was so angry that I barely registered what he’d said. “It was all a front. None of it was real. Basically, you were paid to be my friend, to tell me lies, to … to sleep with me.”

“It started out as a job, yes, but … Rúmil, please believe me when I say that I never lied to you.” His eyes locked on mine, and try as I might, I couldn’t stop my soul from calling out to him. “I know you felt it, Rúmil. I felt it too. What started out as another assignment, became unexpectedly so much more. I knew it the moment I saw you. I sensed that you had a very kind and loving soul, Rúmil, something I’ve searched for my whole life. Suddenly I was not playing a game. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to protect you. I wanted all of you, and not because I’d been hired. I know what I did was wrong, and that I broke the first rule of spying; never become emotionally involved with your charge. But I couldn’t stop what my heart had already claimed. I thought that if we could just get through all of this, then I could tell you the truth, and by that time you’d love me enough to forgive me.”

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you, Túron. You played upon my vulnerabilities. I told you things that I’ve never told anyone. I trusted you with my heart and my life. And now I find out that it was all part of a bigger plan, a set up to catch a wrongdoer.”

“I know what this must look like to you, but–”

“Do you?” I interrupted. “Do you really know? Because if you do, then you must know that you’ve not a dwarf’s chance in Mordor of seeing this situation end in any other way than badly. I’ve been deceived by the one elf that I thought I could spend eternity with. That’s what it looks like from my perspective.” I glanced at the shelf and saw the bottle of wine still sitting there. “Did you use me? Did you let me and Romon drink that wine in order to catch Raenor?”

“Of course not,” Túron defended himself. “I tried to warn you.” He nodded to the pocket of my tunic. “The letter I sent, read it.”

I took it out slowly, and unfolded the paper. Reading it, I discovered that he was telling the truth. It was a short note warning me not to drink anything, especially something that looked like a gift. “How did you know?” I asked.

“Remember the night at the dining hall, and you found the warning in your napkin? I went after the servant girl while you followed Beldor. She was responsible for leaving the message, but she had other information.” Túron went on to tell me that someone had come around asking to retain a bottle of wine, the same wine that Haldir was known to favor, but he was refused. That particular vintage was reserved by Haldir, part of his private collection. When Túron later followed up on his lead, he learned that after continued persistence, the girl gave in and snuck a bottle out of the kitchen, giving it to the mystery elf. She had no description of him. He had dressed in bulky robes and a hood to hide his identity. Finding it very suspicious, Túron assumed that the wine would be used in some deceitful plan. He befriended someone from the messenger’s office, found out that the wine was being delivered to me, and sent the note that I now held in my hand. By the time it was all said and done, the bottle had already left the hands of its messenger and sat upon my shelf. Unsure whether or not I had even read his note, Túron decided to risk a meeting and warn me in person. But while on his way to my office, he spied Raenor and two of his men heading there also. “I knew it had to be a set-up, and figured the wine had been tampered with. I got there as quickly as possible, barely making it before Raenor arrived. You know the rest.” Túron finished his explanation and closed the distance between us. “If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t have pushed you away and let Raenor find me with Romon instead you. I exposed myself to save your reputation. I couldn’t let Raenor find you like that.”

“Only because my brother was paying you to protect me,” I stated, my words tainted with a venomous edge.

“No, Rúmil, I did it because I know how important your career and your family is to you, and because I love you enough to sacrifice my own exposure in order to save you from any kind of harm or humiliation. It didn’t matter what anyone might think of me. Only your opinion mattered. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make.”

“A sacrifice?” I asked, feeling my ire begin to diminish. I did love him. That was something that I could not change.

“Raenor has seen me. He knows which way I lean. He will probably tell others soon, and word will get around quickly.” Túron shook his head and closed his eyes. “If anyone sees us together now–”

“They’ll assume the same of me,” I finished for him. It all began to sink in at once. Túron purposefully exposed himself with Romon in a desperate attempt to keep me safe and protect my secret. But in doing so, it meant that he had to let go of any chance we might have had together.

I slumped against the wall behind me, feeling like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I looked up at Túron after a while, and saw the love he held for me as well as the despair that we could never be together after all of this. He really had made the ultimate sacrifice to keep me safe, and it came at a price for us both.

“Couldn’t you have let me make my own decision about us?” I tried to reignite my anger, but I couldn’t, not after what he had admitted to. I knew there could have been no other way.

“You made your choice long ago, Rúmil. You love being a soldier. You thrive best in this environment, and you’re good at what you do. Lothlórien is very fortunate to have someone so dedicated as to put aside his personal life for the good of his people. It’s what I love most about you, but it’s also the reason I cannot have you.”

And just like that, it was over, but my heart would not accept the loss. What I’d felt for Túron was real, and it was tearing my soul to bloody shreds to think this was it. I found the strength not to let this show, but I knew my eyes could not disguise the truth. Túron looked into them now, and I turned away quickly. “Where will you go when this is all over?” I didn’t know what else to say, but the silence in the room had become much too weighted.

“Oh, I don’t know. Wherever someone needs my services, that’s where I’ll be. I never know from one day to the next. But I do know that this mystery has not been resolved just yet. There is still someone out there who wants to ruin your career, and I have to stop him,” Túron said. He managed to pick up the broken pieces of what we might have had together, tuck them away, and move on with matters at hand while I was still reeling on the inside. But, being a warrior trained to deal with sudden and shocking change, I picked my damaged soul up off the floor, and carefully put it away until I had time to mend the tears.

I’d abandoned my earlier contemplation about the moon flower used in the wine, but now I had a pretty good idea of who it was that was after me. “I believe I can help you find out who delivered the wine.”

“How?” Túron asked.

“Come to the gardens in a couple hours, to the gazebo. I think I know who this mystery elf might be. If I’m correct, we’ll be at our meeting spot, and I’ll need a witness to verify his confession.”


	8. Chapter 8

When I was very young, before the army, even before I discovered my desires for an ellon, I had a friend like no other, Fandir. We were very close in age, and we did everything together since the first day our mothers sent us out to play. We climbed trees, swam in the river, fished, hunted, anything we did, we did as a team. Inseparable we were, best friends to the ends of Arda.

I was at an age when the young elf girls started to notice me, but I had no care for them. They didn’t like to play the same games that I liked to play, and they were always trying to make me do what they preferred to do, which was to pretend to marry and play house. I wanted to pretend to kill trolls with my mighty stick sword, and cleanse the countryside of evil. Fandir agreed with my strategy, and so we spent many summer days in our make believe world. But there were always interruptions from the girls who tried to find ways to introduce their own agenda into our world. They wanted to be villagers who we could rescue or princesses in danger of being singed by a fire breathing dragon. We, of course, always said no. Fandir and I already knew how it would turn out. We would let the girls participate, and they would change the rules until we were no longer free elf men of our world. We would eventually be forced to save these princesses, even if we thought they were better off on the dragon’s fire pit, and told that the honorable thing was to marry, become king, and provide them with food, clothes, a castle, and many elflings. Fandir and I only fell for their trickery one time. After that, any and all ellith were forbidden to enter our part of the woods. I think that’s actually where I started my training as a border guard. Fandir and I had set up a perimeter, and no female whatsoever was allowed to pass into our realm.

Then one day, we were invaded by a trickster, a girl disguised as a boy, sent out by the other girls to obtain secret information about me and Fandir, and to report back about the weaknesses in our border defenses. Well, our biggest weakness was that it was only Fandir and I acting as guards, and our realm was quite large, starting at an ancient beech tree, and ending at the small creek that flowed from the rocks. We’d spent the better part of a day playing with who we thought was another boy like us, who just wanted to slay things, spill pretend blood, and reign as the most wise and powerful elves in Middle-earth. And I’ll tell you, it was the most fun I’d ever had.

It wasn’t until sundown, when Fandir and I were supposed to go home, that we learned we’d been playing the day away with a girl. Fandir was livid, but me … I was intrigued by her. Nimmil was her name, but I called her Nim. Her name meant small in Sindarin, as in frail. She was very thin, more so than the other ellith, and shorter than the others. Later I had learned that she was born too early, and barely survived. But Nim was a fighter, and always had been. No one ever told her she could not do something. If they did, she would prove them wrong. Her mother said the healers were the first to doubt her strength, saying there was nothing they could do for her, and that she would probably only live a day or two. Nim’s mother never gave up hope on her baby daughter, and poured all her love, strength and encouragement into the tiny soul. It worked, but at a price. Nim would always be slight and frail, but in looks only.

After discovering that she was a girl that day, Fandir chided her, and told her to never come back. I’ll never forget the look she gave him, cold as a steel blade, and as sharp as its edge. “Who passed from the world and made you king of the elves?” she responded without an ounce of fear. Fandir met her threat with his own narrow-eyed glare, but Nim would not back down. Another lesson I learned that I later used in my military career, how to be a mediator. Fandir didn’t want her around, but I did. I talked to both parties, made agreements, set rules, and when it was over, Nim was part of our regiment. She never did go back to the girls with any secrets, and from that day forward, she actually helped us keep them away. Eventually, the other girls gave up and left us alone to fight off pretend Wargs and trolls. It was the best summer I’d ever had, though Fandir would disagree.

Over the next few years, we’d become great friends, though Fandir and Nim still had their disagreements. It was up to me to see that they resolved their differences, and it usually worked, but there was always a certain amount of animosity between the two. Then, one day while we were role playing, something happened that changed us all. 

Fandir was elected to be the troll for a change; that role usually fell to me for some reason. It was up to Nim and me to hunt him down and kill him. The rule was, the hunters had to close their eyes and count to twenty while the troll ran off and hid. Reluctantly, Fandir played his part, and Nim and I sat behind a large boulder to count. As we did, we laughed and tried to mess each other up by saying the wrong numbers aloud. Nim had a contagious laugh, the kind that a person couldn’t help but laugh themselves after hearing her. I’m not sure how long we stayed behind the boulder, but I’m pretty sure it was longer than was necessary. We were just having some fun with each other. And then, she kissed me. It happened so fast I didn’t know what to think.

“Why did you do that?” I asked, clearly put off by her actions.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I thought you wanted me to.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” I complained. I could still feel her lips upon mine, and as I tried to act disturbed by it, I was discovering that I kind of liked it. Her lips had been soft and warm. It was a nice sensation, and secretly I wished to know the feeling again.

My reaction did not have the same effect on Nim, though. She got angry at me and stormed off through the woods. I stayed in my hiding place, trying to figure out what had transpired. Silly elf girls, I said to myself. I looked out from behind the boulder and watched Nim as she marched off back towards the flets in the trees. She was going home. I had upset her, and I felt bad about it. So I left the hiding spot, and forgot that I was supposed to be looking for Fandir, the troll. Just as I found Nim, marching very close to the edge of a sharp drop in the landscape, the ground gave way beneath her, and she lost her footing. She disappeared right before my very eyes.

“Nim!” I yelled, as I ran as fast as I could to where she fell. Careful not to get too close to the edge, I looked down, and there she was, half buried in dirt, sticks, and dead leaves. She was just lying there, about ten feet below, and she was not moving. I’d never been as scared in all my life as I was when I saw her body lying below. The first thing I thought about was how I was going to get down there.

“Fandir!” I called out, hoping he was not so far away that he could not hear me. I yelled for him again, but I could not wait until he showed. I had to get down to Nim. Looking around at the area where she fell, I saw lots of roots and rocks sticking out of the ground. I figured that was the quickest way down to her. Otherwise, I would have to trace along the edge of the drop off, looking for another way. The ground here was unstable, and I knew it might crumble again and take me with it as I tried to climb down. That also meant more debris would fall onto Nim. I was willing to take that chance, and I made my mind up to do it. Once more, I glanced around the area, but there was no sign of Fandir, so I began my descent.

I couldn’t help the dirt that fell from where I stepped, but there were no new landslides. I only slipped once, when I grabbed what I thought was a root, but turned out to be a loose stick. I knew how to climb though, always securing my next move before letting go of my current anchor. And then I was at the bottom. Nim had some cuts and scrapes on her face and arms. She was breathing, thank the Valar, but she was unconscious. I worried that she had hit her head, or something more serious had happened to her. I brushed her blond hair from her face and spoke to her, begging her to wake up. Finally, her eyes began to flutter and she coughed. She started to sit up and winced.

“Where does it hurt?” I asked.

“My ankle, I think I broke it, or maybe I just twisted it.”

That was a relief. “I was so scared when I looked down and saw that you weren’t moving,” I confessed. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry Nim.”

“Sorry for what?”

“If I had been nicer, you wouldn’t have run away, and you wouldn’t have fallen down here.”

Nim waved me off like she usually did when she was trying to ignore me. “I shouldn’t have kissed you, but I couldn’t help it. You’re kind of cute, Rúmil, but obviously, you’ve never been kissed before.”

“No,” I said shyly. “But it was rather nice, and I wouldn’t mind doing that again sometime.”

“You would? Really?” she asked, a blush of pink showing through the dirt on her face.

I’d been so worried for her, and now I was elated to know she was alright, for the most part. Nim was gazing at me as I was thinking this, and she pushed herself up and towards me. We kissed again, but this time I knew what to expect … and it was a lot better actually. It felt like a whole new world opened up to me that I needed to explore.

“Rúmil! Nim! Where’d you two go?” Fandir called from above. “Where did you–” His voice cut off sharply. He’d found us … kissing.

We pulled apart and looked up, finding Fandir at the top of the drop off. I pretended that nothing had happened between Nim and myself, and instead, stood and waved to him. “We’re down here. Nim fell and I came down to help her. I think she’s injured her ankle. We need to find a safer path back up.”

Fandir didn’t say a word. He didn’t even move at first. He just stood there looking from me to Nim, his dark brows drawn together in a definite scowl. It was mostly aimed towards me. He’d never warmed up much to Nim, and I thought he looked angry with me. Fandir was my best friend, and I think he thought that Nim would come between our friendship.

“You going to help or not?” I said, waiting for him to do something.

“I think I saw a place down this way,” he said a moment later. He climbed down carefully, and we helped Nim to stand. She couldn’t put any pressure on her ankle, but she could move it. With Fandir on one side and me on the other, we managed to slowly lead Nim out of there and take her home. Her mother was furious, but she was grateful that we helped Nim. While she was stuck at home nursing her ankle, things went back to normal for Fandir and I, and we spent every day in our woods, killing pretend trolls, wargs, and a new kind of foe … an evil witch.

* * * * *

One day, Fandir and I went for a swim in the river. We were floating around on our backs in the shallows, enjoying some of the last days of summer. The leaves were beginning to lose their luster, and they would soon start changing to the brilliant reds and yellows of autumn. The water was already beginning to feel cold, but we were elves, and that didn’t bother us too much.

“What was it like?” Fandir asked out of the blue.

I looked over to his lithe form. His dark brown hair looked black when it was wet, and it made his white skin pale in contrast. He was very thin and lanky. I was thin too, but I had more definition in my arms and legs. I already practiced swordplay with my brothers. Someday, I would become a warrior like my father. Fandir had no interest in that. I often wondered what that would mean for our friendship when we reached our majority and were expected to contribute to society.

“What was what like?” I asked in return.

“When you kissed Nim, what did it feel like?”

His question threw me off guard. I didn’t think he wanted to know anything about her. He usually spent his energy avoiding her. I shrugged my shoulders awkwardly. “I don’t know … warm and soft … moist.”

“Do you like her?”

“I guess so. I mean, I’ve always liked Nim. She’s not like the other girls,” I said hoping to avoid any more questions.

“That’s not what I meant,” Fandir murmured.

I huffed and stood waist deep in the water. “I know what you meant. I don’t know. I think I like her. When I kissed her, I got this strange feeling inside my chest and stomach, like a tightening and quivering of my muscles. It’s difficult to explain.”

Fandir remained silent, floating on his back, and staring into the blue sky above. “What about you?” I asked. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

His arms moved beneath the water, slow and graceful like an eagle in flight, and floated away from me. “No,” he grimaced. And then another moment later, he added, “But I have kissed a boy.”

I stared at him wide-eyed. “You did what?”

Fandir smiled and laughed, and dove beneath the water to escape any more of my questions. He disappeared into the deeper part of the river, but I traced a line of bubbles that popped at the surface. They stopped and I lost track of his movement. Then his dark head appeared across the other side. I waited for him to swim back, but he climbed out, and laid down on the flat rocks at the edge of the water. The sun shone on the rocks. It was a good place to warm up and dry off, if we were allowed to be on that side of the river, but we were forbidden.

“Fandir!” I called out to him. I could see the white of his teeth as he smiled. He turned his head to the side, eyes squinting against the sun, and waved me over. “We’re not supposed to go over there,” I reminded him.

Fandir and I swam here because it was in a part of the forest that was not overseen by Lothlórien guards. Our parents warned us against coming here, saying that it was too close to the edge of the unprotected areas. And we definitely weren’t allowed to cross the river. We chose to come here because no one else would, giving us an escape from the girls who liked to follow us. And even though we’d never seen an ounce of trouble here, we never went to the other side, until now.

I could see that he wasn’t listening to me, and if I wanted to continue our conversation, I would have to break the rules and follow him. I watched him for a moment. He adjusted his position, and pushed the white linen loin cloth down below his hips a bit so that the sun could warm as much exposed skin as possible. I was beginning to get a chill from floating in the water, and the sunny patch of rock was very tempting. Looking around me, and seeing nothing but trees, I decided to take the chance and join Fandir. When I reached the rocks on the other side, Fandir moved over and made a place for me to lay down next to him. The rocks felt wonderful, and I laid flat on my back to let the radiating heat warm me. Fandir had been there long enough that he flipped onto his stomach to let the sun warm his back.

“You’re shivering,” he observed.

My teeth were clenched tight, and I tried not to let it show. I was an elf, after all, and these kinds of things weren’t supposed to bother us. “I’ll w-warm up qui-quickly,” I stuttered.

We remained silent while our bodies regulated their temperature. I finally got to a point where I could flip onto my stomach. Fandir was playing with a leaf that he’d shaped to make it look like a pair of lips, and my mind went back to his earlier revelation. “Did you really kiss a boy?”

Fandir brought the leaf to his face, studying his handiwork, and nodded with an ornery smile.

“So what did that feel like?” I asked, same as he had done to me.

“Warm, wet, kind of soft, but not too much.” He brought the leaf to his lips and simulated the kiss.

“Did you … like it?” I was very curious, but I didn’t want to sound too eager to know.

He shrugged his shoulders, and a lock of dark brown hair fell forward. He pushed it back and gave me a sideways glance without actually looking into my eyes. “It was done on a dare and it was quick. I didn’t have time to let it register.”

“I don’t think I’d ever take that dare,” I said, wondering what led up to it all, and why an ellon would want to kiss another ellon.

“No?” Fandir said surprised. “Have you never wondered what it might be like?”

“And you have?” I returned with inquiry. “No,” I said after a while. “I haven’t even wondered about kissing a girl until recently. Why would I wonder about a boy?”

He ignored me and brought the lip shaped leave to my mouth. Then he huffed a laugh and put the leaf into the water. We watched it float along the current until it disappeared before either of us spoke again.

“Do you think she likes you?” Fandir asked. He put a slight emphasis on ‘she’. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought he was jealous. Perhaps his loathing towards her was all a front and he actually liked Nim. Maybe he wished that she liked him instead of me.

“I don’t know. I guess she does. I visit her every day while her ankle heals, and she’s always very happy to see me. Of course, it could be that we’re just friends and–”

“I think she’s more than a friend to you,” he interrupted. “As a matter of fact, I think you want to know if she feels the same way.”

That got me thinking, and perhaps Fandir was right. I often wondered if we’d get the chance to share another kiss. Since I’d tried it once, I wished to do it again, and pay better attention to the sensations the next time.

“Do you want to know if she likes you?” he asked.

“Yea, I do,” I finally admitted. “But I’m not just going to ask her.”

“Why not?”

“Because I like Nim as a friend too, and if she knows I like her in a different way and she doesn’t, then she might not want to be my friend anymore,” I explained. The answer was pretty obvious to me, and my tone reflected that. “Why do you care, anyways?” I asked, annoyed.

“You’re my best friend, Rúmil. I don’t want to see you get hurt, especially over a girl.”

“My brother, Orophin, says that there will be plenty of girls coming in and out of my life, and that I shouldn’t dwell on the ones that leave.”

“Yes, well, Orophin has too many girls, if you ask me. I don’t believe in having lots of relationships. I think there is someone special for each person, and that once they meet, their love will last forever,” he said dreamily. His hand dangled over the edge of the rock and traced the surface of the water, sending out ripples. Small minnows came up to inspect his fingertips, and Fandir led them around. It made me think of Orophin, and all his girlfriends. It didn’t seem right to string them along, following blindly as they waited for that one chance that he would pick one of them. I picked up a stick and swirled it near the tiny fish, releasing them from their trance. Then I had a thought. What if Nim was doing the same thing that Orophin was doing? Maybe she had other boys who liked her, and she was leading all of us around waiting to see which one she liked the best. Suddenly, Fandir’s vision of one love forever and ever seemed like a good way of thinking.

“What if I told you that there was a way to find out for sure if she liked you or not, without having to ask her?” Fandir offered.

“How do you propose I do that?” It seemed ridiculous, unless he meant to ask her for me.

“I heard some of the older ellyn talking not too long ago. There’s some silly game that they play to trick the girls, but it involves using an herb.”

“Like a truth serum?” I wondered.

“Something like that,” he said with a suspicious smile.

“Sounds deceiving. I don’t think I’d want to do anything like that to Nim. Besides, if it’s meant to be, then it will happen.” I didn’t have much knowledge of herbs, but I knew that there were some that could be dangerous. Some herbs had to be crushed, some steeped into tea, and if they weren’t prepared properly, the results could be deadly. “What do you know about herbs anyways?”

“Only what I’ve overheard. I’ve never tried anything. I just thought that if you really wanted to know Nim’s feelings–”

“Well, I don’t,” I said, cutting him short.

As it turned out, Nim liked me and we revisited that kiss. But I never could get the vision of Fandir kissing an ellon out of my head. The idea grew more and more. Eventually, Nim and I went our separate ways. She found another ellon, and I found myself drawn to Fandir, but Nim and I had always remained friends.

* * * * *

As I walked along the pathways that led to the garden, I’d lost myself in my past. Earlier, when Túron and Haldir were trying to figure out who might have altered the wine, this story from my youth popped into my head. I hadn’t thought of that time for many long years, but now that I was older looking back, I started to see a pattern with Fandir. Yes, eventually we discovered our true nature, and our curiosity for each other, but something bothered me. It had to do with the way he behaved around Nimmil back in the days of our youth, and the way he behaved now. I thought back to the night of the dance, when Túron and I escaped to the storeroom, and Fandir suddenly showed. He had the same look in his eyes that night as he’d had when he questioned me about Nim, as we sunned ourselves on the rocks … jealousy. There was no mistaking it, and that’s why I’d felt so uncomfortable around him at the dance. He knew Túron and I were lovers, though he did not say anything. And if Fandir knew that, then he had been deliberately watching us.

He could have been following us because of his jealous resentment against a rival, even though there was nothing between Fandir and I, and there hadn’t been for years. After my relationship with Fandir fell apart, I pursued my military career, setting aside any chance at love. Of course, there was Beldor, but our meetings were the result of a mutual need for fulfillment and nothing else. Had Fandir known about him also? Had he not tried to intervene because he knew these were just frivolous affairs that meant nothing beyond satisfying one’s lust? Túron was the first ellon who I’d felt so strongly for since Fandir. That could have sparked Fandir’s curiosity, if he’d been watching me. And at the same time, Raenor was looking for a way to destroy Haldir. Coincidence? I was about to find out.

After talking with Haldir and Túron, I told them to send word loosely, that something had transpired at the Captain’s offices, and that I would be brought for questioning in the morning. I wanted it to be overheard within certain groups so that word would make it back to Fandir’s ears. I happened to know his sense of sound went very far, and so I headed off to the gardens to set my stage.

Dressed in an old hood and cloak to help conceal me from plain sight, I entered the garden gate and strolled along the path until I came upon the gazebo. I had a flashing memory of this place, where Túron and I first met, and of our first kiss. It was what I had hoped to be the first of many, but now those dreams were shattered. I still held some resentment towards him and his secret. Was Túron even his real name? I wondered.

“Rúmil, is that you?”

I turned only slightly, already aware my visitor. My plan was working. “Fandir,” I mocked surprise. “How did you know it was me?”

He smiled and laughed, not unlike he did that day by the river. “I recognized the cloak. I gave it to you many, many years ago.”

I looked down at my attire, my brows raised in unexpected discovery. “So it is.”

He came a step closer, but still kept his distance. “Good to know you still have something of mine. I thought you’d forgotten by now.”

“Long years it has been since that time, Fandir, but some things cannot be forgotten.” I was laying out my trap, hoping he would not notice.

“Depends upon what exactly it is you remember,” he said with caution.

“Mostly the good times,” I smiled reminiscently. I turned to him, lowering my hood so that when Túron showed, he would know it was me. Túron would know what to do. He’d know why I chose the gazebo to have this meeting with Fandir. He’d also know to keep hidden and eavesdrop on my conversation.

“I do miss those days of our youth,” Fandir said. “They were good, were they not?”

“They were … for a while.” I made myself sound desolate so that Fandir would think he needed to comfort me. When he took another step closer to where I stood, I knew it was working.

“You seem somewhat remote, not at all like your usual self. Has something happened?”

As if he didn’t know. “I’m afraid something awful has happened, and I’m being brought in for questioning in the morning.”

“Do you … want to talk about it?” he asked. It was surprising how easily he feigned concern.

“Oh … well, I … I don’t think I should–” I stammered.

“Rúmil, I know we have hardly spoken a word to each other since … well, you know. But I’ve never stopped caring about you. You must know that. If it will help, please let me be an ear to bend.”

I slowly lifted my eyes to look at him. He seemed so sincere. It brought back some of the old feelings that I’d once had for him. Mixed with the confusion of recent events, I was finding it difficult to concentrate on my original goal.

Fandir took my arm. “Come, let’s sit a spell. How about in here?” he asked, leading me to the gazebo.

We went inside. The scent of roses brought back the memory of Túron, but I squashed it far back in the reaches of my mind. I sat down, Fandir sitting next to me, and we let the silence surround us for a while. Finally, I opened up to him, told him the truth about what happened that afternoon in my office with Romon. He listened intently, but I could see the surprise behind his eyes to learn that it was Romon that I’d shared the wine with. So, Túron was right. It was supposed to be him and I, not Romon, and Fandir hadn’t known. This proved to me that Raenor had known, and that he was probably responsible for threatening Romon’s lover in order to split them apart. And Romon, being a sensitive type, let the break-up interfere with his training, which eventually led him to my office.

“What will happen now?” Fandir asked, truly concerned about my welfare.

“Well, it was Haldir that found us, but when I told him that the wine had been tainted with something, he started an investigation right away. He sent a sample of the wine to one of the healers, who will figure out what was used.” I held my head in my hands and sighed deep. “This whole thing is a huge mess. I think I am going to be discharged.”

“Oh no, Rúmil. I know how important the military is to you. This is just awful,” he replied.

“What am I going to do?” I asked with desperation.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I am always here for you.”

So, that was his ulterior motive. He wanted me back, and he knew he could not have me as long as I was still in the army. He couldn’t have me as long as I was with Túron either. It was a very desperate move on his part. Raenor must have given him the idea that once I was thrown out of the army, and Túron was out of the picture, I would come running back to Fandir. Now it was time to throw a pebble into the gears. “Fandir, you will always have a special place in my heart, but I’ve met someone recently, and if my fate pulls me from the army, then I’ll be free to be with him.”

I could see the hate forming as his brows creased and his lips tightened. “Is it that servant I’ve seen you with?” he said coldly.

“How do you know about him? Have you been watching me?” I accused.

He tried to reign in his ire and his jealousy, but I had knocked a hole in his façade, and he could not hide his true feelings any longer. “I’ve been watching you for years, Rúmil. I’ve never lost hope that we could one day be together again, if only you would just get away from the army. But you never will, not on your own. You’ve bound your soul to it.”

“I thought you knew that. I thought you understood.”

“I know that I never stopped loving you,” he said with passion.

“Then why did you end what we had?” Suddenly, I was thrown back to my youth, and I wanted answers to my questions. “I’m not blind, Fandir. I’ve seen the way you look at me when we happen upon each other around the city. I know you still long for those days when we were carefree and happy together. Do you even know how close I was to telling my brothers that I did not wish to follow in their footsteps? I was willing to forego all of it just to be with you.”

“Yes, I knew that. I’d sensed it from the way you used to hold me, and from the way you kissed me. But it wasn’t my decision. I wanted to be with you too. It was your brother that would not let us be together.”

“What?” I said, completely thrown off guard. “Haldir?”

“He knew about us, Rú. He somehow found out, and confronted me one day. I tried to argue with him, but he would have none of it. Haldir had a long talk with me, tried to make me realize how important the army was to him, to you … to all of your family. When I told him that we loved each other, and that I thought you were going to choose your own course for your future, he became furious. He threatened me, said that if I crossed him, I’d find no employment but as a wine wench in Bree.” He paused and gave a sardonic laugh. “And look who you’ve given your heart to. But ai, I guess a servant in Lórien’s halls is a step above one in Bree’s dirty taverns.”

My mind was reeling. I didn’t want to believe that Haldir could ever do such a thing. And thinking back to that time, Fandir’s rejection came as a complete surprise to me. We’d had no quarrel. There were no signs from either one of us that our relationship was ending. Was Fandir telling the truth? “No,” I said with denial. “Haldir would never do such a thing.”

“We were so good together,” said Fandir sadly. Then his tone changed to something more loathing. “Since that day, I have hated Haldir. I hated him for what he did to us. There was nothing I could do. Anything I might have tried would have reflected badly for you, and I never wanted to hurt you.”

“But now you’re willing to do just that,” I accused. I’d heard a twig snap outside. It was that of an oak, and I knew that a stand of them grew just on the other side of the gazebo. Romon’s lessons had come in handy. Túron had finally shown. Now, to get Fandir to admit that he was responsible for tampering with the wine, and that he had conspired with Raenor.

“No, I would never hurt you, Rú. I still love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. I … I just wanted you back with me. I always have.”

“So why now, and not before. Why wait until I’m made Captain before you tried to sabotage me?” I demanded.

“Whatever are you talking about?” He played a good game, but I could see him losing ground.

“Moon flower, sound familiar?”

He laughed nervously and moved away from me. “I’ve no idea what that is.”

“No? Let me refresh your memory. Moon flower is an herb that when given orally in the exact amount produces illusions, usually making one desire the thing he or she wants most. For example, when a boy wants to know if a girl he likes shares the same feelings in return. Didn’t we have a similar conversation when we were youths? Nim? The first girl I ever kissed? You suggested that we try something to get her to reveal her true feelings.” He was squirming in his seat. I had him caught, but I’d not yet cornered him.

“That was ages ago. We were just elflings then.”

“Yes, but you knew about the herb. Said you’d overheard some of the other elves talking about it. What you don’t know is that after that, I considered finding out more about it and using it on myself.” This was something that I’d never told anyone.

“But why?” he said confused by my admission.

“You opened up to me that day. As we lay on the rocks by the river, I listened to you describe what it was like to kiss an ellon, and it awakened something inside me. I didn’t know it then, but I think that’s when I began to realize that I would not marry a girl, that my life might turn out much different than Haldir and Orophin imagined for me.” I didn’t feel comfortable sitting next to Fandir at the moment. I knew Túron was outside somewhere, listening to our conversation, and I needed to get Fandir to admit to using the herb. But in order to do so, I was going to have to reveal personal things about myself. I stood from the seat and turned my back away from Fandir as I went on. “I found out who those boys were, and after befriending them, they told me about their game. They’d slip a small amount of moon flower into a girl’s drink, and then ask her things about the boys she knew. Eventually, they would get her to tell them who she wished to be with. Sometimes it worked out well for her, when the ellon liked her in return. But sometimes it ended badly, and the girl was hurt to find out that the boy she liked did not feel the same. It was a cruel game, but it happened. Anyways, I asked them where they found moon flower and how they prepared it … how much to use and all that. And that’s when I learned something that, until recently, I’d managed to put out of my mind because I didn’t want to believe it. They said they didn’t get the herb or prepare it, but they knew who did. Supposedly, moon flower was rare, and could only be found in certain areas of Middle-earth … nowhere near Lothlórien, mind you. But the boy who they got it from, oddly enough, sounded a lot like you, from their description. Of course, that was ridiculous, I’d told myself. How on earth could you ever get a hold of moon flower?”

“Indeed,” he said, looking a bit more secure. I wasn’t letting him go that easily.

“Ah, but didn’t your father travel across the Misty Mountains to a small town where the Ganduin river meets the Greyflood? And didn’t you accompany him on occasion? Just so happens that this rare plant grows close to that town. But you already know that, don’t you?” I charged. “Been across the mountains lately?”

I heard Fandir get up, and I felt his hand on my shoulder, but I pulled away from his touch. “Rúmil, please believe me when I say I wasn’t out to hurt you. Yes, I knew about moon flower, where to find it and how to prepare it.”

“Who did you get it for?” I demanded from him.

At first he tried to play dumb, but after I confronted him several times, he broke down and told me. “It was Raenor. I don’t know how he knew, but somehow he found out about my expertise with herbs, especially rare ones. He asked if there was one that could alter the mind. I told him about moon flower, and then, after we gained each other’s trust, he told me about his plan to have Haldir removed from his office. It brought back so many old feelings and hurts. Raenor said that he would put it all together. All I had to do was get him the laced wine. At first, I thought he intended to use it on Haldir, and I had no qualms with that. Later I learned that he meant to use it on you and Túron, to set you up and then walk in on the two of you in the throes of passion. I didn’t want any part of it, for I knew it would ruin your career. But it was Raenor who convinced me that once you were thrown from the army, there would be no other place for you to go but back into my arms.”

Even though I had suspected this, I was still in complete shock over his admission. I had nothing to say, dumbfounded, flabbergasted about all of it. “Did you follow me? Did you know about Túron and me? Did you report your findings to Raenor?”

Fandir looked to the ground in shame of what he realized he’d done. He slowly nodded, confirming my suspicions that Raenor could not have worked alone to ruin my brother. “Didn’t you know that this would ruin my entire family?” I asked.

“I don’t care about them. I only wanted you back in my life.” Finally defeated, Fandir dropped to the ground and knelt at my feet. “I’m sorry, Rúmil. I am so, so sorry.”

“If you are truly sorry, you will help save my reputation and my family’s name. You have to tell the proper authorities about Raenor. You have to tell them what you did, especially with the wine,” I told him.

“What? But I … I can’t. Raenor will–”

“Raenor will do nothing that would put him at risk. He’s probably scheming right now, trying to figure out how to pin this whole incident on you. Fandir, you have to confess your involvement. If they know that the parties involved were under the hallucinating influence of an herb, then maybe no one will be ejected from the army.”

He looked me deep in the eyes, searching for something, and cocked his head to the side. “Even now that you said you’ve found someone to truly love, you would still choose the army over him?”

I shook my head slowly and glanced away from him. “It’s all I know how to do. I’m good at being a soldier. I’m ruthless as a warrior. I would rather sacrifice my life so that my country can be safe than to live out the rest of my days on these shores in quiet and peace.” I knew Túron could hear me. It was a confession as much to Fandir as it was to Túron. “I’ve tried my luck at love. I’m just not good at it. Perhaps one day far from now, I’ll be able to settle down and find true happiness with someone, but not now. It just will not work.”

Fandir sighed and touched my arm. “Losing you once was difficult. Losing you again will be heart wrenching.”

“That’s the thing,” I said with a cold edge to my words. “You never had me, Fandir. You only thought you did in your mind.” I pushed him towards the opening of the gazebo and he stepped outside to find Túron waiting on the path. He froze and leaned back, as though to escape, but I had him by the arm.

“Come, Fandir. Time to tell your story,” I said pulling him along. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Túron. I know he’d heard everything I said, and I had pretty much said that we had no future. But then, he already knew that, didn’t he? After all that had happened, we could never be together without raising suspicions. I should have known better than to think I could ever have something normal, but Túron was the closest I’d ever come to it. In a way, a part of him would always be with me. A part of my heart was his forever.


	9. Chapter 9

Fandir had made his confession to me, and Túron had been witness to it all. Now we would bring him back to the base where he would have to tell the council in charge of gathering information about what happened. Although I seemed to escape any charges, thanks to Túron’s quick thinking and Haldir’s authority, there was always the possibility that I’d be called upon to give my account of the incident that played out in my office. Romon’s fate was yet to be determined, and I hoped that Fandir’s testimony about the herbs and the wine might help to relieve him of further inquisition. Still, everyone knew what effect moon flower had on one’s self, and since he was caught with Túron … well, it wouldn’t help his case much.

Raenor had been busy it seemed. The office building was filled with guards and scribes, all there to make sure everything got recorded properly. I made sure to stay out of Raenor’s sights. I didn’t need him trying to drag me into all of this mess. At most, I might be called upon to testify to what I’d seen upon entering my office. It was all a lie, of course. I’d been the one with Romon in the first place, hallucinating that it was actually Túron that I was kissing. Túron, by a stroke of luck, had showed just moments before Raenor and his guards, long enough to pull me from Romon and shove me towards the door, where it looked as though I’d just entered the room myself. Raenor burst into the room, expecting to see me, and instead found Túron with Romon. I’ll never forget the look of shock on his face, the bloody scoundrel. He’d been fooled again, but at what price? Romon was my best archer. I was bound to lose him to a dishonorable discharge from the Lórien army. I felt bad for him. He was caught in the middle of all this mess. Maybe I shouldn’t have let Túron pull me away. If Raenor had caught me, it would mean the end of my military career, but then, it might have meant the beginning of a normal life with Túron. Then I thought of Haldir and Orophin, who would suffer also, most likely discharged from the army themselves. No, what happened was for the best for me and my brothers.

Túron and I placed Fandir with one of the guards, and told him he was important to the case, that he’d been the one to make the concoction for the wine. I couldn’t be there when he told his story, but I hoped he had told the whole truth, and that Raenor would finally pay for his evil deeds. As I stood outside of the room where Fandir was being questioned, Túron stayed with me. We didn’t say a word to each other, but I could tell that he wished he could. I still wasn’t sure what to think about him. He’d deceived me when he wasn’t truthful about his identity or the fact that Haldir had hired him as a spy. What we needed was a small quiet room far away from all of this where we could talked without worry. I didn’t think that would happen anytime soon. Instead, we stood by and waited to hear what had transpired with Fandir.

In the end, Fandir protected Raenor. He never spoke of their involvement, and made it out to look like he was some jealous ellon suffering from unrequited love. Fandir took complete responsibility for it all. He’d spiked the wine, delivered it, and reported to Raenor so that he would show up just when the wine and its mind altering herbs were taking affect. He said that he’d meant for me and my assistant to get caught. He never meant for Romon to become tangled up in his conspiracy, and felt very bad about it. Unfortunately, the truth became apparent about Romon, and they were prepared to discharge him. He was an innocent bystander who got caught up in someone else’s games. I felt horrible for Romon. He was an excellent archer. He had a very promising career with the army, but now that was taken from him. What bothered me most, though, was that Raenor was getting away with it, all because Fandir was afraid of him. Without Fandir’s confession, there were no other witnesses, no evidence of his involvement. I knew though, and from that day forward, I kept a very keen eye out for him.

Túron was eventually asked to make his testimony. It was while he was gone that I left the administrators offices, and made my way back to my own office. If they needed me, then they’d call for me. I just couldn’t stand the wait any longer, and I pretty much knew what Túron would tell them. He’d made up some story about coming there, finding Romon distraught over something. He would offer him a glass of wine and take one for himself. Then they would talk about whatever it was that had Romon on the brink of tears, succumb to the wine, and find each other’s company a confusing twist of hallucinations and passion. Túron would walk away unscathed. He was no longer under my employment at the time. What he engaged in would not matter to the army since he was not a soldier. What he was doing there might raise a few eyebrows. I wondered myself what story he would come up with. Whatever it was, it would be believable. I only hoped that Túron would come to me and tell me what happened. Unbeknownst to me, I would not see Túron again after he was called in for questioning. He just seemed to disappear after that. Not even so much as a goodbye from him. He was just gone, simple as that. Haldir was probably responsible for his abrupt departure. He was protecting me, and the last person anyone needed to see me with during that time was Túron. And so life went on as usual. I had troops to attend to. Haldir had an army to organize. Orophin was just Orophin, his concern dissipating once he knew I was cleared of any wrongdoing. Just as well, I thought. One less person to have to explain myself to.

Days later, after it all the excitement started to die down, I received a note from Romon. He said that he and his lover Silef decided to step down voluntarily instead of waiting for their official discharge. They made their amends, and were now looking for a home in which they could share. Romon decided to enter into his father’s line of business, which pertained to music. He would help organize the entertainment in the city, which meant dances, concerts and other special occasions. Silef had a talent for bartering, and found employment within the merchant’s trade. They were both very happy together, and relieved that they no longer had to hide. It seemed that they were made for each other, and I knew better than anyone that the army was no place for two people such as them.

Túron remained a constant thought in my mind. There were so many unresolved issues between us. I hadn’t verbally forgiven him, and I wished I could have talked to him one last time before he left. His job here was done, though. I’m sure he was already off on another adventure somewhere far from Lothlórien. I just hoped that he still thought of me once in a while.

I was sitting at my desk, filling out reports and requests for equipment and supplies that my men would need for the march to the borders. We left in only a few short days. I was actually looking forward to it. City life was becoming too hectic and drama filled. I needed the quiet of a campsite, and the mind numbing effects of battle, where I didn’t have to think about anything but where to send my arrows. It was a very exciting time. My men were itching to leave also, and the new recruits looked forward to making their first kills, where they would no longer be considered boys, but men and full time soldiers.

The door of my office opened, and there was Haldir. I was surprised to see him. We hadn’t spoken much since that day. I think we were both trying to put it out of our memories. I didn’t know what to expect from him. He was probably trying to figure out what to do with me. I knew he’d never let my secret get out. He would take that with him either to Valinor or Mandos Hall, whichever came first. That didn’t mean we hadn’t felt odd in each other’s company.

“Haldir,” I greeted tersely.

“Ready for your first tour as a Captain?” he asked, making small talk.

“I am,” I said honestly. “I cannot wait to get out of here for a while.”

He went to a shelf and trailed his finger along the spines of a row of books, avoiding my eyes. “It’s been rather a trying time lately.”

“To say the least,” I said as I placed my quill back in its rest. I had questions that I wanted to ask him, and now seemed like the best time. Perhaps he knew this, and that’s why he was here.

He glanced back over his shoulder, eyes turned downward. “Rúmil, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? Sending Túron away? Not telling me about hiring him in the first place?” My voice lowered as I said my next word. “Or perhaps you’re sorry for interfering with Fandir and I, in the days of our youth,” I accused, perhaps in a harsher tone than I’d intended. I couldn’t help it. I wanted answers. I was tired of the deception.

His mouth opened and shut, but no words came out. I’d never seen my brother at a loss for speech before. He was the one who always had an answer. Haldir came forward and took a seat, slumping forward in defeat. “Before Father sailed, he made me promise to keep the three of us together. He said we were stronger as three, undefeatable, and that as a whole we would strengthen Lórien’s army. It was my responsibility to see to it. I was willing to do whatever needed to be done in order to keep my promise.”

“So you knew about Fandir and I, and knowing the conflict in interest between the army and my personal choices, you worked behind the scenes, steering me in the direction you wanted me to go instead of letting me figure it out by myself. Why did you think I would have chosen Fandir over a military career?”

“Because I’d been watching your relationship develop from friendship, to curiosity, to something more,” he answered.

“What would you even know about it, Haldir? From what I’ve been told, and in my own experience, it takes one to know one, and if I’m not mistaken, considering your successful career and the string of women that trail you, you’re not–” I stifled my own words as I saw the truth flash across my brother’s countenance. He tried to avoid me, but his body language spoke louder than words. How had I missed it? He was my brother. “You’re like me, aren’t you?”

Haldir’s chest swelled and his brows drew together as he tried to ward me off. “Now listen here!” he boasted.

“No, you’ll not bully me.” I went around my desk and stood before him. “You’ve known about me all these years, and not said a word as I lived a life in secret. It ends now, Haldir. No more deception. No more masks. I can’t, not with you. You’re my brother, and you’ll be honest with me, or so help me, I’ll resign from my office at once.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” he whispered.

“No?” I challenged, quirking an eyebrow. In two strides, I was at my desk drawer, where I pulled out a piece of paper. It was yellowed with age, and tattered around the edges, but once all the blanks were filled in, it would be an applicable document. It was a form of request for immediate dismissal from the army. “I’ve carried this paper with me ever since my first day as a soldier, and not for reasons you might be thinking at the moment.”

“I know what it is and why you carry it … because I keep one too. In a worst case scenario, it’s the only way to protect each other from scandal, to protect our family name. Once it is signed, no authority can question it. He is discharged and released as a civilian of the city, no questions asked.”

I knew Haldir would know what it was. I was surprised to know that he had one too. “If you knew about me, then why didn’t you ever come to me? Do you know how many times I wished I could talk to you or Orophin about something, knowing that I could never reveal myself to either of you?”

“I think you already know the answer to your question, and it is for that same reason that I never told you. We’ve both worked very hard to get to where we are, and we would never jeopardize the family.” He leaned back in his chair and looked up at me. He was opening up to me. I guess he realized that it was time to reveal everything. There was no point in keeping it from me anymore. “I sincerely apologize for my rash decision to interfere with you and Fandir. I feared that he was trying to sway you instead of letting you make your own choice.”

“I knew that, Haldir. I knew he wanted more than anything for me to give up my dreams of soldiering to be with him. And I thought long and hard about it, but in the end, I knew I would be a warrior. It’s in my blood just as it’s in yours. I didn’t need your help, but you barged your way in anyways. And in the process, you made an enemy who not only hated you, but who knew my secret. You thought you were helping, but you put us in even more danger.”

“I wasn’t worried about Fandir. I knew he loved you deeply. The last thing he would do was to hurt you in any way,” Haldir said, as though he already had the ending of the story worked out.

“And yet, that’s exactly what he tried to do. When Fandir caught wind of Raenor’s crack down on army rule violators, he came forward, said he could be beneficial to the hunt. He would help Raenor get you out of the army, and in turn, it would reflect badly for me and Orophin. Fandir thought that once our names were ruined, I would come back to him. You would take the brunt of the punishment, since the wine was intended for you, or so Raenor led Fandir to believe. Raenor knew he could not deceive you, though, and so he had the wine delivered to me instead. It was to be my ruin, and your downfall by association.” I turned away from him, then. I didn’t want him to see the hurt on my face. “It was Túron who saved us all.”

Haldir let out a long sigh and shook his head. “Túron is a worthy ellon who went above and beyond what was expected of him.” I heard my brother get up, his soft tread leading to where I stood. His hand was firm upon my shoulder as he told me about Túron. “I hired him to spy on Raenor, nothing else. Soon, he learned the real plot, to hurt me through my brothers. I knew there was nothing he could find against Orophin, but there were plenty of things he could have discovered about you. That’s when I sent Túron out to watch you, to befriend you so that he could stay one step ahead of anything Raenor might be up to. I never imagined that you and Túron would . . .” He let the rest of that sentence float on the air between us before returning to his confession. “When you had Túron reassigned from your office, I thought you found out that I had hired him,” Haldir said.

“It wasn’t that. I received an anonymous note, a warning that Túron and I were being watched. The last minute change that made him my assistant never sat well with me, and the warning confirmed my suspicions. I was trying to protect us when I filed that request. By that time, Túron and I were working together to figure out what was going on, though something tells me he knew much more than I had suspected.”

Haldir smiled and laughed. “Túron is a spy. Of course he knew what was going on. I was expecting a full report from him when everything came crashing down around here.”

“Do you know where he is now?” I asked, trying not to sound too eager.

Haldir shook his head. “He was gone before I could speak with him. He didn’t even collect his wages,” Haldir informed. “I guess once Fandir was brought in for questioning, he knew his job here was done.” He patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rúmil.”

I wanted to yell and scream, to call Haldir out for being so careless with my life, but I couldn’t. So he somehow knew that Túron and I became lovers, but he didn’t know to what extent our hearts had become involved, and I wasn’t about to tell him. It didn’t matter now. Túron was gone anyways. It was my burden to bear, my shattered heart.

Haldir walked away from me, and went to the shelf where I kept the wine. Like my brother, I had my own favorite, and decided to keep it in stock. It was the same wine that Túron and I shared the first night we’d spent together. He’d brought it with him from Rivendell, during one of his last visits. It was a bold flavor, one that I was not used to, one that resembled Túron. Before all the turmoil, I had sent word to Imladris to send a couple casks of it, a gift for my lover in hope of sharing it with him for many nights to come. Another dream destroyed.

My brother picked up the decanter and started to pour a glass, but he hesitated. I laughed to myself. “It’s alright. I had a glass just before you showed. It’s not been tampered with.”

He smiled, realizing his foolishness, but for good reason nonetheless. “You should keep it under lock and key from now on,” he laughed. Then he poured two glasses, and handed me one before taking up his seat again. He sipped and looked like he might spit it out. Haldir’s taste in wine ran much sweeter than what this particular vintage offered.

“It’s from Imladris,” I said, and raised my glass as a toast. I let a comfortable silence fall between us as we settled before I raised more questions. “So what now? A campaign at the borders, which will get me out of your hair for a while, or at least until all of this begins to die down, but then upon my return . . .”

He swirled the wine in his glass, and I could see he was trying to avoid answering my question. I had already claimed an end to the secrets between us. He would have to tell me what was going on. “Well, I’m afraid this won’t go away that easily. Raenor continues to claim his ignorance in all of it, and without Fandir’s testimony, he will never be called out. Some are suspicious, but not enough to investigate him further. However, the fact that this all happened in your office, and because you were the intended target, you are still wanted for questioning. It will not happen before you leave, I’ve seen to that, but I cannot stop it once you are home.” He breathed deep and set his glass down. Haldir looked worn, as though all of this had played heavily on his mind for a while now. I remembered the times he’d looked like this before, not realizing that it was all of this that worried him.

“You have nothing to fret over. This time at the borders will give me ample opportunity to work out all the details. I don’t think it looks as bad as you’re making it out to be. There were no other witnesses besides you and Raenor, and you both clearly saw Túron and Romon together,” I assured him.

“That’s not what worries me,” he replied. “It’s Fandir’s testimony that he intended for you to drink the wine. It was you that he wished to be seen in the arms of another ellon. This is what the authorities will question. Why would Fandir do this in the first place, unless he had a reason to claim jealousy? And that means–”

“It means that he and I would have had to been lovers if he is claiming betrayal,” I said, finishing Haldir’s thought.

“He’s not going to let go easily,” Haldir warned. “All the better that you are gone for a while. We can hope that he sees the error of his ways in your absence. Then maybe he’ll drop this whole thing.”

“Maybe if I just talked to him . . .”

“Absolutely not,” Haldir said. That same look of defeat that I’d seen before returned. He leaned forward and hung his head. “Father warned me something like this might happened, but I thought it would happen to me. I thought I was the only one.”

“Father knew about you?” I asked.

Haldir nodded slowly, but did not raise his head to look at me. “Yes, he knew. Came out at a very inopportune time, too. I was part of the reason why he sailed so soon.” He finally lifted his head, a tear threatening the corner of his eye. “No more secrets, you said. Well then, Rúmil, it is time you knew our family history.”

I suddenly felt like there was not enough wine in Middle-earth to numb me from what I was about to hear. I brought the whole decanter of wine with me before I sat down, and then refilled each of our cups. “Go on,” I managed to say, though I had no idea what Haldir was about to confess.

“I suppose you know about the rivalry between our father and Raenor’s father.” I nodded and he continued. “Their strife began the first day of their training. Carfor, Raenor’s father, challenged Ada to a contest that day, and it went on for years afterwards.” I settled in with my wine and listened, for the first time, to the story that I’d never known.

It seemed that our fathers were always in competition with each other. Whenever one made an accomplishment, the other was soon to follow. It became a battle to see who would master their talents first. Sometimes it was Ada, and sometimes it was Carfor. But for the most part, they were equals in talent and bullheadedness. Eventually, they both became Captains of their own regiments of the Northern Border Guard, the largest and strongest army in Lórien. They no longer played their games, since they were too busy to care. Both married; Ada to our mother, eventually starting our family, and Carfor to an elleth with elflings, who had lost her husband in battle. Carfor adopted her two boys, Raenor and Gúdir, and raised them as his own. That came as a surprise to me. I’d never known that Raenor and his brother were born to a different father. I didn’t know Raenor that well to begin with, and on the rare occasion when we spoke to each other, it obviously never came up in casual conversation.

Both our fathers were successful in family and career, and when duty called, they led their men valiantly into battle. Ada and Carfor were a large part of the success of the Northern Guard. They came home with the fewest number of causalities and had the highest tally of kills. Their men were smart and well trained warriors. The enemy fled at the sight of them, and Lothlórien remained untouched by evil. Life was good for the two Captains, and differences were put aside.

In our family, Haldir was approaching his majority, and joining the Northern Guard as a soldier, Orophin was closing in on his day, and still in training, and I was just a small elfling learning to climb trees. Carfor continued to raise his adopted boys, teaching them everything he knew, and planning for their future in the army. He and his wife never had a child of their own, which some found odd, but it was not unheard of. Both men pushed their oldest boys to be the very best, and I could only guess that’s where the second generation rivalry started between Haldir and Raenor. Things remained uneventful between our fathers; that is, until the day came when the Northern Guard received the announcement that the March Warden at the time was stepping down after sitting in that position for a few thousand years. Like fire igniting oil, the rivalry was rekindled, only this time more intensely. Only one could claim the title, and both men swore that it was to be his name the people would come to know.

It was at this time that our mother was pregnant with her fourth child. And while Ada was in the middle of campaigning for the March Warden position, she became very ill, and lost the child. She was devastated, and so was our father. He tried to continue with his efforts, but his heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I tried to think back to that time, but I was still very young and my memory failed me. Only bits and pieces came to me.

Eventually, the devastation over losing a child became too much, and our father said he was dropping out of the running for March Warden. The position would undoubtedly go to Carfor, and all the time and energy our father spent convincing everyone he was the better elf for the job would be for naught. Our mother knew better. She knew how badly Ada wanted to be March Warden. She knew he would bring strength and grow pride for the Northern army. In her eyes, our father was the only elf qualified. But it was her sorrow, and her grief over the loss of the babe that hindered Ada. He would grieve too, but he could move on from it. She had been the one who carried the child in her womb, who had felt every kick, every flutter of life growing within her body. She felt that she had failed the baby, and it was something she knew she would not recover from. And so, our mother made the decision to sail, for if she stayed, she knew she would fade. And she told our father to pursue his dreams, to follow through and not stop until he achieved his goal. With her final message seared to memory, Ada doubled his efforts and won against Carfor, and Lothlórien had its newest March Warden. 

Even now, as Haldir told me the story of why our mother left, I still couldn’t understand how her sorrow for the loss of this child, an elfling that she’d never known, could outweigh the love for her three living sons. Perhaps one day, when I finally took my place on one of Cirdan’s ships, I’d meet her again, and she could explain this mystery to me. I didn’t resent her for leaving. I just couldn’t comprehend it, especially when I was so young myself at the time. No matter, I am stronger for it. My father raised me and my brothers to the best of his ability, and I’d say he did a damn fine job of it. Here we were, all three of us, leaders in the army, just as he’d always envisioned it. I guess my mother knew what she was doing after all.

“So what happened that led Ada to sail?” I asked, hoping to get to the main point.

“Well, it was a long time in the making,” Haldir responded. “You see, Carfor never gave up his pursuit to become March Warden. He’d tasted victory on the tip of his tongue. Until our father entered back into the running, the title was going to Carfor. He felt slighted. He argued that Ada was too late in coming back to the race. He was ignored, though. Father swept in and claimed the title, and he proved himself to everyone involved in the choosing. Carfor’s anger extended out to his adopted sons, who were raised to question anything that our family was involved in.”

“I see where Raenor gets it from, then,” I said. Our glasses were empty so I filled them and settled back into my chair as Haldir continued with the story.

Seems as though Ada went through many of the same things Haldir had. Like Raenor, Carfor accused our father of many things, unfair treatment being the main complaint that he tried to implement. Ada was always one step ahead. He’d come to expect the challenges, but after a while, he asked that Carfor be sent to a different border guard regiment. He’d maintained a Captain’s position in the Northern Guard, but his actions were affecting his men. It was a mutual agreement that he be placed somewhere else. Ada knew it would only add more fuel to the fire, but Carfor left him with no other choice. Carfor was like a splinter in a foot that had been left unchecked for too long, festering and creating an abscess, a growing problem weakening the rest of the army. Ada did the only thing he could do, and prepared for the backlash from his action. Carfor was released from the Northern Guard and placed in the South, smallest of the armies.

“And then one day, Ada saw something that would change everything.” Haldir paused and swallowed half a glass of wine before going on with the story. I knew something bad was about to be told. “Granted, Carfor was a pain after he had been reassigned, but Ada cared what happened to his men, especially Carfor. I think he actually missed the competition. Carfor had always kept him on the tips of his toes. They were good for each other in that way. Ada wanted to be the best Warden of Lórien, but you are only as strong as your weakest soldier. Carfor was not weak. He’d just fallen into darkness, blinded by jealousy. Ada wanted to make things right. So he decided to pay Carfor a visit, and speak with him, ellon to ellon, no titles, no uniforms, and find out where the root of the problem first began. He felt very confident that they could work something out, and then he would make arrangements for Carfor to return to the North.”

As it turned out, when our father was about to approach the door to Carfor’s talan home, he heard muffled voices coming from the pathway that led behind the house. Our father stopped to listen and heard it again. He followed the path cautiously, and stumbled upon Carfor with another ellon, engaged in an amorous kiss. He froze, and Carfor gasped, pushing the ellon away, but it was too late. My father had seen them in a lover’s embrace. Carfor told the ellon to leave at once, and he brushed past Ada avoiding any eye contact. Father just stood there, focused on Carfor in disbelief.

“But you’re married. You have a wife … and sons,” Father had said, astonished.

“They are mine by marriage only,” answered Carfor. Then his anger burst forth. “Why are you here?” he had demanded. “Is it not enough that you have ruined my career, now you must ruin my life also?”

My father was in a very precarious situation. Carfor was a soldier, and this type of behavior was forbidden. However, he was not on base, but at his own private home, and when the men were on reprieve, they were free to go about their business as they pleased. There was just one rule … don’t get caught by a fellow soldier. It was too late for Carfor, and it was my father’s place to uphold any and all army laws. As Haldir told me the story, I closed my eyes and imagined how it played out between them.

“I came to speak with you, to resolve our issues once and for all, and if you agreed, to ask you to come back to the Northern Guard. I don’t think I can do that now,” my father had told him.

“Don’t do this to me,” Carfor seethed through clenched teeth.

“What choice do I have?” my father argued. “A turn of the cheek, look the other way, and forget I ever saw any of this? I … can’t … do that. I swore an oath when I became March Warden, and if I ignore this, then I am dishonoring my position, my men, the army, and my Lord and Lady of Caras Galadhon. Don’t tell me you would not do the same if you were standing where I am now.”

For the first time, Carfor submitted before my father, but what choice did he have? “Please, I have my family to think of. My boys are just beginning their first tour at the borders.” 

My father argued that he should have thought of them first. “Why, Carfor? If this is who you are, why marry an elleth and adopt her children? Why live this lie along with a secret life?” asked my father.

“You love being a warrior. You love the army and its challenges. And every time you master a goal and claim a new title, it gives you a rush. Knowing that there are men who look up to you, depend on you to give them direction, to teach them all that you know, it is the most fulfilling thing I can think of. But for me, there was just one thing standing in my way. I chose to bury it, and I played my part by marrying, and pretending to be someone else. It worked for a while, but those things that make me who I am refused to be hidden away forever. I succumbed to my true nature, and I was a master of disguise until now. But I tell you this … I am now and will always be a soldier above anything else. So I am begging you, do your duty if you must, but wait until after our campaign. You know my talents. You know the army needs me in this fight. Let me march in this army one more time, and when we return to the city, I will step down quietly. I will do it to protect my sons. It doesn’t matter that they are not of my flesh, I love them like my own.”

In the end, my father agreed, and said nothing about Carfor. And as long as Carfor upheld his end of the agreement, Ada would never speak of it to anyone. Time passed and the armies prepared to march to the borders. It was their last night in Lothlórien. The troops were granted one last reprieve. The city was alive with mirth. There was dancing and dining, not but a few binding marriages between young ellyn and their sweet brides.

“It was my first campaign as a soldier,” Haldir noted. “I, too, was leaving someone behind, someone who I could not attend a dance with, or bind to. I loved him with all my heart, though. That had to be good enough for us. I would not see him until I returned from the borders. I could not write to him, and neither could he write to me, least someone intercept our correspondence and discover our secret. That first tour at the borders would be the loneliest expanse of time I’d ever known. So naturally, as it was my last night in the city, we’d spent it together. I got careless; we both did. It should never have happened, but all I wanted was to lose myself in his embrace. We met at the hot springs … just the two of us. We’d checked the area before we commenced. We thought we were safe and alone. The hot springs were secluded that night, especially with everyone at some sort of gathering with friends and family. As we sank into the heated water, we lost all our inhibitions.”

I noticed, as Haldir spoke, it sounded as though he was still trying to justify his decision to couple with someone in the open, where just anyone could see. Yes, they’d taken precautions, but everyone knows that the world around two lovers melts and time seems to stand still. You feel as though you are the only two beings left on the land. I know … I remember feeling that way with Túron.

“As it so happened, we were not alone,” Haldir said after a break from speaking to wet his tongue with more wine.

“Was it Carfor?” I asked, anxious to know the rest of the story.

Haldir nodded. “It was, but he was not alone. I believe he saw us, but knew he needed someone else to witness his discovery. I’m not sure exactly how he did it, but he had someone with him … the only person who it mattered to, as to what he was seeing.”

My breath caught and I think my heart stopped a moment. “Ada?” I whispered and Haldir nodded again, but this time slowly. “That’s how Father found out about me, and that was what Carfor used to blackmail him. He told Ada that upon their return from the borders he would not abandon his Captain’s position or leave the army, and our father still would not say a word about finding Carfor with the ellon. He also demanded that Ada step down as March Warden, and recommend that Carfor himself be elected for the title. If Ada refused or tried to trick his way out of it, Carfor would go directly to the Lord and Lady, and call Ada as his witness to testify to what they’d both seen at the hot springs. I would have been ruined, and so would the rest of us, meaning you, Orophin and Ada. Our names would be tarnished. None of us would be allowed back into the army, and we would remain civilians until the day we sailed.”

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. It was so much information to digest all at once; first, learning about my brother, and second, learning of Carfor’s deception. One thing I knew for a fact, Ada had never stepped down from his title. I also knew that Carfor had not returned from that tour at the borders. It was said that he was killed by orcs during battle. He died valiantly, protecting his realm and his family. The news had devastated Carfor’s loved ones. His wife sailed soon after. Raenor and Gúdir used their sorrow to strengthen themselves as soldiers. They had always carried a certain amount of resentment towards my family after that, especially my father. I never understood why, but now my mind began imagining things … horrible things … things that no elf should ever think his own father capable of doing. With the threat of discovery, blackmail, and deception all mixed into the story, I started to form a vision of what might have happened on the battlefield. Was it possible that my father committed the worst crime of all? Was he in fact a . . .

“I know what you’re thinking, Rúmil, and I’ll tell you right now that Ada was no kinslayer,” Haldir said, bringing me out of my fermented thoughts. He got out of his chair, set his glass on the table and went to the hearth. Haldir’s back was turned to me. His body language told me that there was more to the story, but he was having trouble telling me the rest. He’d read my mind, but had I touched on something that might have held some form of truth? I waited until Haldir was ready to talk. I decided I would not say anything more for fear that my brother might change his mind and keep me in the dark once again.

“A kinslayer commits the murder with his own hands,” he said, his voice low and ominous. “Our father did no such thing. He would never perform such a heinous crime against one of his own race.”

“But he was not completely innocent either, was he?” I asked.

Haldir lowered himself, sitting on his haunches as he poked at the glowing embers with a stick. “He came upon Carfor as he and two of his men held off a small group of orcs. Ada was by himself, but he waited to see how the fighting commenced. They became overwhelmed by the orcs, and the two elves from his regiment fell to the orc’s blades. Carfor was left alone to fend for himself. Father knew it was his duty to come to Carfor’s aid. He grabbed the hilt of his sword and prepared to leave his hiding place, but he hesitated instead. Something steadied his hand and his feet, and he backed into the shadow of the boulder he hid behind. There was no one around to help Carfor. Ada told me how he wished someone would come, but they never did. Carfor began to weaken against the orcs. Then, he too fell, slain by the black beasts. Our father turned away before he saw what the orcs did to the bodies of elves that they killed. He returned to the battle where the Northern Guard was thick, and commanded his men to victory. Then they came home and mourned their lost brothers, Carfor among them. With him gone, Ada remained March Warden, and no one found out about me and my lover.”

I swallowed the rest of my wine, but it was tasteless, as it seemed all of my senses went numb. This account of my father sounded ridiculous. I’d never known him not to get involved when anyone was in danger. If the words hadn’t come from Haldir’s mouth, I would never have believed what I had just heard. Even now, I needed some sort of proof that my father hadn’t raised a finger to help a fellow elf in need, and watched as one of his own submitted to death by the hands of the enemy. “Did father tell you this?”

“The day he left Lothlórien for the Grey Havens, he told me. Believe me, I was just as shocked as you are now. Until that time, I’d never known about any of it … about being caught at the springs, or Father seeing me, or Carfor’s blackmail. Ada carried his burden for many years, and he never recovered from what he did, or didn’t do in this case. He told me he’d thought long and hard about the choice he made that day, and even though he did not deliver the killing blow to Carfor’s skull, it might as well have been him. He lived with the guilt for as long as he could, waiting until he felt his sons would be alright without his guidance. I was a Captain by then, and Orophin was a soldier. Ada said it was my responsibility to see that you followed in his footsteps. He hated the thought of not seeing you, his youngest, take his place within the army. Father tried to last long enough to see it, but alas, he could not linger any longer with the guilt eating away at his soul. He knew he’d have to sail to save himself and repent within Valinor. Before he parted, he made me swear that I would never do anything ever again to put myself or my brothers in jeopardy, and I have kept that promise. But I had no idea Raenor would go through my brother to get to me.”

I suddenly felt very awful. I’d been careless just as Haldir had been in his youth. I got too confident, didn’t think anyone was paying attention. It almost cost all of us our reputation. I stood and went to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me, the glow of the fire shining in his silver hair. I can’t say I’d ever seen my older brother look vulnerable until that moment. He was not a March Warden. He was just Haldir, my beloved brother, sworn to raise and protect his siblings, and to see that they were successful. “If you knew about me, why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you confront me?”

He shrugged his shoulders and stood, satisfied with the placement of the burning logs. “I don’t know. Part of me feared for you. Part of me wanted you to keep your privacy. You seemed to be very discreet … until Túron came along. I had no idea about him, or I might not have hired him.”

“You can’t predict it all, Haldir. No one can.” I turned away from him. Too many emotions were trying to escape all at once. I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry, scream or hit something. In just a matter of moments, I discovered that my brother was just like me, my father watched as another elf was murdered by orcs, and that the only elf I’ve ever truly loved was a spy hired by my brother.

“He loves you, you know,” Haldir said.

“And I love him too,” I said with hurt, for I’d probably never see Túron again. “It’s a difficult life for someone like us, isn’t it? We have a passion for what we do, but we must sacrifice everything else in order to do it.”

“Not everything, just love,” he said.

“That’s a big part of everything.” I watched my brother give a slight smile. He understood what I meant. “What happened to the ellon, the one from the hot springs? You never told me his name.”

“And I never will,” Haldir said slyly. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “I never saw him again. Ada sent him away. After Carfor’s death, he was the only one who knew about me. He never would have said anything, but you know our father; he always had to tie up any loose ends. It’s my one regret, not being able to say goodbye. Often times I find myself wondering whatever became of him, and if he still remembers me.”

“I’m sure he does. You’re not an easy person to forget.” He laughed at my comment, and I could feel the tension begin to chip away in small bits. “I guess I’ll never see Túron again either. I’m sure you sent him far from here just like Ada did.”

Haldir turned to me, his head down as he looked at the floor. “If you could see him again, would you want to … even now that you know who and what he really is?”

I stopped to think about my answer first. Would I? I missed him right now, but he was gone. The sooner I moved on, the sooner I could put thoughts of him aside. To see him now might give rebirth to all the emotions I’d already tamed. It was a clean break, even though I’d never get to speak to him again. Or would I regret not having one last moment with him to have all my questions answered? “It matters not. He’s far from here by now. It’s too late.”

“Not … necessarily,” Haldir said suspiciously.

“Why, what do you know?” I wondered anxiously.

“You asked me earlier if I knew where Túron was. Well, I lied when I said I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I do know where he is.”

“What?” I said, shocked.

“He’s waiting for you, if you should choose to meet him one more time.” He waited for my answer, but I seemed to have lost my voice momentarily. Haldir clapped a hand to my arm. “What I did before, between you and Fandir, was wrong. I should never have interfered. I should have left it up to you to follow your own path. I swore that I would not do that again.” He shifted his weight as he released my arm, but his eyes were watching me, waiting to see what I would do. “You have a chance at living a different life, Rúmil. There is only a small window of opportunity here. Should you chose to leave the army to be with Túron, now is the time to make that decision. With everything that just happened, you could retire from the Northern Guard under a reasonable explanation. It would not raise any suspicions … I’d see to that.”

I’d hardly heard anything he said after ‘he’s waiting for you’. It took a moment or two for the rest of his words to register. “But what about the campaign? I’m a Captain. I can’t just abandon my men,” I argued.

“Orophin can see over both. Besides, your troops are well trained. They just need their orders, they’ll do the rest.”

“You make it sound as though you don’t need me,” I said disappointedly.

“I do need you, Rúmil. I hope you’ll stay, but I’ll not make the decision for you, not this time.”

“How long do I have?” I asked.

“You’ll only have tonight to see Túron, and then he must leave Lothlórien for good. As for your decision, well, that depends on whether you come back in the morning or not.”

Suddenly, I knew what my only answer would be. Whether I saw Túron again or not, it would not matter. Lothlórien was my home, and the army was my family. I was and would always be a warrior. “There is no life for me outside that of a soldier. I’ve wanted that much longer than I’ve wanted a chance at settling down somewhere. I’ll not abandon my men or my position as their Captain. And I’ll definitely not abandon my brothers.”

Haldir nodded, accepting my decision, but there was still a deep runnel between his brows. Something troubled him. “I’m thrilled that you will stay, but I must warn you that there are still questions that need answering. It will not happen before you leave for the borders, but when you return, I can’t say when or what will occur. Remember, Raenor still wants to use you as his weapon against me.”

“Then I say off to war, and I’ll deal with Raenor later. He’s mending his pride right now. He’ll not cause any trouble before we leave.”

“This is true, but it is a long tour, and it will give him ample time to line things up and make a new plan,” Haldir advised.

I smiled arrogantly. Of course Raenor would not stop. That much was already expected of him. This time I would be prepared. I’d learned a valuable lesson from all of this. “Raenor will find it very difficult to execute anything he might dream up.”

The pride in Haldir’s eyes was unmistakable. Now that we carried no more secrets, it would be easier to watch out for each other. Haldir may have always been one step ahead of Raenor, but now we would be two. “Very well. Finish preparing your orders and requests. The time of our departure draws near.”

Our conversation was concluded, and Haldir made his way to the door. I watched him go, and felt a bubble wanting to burst free. There was still one thing I needed to resolve. “Where’s Túron?” I asked as Haldir’s hand reached for the doorknob. He paused but he did not turn to me. He did not answer me either. I think he was hoping I was done with everything. I’d made my decision to remain in the army, but I still needed closure with Túron. “Where is he?” I asked again, gently.

My brother’s shoulders slumped slightly as he released the handle. When he finally looked at me, it was not anger or sternness I saw in his eyes, but rather, it was sorrow for his own regrets of his past. He knew what it meant to live many long years with the wondering. I don’t think he wanted that for me too. That’s why he arranged for a secret meeting place where Túron and I could speak privately, and clear up any misgivings between us.

Finally, Haldir gave in and told me where I’d find him. He’d been very thorough with his planning. I was quite impressed, and discovered one more, small secret of his. “Follow the river until you come to the boulder field and cross it. There you’ll find a forest thick with cedar. By the time you reach it, it will be full dark. Follow the light of the moon and turn your eyes to the canopy. When the moon is blocked from your view, you’ve found it.”

“Found what?” I asked. These were very specific instruction.

“A long time ago, I built a small hut within the trees. The forest is so dense there, it remains well hidden. That’s where you’ll find him.”

“Will he still be there?” I wondered. I had no idea when Haldir spoke to Túron. Maybe he thought I wasn’t coming and left.

“He’ll be there until sunrise, and then he must leave.”

“And what about guards?” The area past the boulder field was not commonly patrolled. Not many ventured past there anyways. It was outside of the city, and not an easy place to navigate.

“I positioned watches far from there. You’ll not be disturbed. I was never found there when I used to meet … when I went there to see my lover.” He’d almost spoken the ellon’s name, and I wondered if he avoided using it for privacy or because he hadn’t spoken the name in many years, and to say it now would release the ghosts of hidden memories.

“You think of everything, don’t you?” I jested, and let his near slip go unnoticed. Then I bowed to my brother with the love and respect that I owed him. “Thank you, Haldir.”

He returned the gesture with only a small bow on his head. “Be back by sunrise.”


	10. Chapter 10

Haldir was right. It was dark by the time I reached the cedar woods across the boulder field. The moon was hardly visible except for the small flashes of white that penetrated the thick canopy. I moved slowly through the trees, pausing here and there to catch sight of the moon. The pine needles helped to cushion my footfall, but I was fairly sure that there was no one within a mile or so of this area. Haldir would make sure of that.

As I went along, I thought of everything my brother told me, focusing mainly on my father. I thought that the more time I spent analyzing it, the more I’d come to question my father’s actions. After all, he’d watched as another elf was overcome by the enemy, and did nothing to help. But then I looked at his reasons for doing it. Carfor had put my father into a corner that there was no way of getting out of, unless he gave up his son’s secret. He could have done that, I guess. Then neither Carfor nor my father, or any of their sons for that matter, would still be with the army. That left a lot of well-trained soldiers to become ordinary citizens. Haldir would not be March Warden during such a hostile time. Raenor, for the same reason, would not be Warden of the East. Say what you want about the ellon, he was a very good leader. Slightly mislead by his hunger for power, but good at his job, nonetheless. I worried about what else he might try. I didn’t want to see Haldir end up having to make a similar decision like our father did. I didn’t think he would though, especially now that we had cleared the air between us. Together we would see to it that Raenor would run out of ways to make our lives miserable. It wasn’t all that bad, though. The Lórien Three always found the humor in it once things were put right again. I believed that we would be alright. We would move on and fight our battles, and always come out as three. Together, we were indestructible.

I stopped to check the position of the moon again, and could not find it. I was here, the hidden hut in the boughs of the cedars. I didn’t have to wait long to wonder if Túron was above me.

“I hoped that you’d come,” Túron said from the trees.

“I hoped that you’d still be here,” I answered. “Now, how do I get up the bloody tree?”

“Wait, there’s a rope. Watch your head,” he called down. I stepped aside and a thick rope with knots along its length spilled over the side. I wasn’t dressed to climb a rope, and took off my cape, unpinning the brooch at my throat. It was green and silver, in the shape of a mallorn leaf. It had belonged to my mother, and she left it to me when she sailed. It was very precious to me. Even more so were these few short hours that I had left with Túron, so I hastened up the rope. When I got close to the top, I felt Túron’s hand grasp my wrist. I grasped his with the same hand, noticing the jolt it gave me to feel his flesh upon mine. With his help, I soon found myself standing before him, tall and lovely with his dark hair unbound, wearing a simple tunic and leggings. Gone were the servant’s robes, and any other trace of Lothlórien upon his person. Only his straight dark brown hair spoke of his Noldor race. I suddenly wondered who this elf was. Was any of what he’d told me about himself true?

“It’s good to see you, Rúmil. I’ve missed you,” he said with sincerity.

“It’s been a while, but I’m glad to be with you once more,” I replied.

“Once more, you say.” His smile faded as he looked to the floor. “Ai, I wish it didn’t have to be.”

“It can be no other way, Túron, but I would share in that wish with you.” I was amazed at how easy it was to be with him, even after everything that happened. I guess that’s why I was not hesitant in getting to my questioning. “Your name is Túron, isn’t it? Or is that part of your servant’s façade?”

“It is not my birth name, but I haven’t gone by that name for a very long time. Túron is what I tell everyone, though. Would you like to know what it is?”

“If you are willing to tell me,” I said.

“Only my family know me by this name, and now you. It is Rávon.”

“I think that name suits you better. Why did you change it?” It meant free-spirited, untamed, and just how I pictured him.

“Like I told you before, I was forced to leave Rivendell, so I left my life behind to begin a new one, even my name,” he explained.

I narrowed my eyes as I tried to read him, but it was difficult. “And the story you told me?” I asked.

“All true, and might I add that not many know that much about me. I don’t live there anymore, and I can never return because of my involvement with a captain. I am an archer, but I was trained as a scout. When I left Rivendell, I traveled long and far, and eventually found my calling as a spy. Since I belonged to no single realm, it was easy for me to adjust and conform to any situation. I go here and there looking for people who might need my services, introduce myself, get the job done, make my profit, and slip out before anyone knows I’ve been there.”

“My brother tells me you did not take your fee. Why?”

“I … couldn’t, not after meeting you. It didn’t seem right after that. I think a part of me wished I could finally settle into a normal routine for a while. Guess I’m moving on again. Shame though. I think Lothlórien suited me more than anywhere else I’ve visited. Despite what you might think, I actually liked playing a servant. I made a few good friends.” He moved closer to me until I could feel the heat from his body, and he took my chin in his fingers. “And found one very good lover.” He leaned forward and kissed me. I didn’t resist.

When he released me, I looked deep into his blue eyes. It was still there, the love we’d shared. He was no different from the elf I had met so many months ago, except that he wasn’t quite as mysterious as before. The veil had come down, and I knew that he had always been his true form when he was with me. That was comforting to know. I worried that the Túron I’d fell for was not the same as the spy. Others might argue the fact, but not me.

As I had made my way to the hidden cabin, I’d told myself that I wanted to talk to him, ask him all sorts of questions, find out who he was, where he’d come from, where he was going. I thought I would drag every truth from him, and that I would need to do this in order to feel like I really knew him. But in the one kiss we shared, I needed no more proof. What I needed, what I wanted was to become one with him, but I was afraid to let myself go so easily, and I pushed away from him and entered the small hut. Túron stayed on the platform outside the doorway, and let me explore alone, for I was exploring more than my surroundings. I was considering what I would allow my heart to feel, whether I could risk leaving a part of it with Túron, and come out of the whole thing unscathed. But just like war, there were always battle scars. I think it was already too late to see my heart without a blemish upon it.

“I never knew my brother had a secret place,” I said to change the tension between us. I could have easily found myself naked beside him, but I didn’t want to rush into it. I wasn’t sure yet if I would let things go that far. I was also fooling myself to think that I’d leave before sunrise without knowing his flesh once more.

“I’m a very good judge of character; I have to be in my line of work. But I honestly would never have guessed about your brother.”

“You know? Did he tell you?” I wondered.

“When we began to piece together Raenor’s plan, he kind of had to tell me. I hope you know I’ll never share that information with anyone. Haldir’s secret, as well as yours, shall never pass my lips. I swear my life upon that.” He seemed worried that I wouldn’t believe him. He was a spy, after all, and they usually traded information. I needed no convincing, though. I still trusted Túron with my secret.

“I believe you,” I smiled to ease his worry, and looked around the small room. There was nothing in here except three sawn tree trunks, two for seats and one for a table of sorts, and a hand-stuffed mattress barely big enough for two. Folded and laying at the foot of the mattress was a blanket. There was nothing else, but I guess this was only meant to be a retreat, not permanent housing.

I heard a shuffle at the door and looked over my shoulder. Túron was leaning against the frame, watching me with intense desire. He was just as eager as I was to get the evening underway, but that was not the only reason I came. I didn’t want to make this about sex. Túron meant more to me than just a good lay. “You say my brother hired you. Where did you meet him?”

“He was on his way back from Mirkwood after meeting with the elven King. He’d made camp, and I noticed his fire in the distance. I asked to share it with him. It had been several weeks since I’d seen anyone along my travels. It was completely by chance that we met out in the middle of nowhere. I usually meet my clients in small towns and villages. Anyways, we got talking, I learned of his dilemma and offered my services.” As he spoke, Túron came into the room and stood next to me. I felt his arm brush against mine and moved to have a seat on one of the tree trunks. I moved as casually as possible, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. “Have you ever been to Mirkwood?” he asked.

“Gods, no,” I said. “Heathens, the Wood elves … burrowing underground like the dwarves, slobbering over riches, unconcerned with the world outside.”

“So you’re not overly fond of them, then,” he commented with a quirk of a smile.

“My brother went there to ask that the King contribute some of his troops in the fight against the orc raids, which have been steadily on the rise. If we are to win this war against the black evil that swarms out of Dol Guldur, then we must all participate. The King said all he cared about were his people, his house and his throne. He would use all his resources for his own. Haldir told him that if he would not help the other realms, then he should not expect any help from the outside. The King merely laughed and said he never wanted anyone’s help, and that Lothlórien would do good not to call upon him again. So the rich King coils around his treasure like the dragons of old, and keeps his people buried beneath the ground in a forest so dark that it has not seen the sun in centuries. Evil spreads unchecked in that forsaken place. He is nothing but a hoarder, but where will that get him when the dark forces rise for the final war? Eventually, even the elven king will not be able to ignore the world, but it will be too late.”

“Hmm,” Túron muttered. “Well, everyone is entitled to their opinion I suppose.” I was about to argue the point with him, but I stopped when I felt his hands on my shoulders. One hand slipped inside my tunic, and then his lips were kissing the back of my ear. “I didn’t come here to talk politics, unless that is how you’d like to spend our last few hours together.”

“No,” I whispered. “But I don’t know what I want from this meeting, either. I came here to talk to you, to find out the truth about you … about us.”

“And are you satisfied so far?” he asked, his warm breath upon my neck.

“I believe all that you’ve told me. I trust that you’ve been honest, though I’m sure there is much more about you that I do not know. There’s not enough time for that now.”

“You know all you need to know about me, and I hope you know how my heart feels. I do love you, Rúmil,” he confessed. “It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt this way about anyone, and the last time it happened, I was scorned by my lover.”

“I would not do that to you, and I wish things were different. But we have already chosen our paths, and there is no turning from it now,” I said honestly.

“No, there isn’t, least of all for you.” He released me and went back to the door. I feared he had changed his mind and might leave, but he stopped in the threshold and grasped the doorframe on each side, gazing out into the trees. It was so quiet I could hear my own heart beating, and wondered if Túron could hear it too. The scent of the trees burned into my memory, green and earth, just like Túron’s own aura. From now on, if I ever scented another pine forest, I would be thrown back to this night, I was sure of it.

“Do you think there will ever be a time when we can live as we want, just you and me?” he asked from the doorway.

“Perhaps, but I think it will be a very long time until then. You will have forgotten me by then, I’m sure.” I don’t know why I said that last comment. Maybe I was trying to let him go so he would be free to find the life he sought, but with someone else. Whatever the reason, it didn’t seem to sit well with Túron. He turned to me, his body silhouetted against the dim light coming in through the door. I couldn’t see his face very well; we’d only a single candle burning for light, but I could sense his unease.

“Should I forget you?” he asked warily. It suddenly registered why he asked this.

“That’s what he told you, isn’t it … your Rivendell lover. He told you to leave, to never come back and to forget anything had ever happened between the two of you.”

Túron didn’t say anything, but I knew I was right. I stood from the log and rushed to him, taking him into my arms and held him tight. “I would never want that, for I will never forget you, and I’ll carry in my heart the hope that one day we will return to each other. It might not happen upon these shores, but perhaps when we return to the Blessed Realm, we will finally be together. I do want that, Túron, I really do.”

“Let’s not speak of it anymore. We only have a short time left, and I want to be in the moment with you … not the past, not the future … just you and I, here and now.” He kissed me, hard and urgent. I’d felt the moisture on his cheeks, but I ignored it. To know his feelings for me were that strong was all I needed to know from here on out. I don’t think either one of us wanted to close our hearts to anyone else. Yes, we loved each other, and we both hoped to be together again. That time would not come for a long while, and lots could happen before then. We silently agreed that we should continue on without burden. Only the gods knew if we were destined for each other, but right now we had one another. It would have to suffice, and it did. If we never met again, I would be satisfied knowing that I’d experienced this moment with Túron. No one could take that away.

I let go and stopped thinking, and gave myself over to the feeling of having Túron in my arms again. It felt good. It felt right. “Come away from the door,” I said when we came up for air. I pulled him into the hut and towards the bed. He followed easily, our eyes never leaving each other. The next thing I knew, we were undressing each other as fast as our fingers and hands would allow. It only took a moment, and we were naked before one another. By the gods, he was gorgeous. He had these thick dark brows that made him look dangerous, and those ruby lips parted as he breathed rapidly. Even in the dim light of the candle, I could see the blue of his eyes sparkling, watching me, examining me from head to toe. I can’t begin to explain the feeling of having someone caress your whole body with nothing more than a look. It was the most erotic thing I’ve felt. His eyes would pause as they traveled down my body … chest, stomach, cock. I thought I’d come undone before he even touched me, but I regained my composure. Returning the favor, I examined him too, but when I got to his lower region, I was completely taken by my desire to taste him, and fell to my knees.

He was long and solid and silky, and he tasted of the sea. And then his fingers entwined around my silver hair, pulling me to him further still. I was gloriously trapped, a victim to his mercy, and nothing had ever felt so damned good. Then he stiffened and went rigid, and I swallowed every last bit that pulsed from him. I could feel his legs quiver as he finished, and then he collapsed on the mattress. Túron laid on his back, breathing heavily, starring at the ceiling, a ridiculous smile on his face. He looked so young at that moment; I’d never forget his expression. It made me love him even more.

“Gods, Rúmil, what have you done to me? I’m a trembling mess,” he said with laughter in his voice.

I crawled onto the makeshift bed beside him, and watched as he recovered. “The night is still young. You’ll have your chance at revenge. And I look forward to it too.”

“Oh, I’ll see you curled up in a ball before I’m through with you,” he challenged.

I traced a finger over his chest, outlining the definitions of breast and abdomen. “What do you do to keep yourself in such good shape?” I asked.

“I had you for that, for a while at least,” he jested. “Actually, I still practice sword play, and I shoot my bow as often as possible. I may not be a soldier, but while traveling alone in the world, I need to protect myself from orcs or thieves. Most likely, it’s thieves. I try to stay clear of the other.”

“That will become more and more difficult as the days darken. War is coming. The enemy is growing. You should be extra careful out there,” I said, a touch of worry upon my voice.

“Aye, I shall be from here on out. Don’t’ fret for me, Rúmil. I’m quite clever, and I don’t go looking for trouble,” he answered to make me feel better.

“Where do you think you’ll go?” I wondered.

“Well, I could make my way to the Great West Road, perhaps head towards Gondor. There’s plenty of villages along the way. Or I might make for Harlond, spend some time on the Gulf of Lune. I would go by the Shire if I did that. Long as it been since I’ve seen the Hobbits. They are some of my best clients. Always some kind of drama happening in Hobbiton, you know.” He smiled and his eyes shone with mirth as he spoke of the Halflings.

“I hadn’t known you’d met Hobbits before. What are they like?” I asked curiously.

“They are loyal and kind, protective of their home and their families. They often argue amongst themselves, but they never go to bed angry. They’d bend over backwards for a neighbor in need. It’s a very peaceful, relaxing place to visit, if you don’t mind walking hunched over when you go inside their homes and businesses.” Túron laughed at this. “It’s no problem for me. I spend most of my time there outside, and I sleep amongst the stars and the rolling hills as green as emeralds.”

“Sounds very pleasing,” I said.

“Well, you know what would please me,” he whispered as he rolled on top of me. His knee nudged my thighs apart.

“I think I have a fairly good idea,” I answered, submitting to him. Whatever he wanted from me tonight, I would give him without hesitation, and right now, he wanted me.

Our bodies contoured to each other perfectly. Our lengths lined up side by side as he writhed his hips against mine. Then he moved so that I could bring my legs around his waist. We were already prepared with a bottle of sunflower oil that Túron had brought with him. We slid together easily, our bodies becoming one, our souls calling to each other. He made love to me tenderly, allowing ourselves to experience each moment, and put it to memory. And slowly we eased our way closer and closer to the finale of our climactic event. He collapsed on top of me and I held him to me as we rode the last waves of ecstasy. Túron was trembling again. I wondered if he’d ever trembled in his Rivendell lover’s arms, and came to my own conclusion that he did not.

The evening carried on in this fashion, bouts of conversation followed by tender love making, until we were completely spent, and were too tired to carry on any longer. I desperately tried not to fall asleep, and I told him as much.

“I don’t want to miss a single moment with you, Túron. If I sleep, I’ll be wasting precious time that I could be touching you or listening to your stories.”

“I know, love, I feel the same, but my eyes will not cooperate, and neither will my body. You’ve exhausted me. But we can sleep in each other’s arms. Perhaps we’ll continue on in our dreams.” Even as he spoke, his voice began to slow and fade as sleep overtook him. I pulled him against me and draped my arm around his middle.

“Then let us sleep for just a bit. There’s not much time left before I must leave, and I want to make love to you … one … more … time before. . .” And just like that, sleep captured me.

“I will always love you, Rúmil,” I heard him say before dreams consumed me.

* * * * *

I woke up thinking that I’d only been asleep for a few minutes. It was still dark, but it was difficult to tell what time it was in this thick forest. No light yet penetrated through the close growing boughs of the cedars. I was sure there was still time left for. . .

The first thing I noticed was that the bed beside me was cold. I reached out and found it empty. “Túron,” I called desperately. There was no answer. “Túron, are you still here?” I thought he might have gone out to take a piss. There was no light in the small hut. We’d forgot to blow out the candle and it had burned itself down to the base.

The room was deathly quiet, but for the sound of the first stirrings of life outside. A lark, I thought, and I felt my heart fall. Morning was already upon us. I had to hurry and be on my way. I called for him again, but there was still no answer. Gone for water? Food? He wouldn’t just leave, would he? Every fiber of my being told me that he was not here, that he’d left long ago, and I’d missed his last goodbye, just as I’d feared.

I felt around in the dark room, crawling on hands and knees. I hit something and it smelled of oil. The bottle, I’d tipped it over. Then my clothes would be towards the foot of the makeshift bed. They were still there in a pile right where I’d left them, but there was no pile next to them. Túron was dressed.

I got to my feet and went to the door. When I opened it, a bit of morning light seeped into the room. I was alone. Everything of Túron’s was gone. The rope hung over the edge of the platform. He was gone.

I hoped he wouldn’t go like this, but deep down I knew he would leave before I awoke. We had both been dreading the moment we would have to part. I played it over and over many times in my head, but every time, I could not find the strength to walk away from him. I guess he felt the same, and thought it was better to go while I was in dreams. Then we wouldn’t actually have to say our farewells to each other. It should have been me, I thought. I should have left first, sparing him from having to do it. If I’d only forced myself not to sleep. I had to admit, though, it was the best sleep I’d had in a very long time. I didn’t think I’d ever sleep that sound again.

The sun was rising, and with it a slight breeze swirled around my naked form. I stood in the doorway, watching the day come alive around me, feeling trapped in time, as though I had nothing to look forward to. Somehow I dressed and made my way down the rope ladder. The boulder field, the river, it was all a blur. I would go back to the city, back to the base, to my office, and I’d start my day as if nothing ever happened, as though I’d never left. But I could still smell Túron’s aura on me, even though he’d been gone for hours, green and earth, his scent.

* * * * *

Officers came and went with orders or requests. Paperwork was finished and sent to my brother. Approval was swift. Orders were written up and sent out to the soldiers, and I moved like a mindless machine, performing the motions without thought. We were moving out in two days. Just as well, I said to myself. There was nothing for me here.

I didn’t think Túron’s leaving would affect me like this. I thought I prepared myself, but now that he was really gone, my heart solidified like lava flowing into the sea, blackened and hardening quickly as it touched the water. The only thing that kept it from completely cooling and turning to stone was the fact that I would soon be engaged in war. I was at my best when I had to fight. I could forget about my sadness for a while, and turn my energy into a battle cry. My hands itched to hold my bow. I couldn’t wait to feel the tension of the strings cutting into my fingers, and the softness of the fletching upon my cheek as I lined up my shot.

The end of the first day, that’s what I called it as I sent out the last of my orders. The messenger left my office and I was alone. The end of the first day without Túron. Where had the time gone? This time yesterday, I was making my way to the cedar wood. Today, it seemed like it was all a dream. Where was he, I thought? Did he go east or west? Was he ever really there in the cabin? Was I? Had I imagined all of it and any moment Túron was going to walk through my office door?

“You’re a fool if you think that,” I told myself as I stood and shuffled a few papers on my desk. My cloak was laying over the arm of a chair, and as I reached for it, I felt something inside one of the pockets. I hadn’t noticed it this morning, for I carried it instead of wearing it. There was a roll of parchment tied with a ribbon. I’d seen this bit of cloth before. Túron had worn it as part of his servant’s attire. The men tied them around their heads to match the women who wore a circlet of flowers. I took a moment and felt the silky lavender ribbon slip through my fingers. Then I slipped it off the parchment and unrolled the paper. It was a letter written in the neat hand of my lover. He always did like to have the last word, I laughed to myself.

He had decided to go west and follow the Great Road towards Gondor. That was good to know, but I worried for him. The road was not a safe place for a traveler these days. Hobbiton would have been a safer bet, but then, Túron liked adventure. Of course he would go west.

I continued reading the letter. . .

@@ @@ @@

‘I hope you don’t mind, but I took your brooch. I realized that I had nothing of yours to keep with me. It’s silly, I know, but I’ll feel closer to you when I hold it in my hand, or wear it upon my breast. In return, I’ve given you the only thing I had upon my person, my ribbon. It’s not an even trade, but I think you’ll understand.’

@@ @@ @@  
My brooch, my mother’s piece that she gave me. I smiled. “I never told him where it came from. I’m glad he has it though,” I said as I tied the silk ribbon around my wrist. “A fair enough trade, my love.” I read on.  
@@ @@ @@

‘I’m sorry I left like I did, but I think you understand why. If I didn’t, we might never have left that cabin. Which one of us could have said goodbye first? Which one would have been the first one to walk away? I couldn’t do it, and I didn’t want you to have to be the one. That’s why I left while you were sleeping. It was easier that way.

By the gods, Rúmil, have you any idea how much I love you? I never could express that to you, though I wanted to. Yes, I had spoken the words, but not with my whole heart, for fear that I would alter the course you had already chosen. Maybe it is a bit arrogant of me to think that way, but I hope that you love me that much too. No, that’s wrong of me to say. I don’t want you to think I don’t know, because I do. I know you love me that much.

We could have made it work, if things hadn’t fallen apart that horrible night. I hope you know that I was willing to be with you, even in secret. That is my biggest regret. We never got the chance to see how it would have worked. But I know how important your career is, and with only a split second to make a decision, I chose to save you and sacrifice what might have been between us. After all, I was hired to keep watch over you. Just like it is your job to protect the elves under your command, it was my job to protect you. I hope that bastard, Raenor, gets what he’s due.

Now we move on, but you’ll forever live within my heart. And I will go on because I just know we will be together one day. As you said, it will be a very long time from now, and probably not even on this earth. Whenever it happens, it will be worth the wait. So for now, keep me in your heart, in your thoughts, and in your dreams, and I shall do the same. Until then.

T.

@@ @@ @@

I finished reading the letter and laid it on my desk. A smile spread across my lips, and I closed my eyes. I sighed, reached for a bottle of wine on the shelf behind my desk, and pulled the cork out. It was our wine, the same vintage we had shared on many occasions. I lifted the bottle into the air and toasted. “Until then, my lover, you’ll be in my heart too.” The warmth of the wine traveled through my body, and I imagined that he was with me in spirit. “It will come to pass someday. You’ll be back in my arms, and we’ll have nothing to hide anymore.”

But that day was not now, and I had a lot to hide. I took another swig, and picked up the letter. Then I put it in the hearth and watched it burn. I couldn’t let it get into the wrong hands. Besides, Túron was more than a piece of paper. He was attached to my heart and my memories would never forget.

* * * * *

What was supposed to be a three month campaign at the Northern Border, turned into nine grueling months of blood and battle. We were constantly attacked by orc raids, and it left us little time to sit around and think of home. The enemy’s tactics were to consistently attack along the borders, testing for weaknesses, and giving no rest to the Lothlórien armies. They were trying to wear us down, and give us no time to trade exhausted troops for fresh ones. It might have worked if we hadn’t figured out a pattern to their attacks. We managed to get just far enough ahead that we were ready for them where the Northern Border met the Eastern Border. I’m proud to say that it was my men who ambushed the orcs that turned the tides in this battle. We used the technique Romon taught me about listening to the sounds of the forest to determine direction. It was a surprise attack, and when the orcs scattered, some ran back towards their nest. Orophin’s troops followed and were joined by one of the largest regiments of the Eastern Guard. Together, they destroyed one of the orcs main holds. Scouts were sent out to see where the survivors ran to. Dol Guldur was their main lair; we already knew that, but we hadn’t known that an even worse foe housed themselves within the broken tower. Nazgûl … Sauron’s Black Captains were organizing the orc armies there. Their numbers were far greater than we had ever imagined. They were preparing for a monumental attack upon Lothlórien and Mirkwood. If we hadn’t found out when we did, we might not have been prepared. Lórien would double its men and its efforts. No evil had ever found its way into the city while my father was March Warden, and it would not happen now with my brother in command. But this could only mean one thing. War was not coming, it was already here.

While the enemy reorganized after the last attack, our tired and worn regiments were finally allowed a reprieve, and were sent back to the city. Fresh troops were waiting to be deployed, and even though I hadn’t had a break since my marching orders nine months ago, I was prepared to lead the new troops back to the border.

I didn’t look forward to going home. When I’d left, things were a mess. There was still the matter of the investigation, though it seemed a bit trifle after all this time. War was a bigger matter, I thought, but Haldir informed me that the case was still open, and I was wanted for questioning. Why was there a civilian (Túron) on the base, and in my office no less? And why hadn’t I had any indication as to Romon’s personal life? Who was Fandir, and how did I know him? Why was he, another civilian, on base? The list of questions went on and on. I was hardly home for a day when I was called upon to answer them. I answered them as best I could, but it didn’t seem to satisfy the ones doing the investigating. From their attitudes, I could tell that Raenor had something to do with their involvement on the matter. The scoundrel was sure he had me cornered, but all he would get from me was my version of what happened that day. Túron was gone, and they couldn’t call upon him again. Fandir had told them all they needed to know. Raenor was conveniently leaving him out of it in order to protect his own arse, especially since Fandir took all the blame for the tainted wine. But he had involved me when he admitted that he did it to gain my attention. Had he never mentioned me in the first place, perhaps all of this would have been blown over by now. The investigation committee wanted answers, and I was their target.

After my interrogation, they said they would call upon me again, after they spoke to a few other witnesses. Witnesses, I wondered. Who were they talking about? As far as I knew, there were no others that knew anything about it. Well, there was Beldor, but . . .

Surely he wouldn’t give me away. When I questioned Haldir about the committee’s warning, he said to ignore them. It was their way of trying to scare testimony out of someone. There were no other witnesses, and unless Raenor was ready to confess to his involvement, it wouldn’t go any further than it already had.

“But to be on the safe side, I think you should go on a reprieve,” Haldir told me.

“What are you talking about? I’m on one right now, or haven’t you noticed that I’m not still at the borders,” I argued.

I was at Haldir’s home where we could speak openly about things. There were too many ears around the officer’s quarters lately. “Raenor is not going to let up while you are here. I’m doing what I can, but I can only do so much, Rúmil. Now, I could not interfere with their inquiry, and from what I’ve heard, you did well.”

“How do you know? You were not there,” I said. Everything was kept confidential, and not even my brother would know what the committee was saying. I told him as much.

“I don’t need to know what they said to know that they have nothing new. They will regroup, probably after speaking with Raenor. Then they will come to you with new questions. In the meantime, Raenor will use anything and anyone available to him to try and dig up more of your past. I’m going to do what I can to see that he gets nothing. As for you, I’ve got a legitimate task I need you to do. It will get you out of Lothlórien for a bit. If you’re not here, these ridiculous proceedings cannot continue.”

I was beginning to see no end to all of this. As long as Raenor was involved, he would not let things slip away and be forgotten. “What does it matter if I go away? When I come back, all of this will start up again, the questions, the accusations … it won’t end.”

“Raenor is doing this to wear you down. I can guarantee that if he had no involvement, it would never have been brought back up. Fandir confessed, even though he is protecting Raenor. It should not be a matter still. But Fandir is the key to all of this. He knows both sides, yours and Raenor’s. He’s the one who could end this.”

“Then let me talk to him. He still cares for me. If I can convince him to come to reason and tell them about Raenor–”

“No,” Haldir interrupted. “We cannot chance it. There are too many eyes and ears upon you. Should someone see you talking to Fandir . . .”

I knew my brother was right, but I felt like I was the only one who could convince Fandir to tell the truth about Raenor. We had grown up together. We had been best friends one time, had shared all of our secrets. We had loved each other once, and I knew he still carried me in his heart. Haldir thought he could speak with Fandir, but I knew my brother would get nothing out of him. For me, he would talk.

“Do this task for me, Rúmil. It’s more important than you might think,” Haldir pleaded with me.

I thought for a moment, but I knew I could not say no. If he really wanted to, he could overrule me. He was, after all, March Warden. “All right, what is it then?”

It must have been important, because Haldir took a deep breath and let it out slowly before looking me squarely in the eyes. He only did that when he had something difficult that he needed me or Orophin to do, something dangerous or possibly something neither of us would be fond of doing. He was readying himself for an argument, I could see.

“I need you to go to Mirkwood and–”

“What? Oh no, not me!” I argued as I backed away from him.

“And . . .” he continued, drawing out the word. “Speak to King Thranduil. Warn him about our findings with the growing orc army and Dol Guldur. Make him understand that he must be involved in this war if he wants to keep his land and protect his people.”

“You want me to do this? I’ve never been out of Lothlórien, and now you want me to be a delegate for our Lord and Lady, and convince a foreign king, who refuses to come out of hiding, to help Lórien in this war.” I stopped ranting and ran my hand through my loose hair to calm myself. It didn’t work. “Are you MAD!?” I shouted.

“I’ve been to the elven king several times, and I got nowhere with him,” Haldir countered.

“And just what makes you think he will listen to me? For Valar’s sake, you are March Warden. I’m naught but a Captain. How will that make a difference whether he listens or not?” I would fight this decision until my last breath if I had to. I was NOT going to that filthy, spider infested cesspool of a place and live amongst those heathen Wood elves.

“There is no one else that I can count on to take on this task,” Haldir admitted. “You have a talent for people of all races, even amongst the elves. People sense your kind soul, Rúmil. Orophin couldn’t accomplish this. He is too hot headed and lust driven. He would find himself in Thranduil’s cells either for mouthing off to the king or putting his mouth on their women. And . . .” he paused. His face softened as he pleaded his case and tried to convince me to go. “And you have your gift.”

“My gift? What, talking to trees? How is that going to help to–”

“The Wood elves have their feet planted in the green earth, and their ears tuned in to the nature that surrounds them. They have the same gift, and they hold others like themselves in high respect. Prove yourself worthy to speak to Thranduil’s court, and I’m positive that he will give you his attention. He must understand the dire situation that we are all in. The Nazgûl are nothing to ignore. If they are ruling from Dol Guldur, and organizing the orcs to march on our lands, then that is a force that will be almost impossible to defeat … unless we ALL come together to fight this new and growing terror.”

“Haldir is right,” Orophin said from the door. Neither of us heard him come in, but he had obviously been there for a little while, long enough to hear what Haldir had to say. “You must go, little brother. If anyone can get through to the elven king, it is you. I may tease you about your soft heart, but it’s only because I’m jealous. People listen to you. Look at your troops. They love and respect you, not because you are one of the Lórien Three. It’s because you are kind and fair. You rule with a stern but understanding hand. They know when you speak, it’s to give encouragement, not chastisement. You don’t only tell someone they are wrong, but you show them how to correct their mistakes. I can see no other accomplishing this task that Haldir has given, and I trust that Thranduil will listen, and that you will be consistent until he does.”

I plopped down on the settee in Haldir’s office, no longer with an argument. Here were both of my older brothers, convinced beyond a doubt that I was the one who had to deliver this message to the King of Mirkwood. Not only that, but to bring him around with my kind personality, and my ability to hear the trees. “Well, if that’s not a load of shit,” I mumbled, defeated once more by my brothers. “I guess I have no other choice.”

“No,” my brothers said simultaneously. We all laughed at that.

“Fine, when must I leave?” I asked, given up on seeing a way out of this.

“You’ll have time to get your affairs in order. A letter will be sent to Mirkwood immediately. You don’t want to enter the dark wood without an escort. The Wood elves will be expecting your arrival,” Haldir informed. I was almost sure he had everything set up and ready to go before he proposed that I go to Mirkwood. The letter was probably already on its way by messenger hawk. Everything was already in motion. There was no backing out.

* * * * *

And so, there I sat in my home, on the eve of my next great adventure. It seemed as though I was doing a valiant thing by going to Mirkwood, but I knew better. I was being sent off somewhere far from Raenor and his never ending investigations, all in the name of honor. I knew what it really meant. It meant we were protecting ourselves and our good name so that in turn, we could keep peace and order to our realm. I had never felt so conflicted in all my life.

I wondered if I should have given more thought to flying off with Túron when I had the chance. I gave Haldir my decision before I even met with Túron one last time. If I had gone with him, what would have happened? Well, Raenor would have no one to make inquiries to. There would be no extort, and his case would have run cold. There would be talk and speculation about my disappearance, but even that would eventually be forgotten about. Haldir and Orophin would survive, and with the war coming, everyone would have more pressing issues to worry about. And I would not be slogging my way to Mirkwood to convince the heathen elf king to contribute to the war.

I’d never met a Wood elf. I’d only heard stories of them, and it was not appealing in the least. They were not as socially evolved as the elves of Lothlórien and Rivendell. They were like barbarians compared to the rest. They took chances that risked lives. They fought from the shadows instead of facing their enemy head on. Their weapons were ancient and they wore no armor. There was no organization, from what I could determine, no military control. They let their women fight in battle, for Eru’s sake. What kind of primitive system was this? They were savages, as far as I could tell, and I was walking right into their lands, spiders, wargs and all. The mere thought gave me a shiver up the spine. Valar help me that I should come home still intact.

Where was Túron, I wondered. I’m sure he was in a much more exciting place, meeting new people, helping those who needed his talents. With every day that went by, I thought of him less, though he would never be completely out of my mind. I had managed to put him to the side of my thoughts, and only call upon my memory when I wanted to. He no longer overruled ever thought, sense and emotion like he did when he first left. Still, it was easy to be overcome by my remembrances, our walks in the garden, the sharing of a good wine, his caresses in the late hours of the night. Sometimes I could still smell him, or feel the warmth of his skin against mine. Those were the loneliest times, the saddest moments I must suffer. I hope he knows I still love him. I hope we will see each other again. A fool’s hope, some might say, but better to have that than to have no hope at all.

***

The End (for now)

TBC in the next story … Far From Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read my story, and especially those who reviewed (a couple of you did so faithfully, and I appreciate that very much). If you enjoyed it and you've made it to the end, please leave a review. Communication between a reader and an author is highly regarded and a gift. All writers work very hard at their craft, and reviews are our only reward. For anyone interested, continue on to my next installment: Path of Honor Part II-Far From Home. Thanks ... Idril.


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